Resent my “entitled” sons

Yes I was going to say that about the yellow stickers too!

Plus you could always drop a contribution to the food bank in too from time to time. A lot of supermarkets make this easy and convenient now. You could buy a lot of food parcels for the cost of one night's cocktails! Take one of your sons with you when you do.

Just a possibility.

@Whothefuckdoesthat You’d call your child a ponce? Sure OP’s boys will all be working soon. I’d just enjoy the holiday with my sons and be grateful I had them there with me

They ask to go to restaurants where it’s €20 per cocktail

But what do you say?

I’d be saying, ‘we can go there, but I’m not paying those prices for drinks so you are paying your drinks bill separately’.

If the average price of a cocktail is £15 x 3 sons x 3 each = £135. No way -I’d be saying they could have them when they pay for them St the moment they are poor and so will you be if you don’t learn to say no!

Do you think their dad is feeding them this attitude? "It's OK for your mum, unlike me she's rich" etc

Either way it's not on and you need to say no. I know a few people who were brought up with wealthy parents who never said no and I feel so sorry for them as they are now underachievers and resentful because of it. I think that, because of their moneyed childhood, they assumed that they were entitled to whatever they wanted in life and that money and success would come easy. You don't want your boys to be like that.

But OP, since you clearly are comfortably off, please buy full price and leave the yellow sticker stuff for people who actually need it!

But you raised them that way.

If you weren't happy with the cost then say no.

A lot of pps seem to think you should have a vindictive attitude towards your sons and their expectations, and plan 'gotchas' to show them the error of their ways, and basically letting them know what awful 'entitled' people they are.

I think this is pretty unkind actually, and you would risk damaging your relationship with your sons. They are just being a bit thoughtless, that's all. A little cheeky perhaps, but they are young with not much experience of the world and having to manage a budget. It's probably likely due to being brought up being generously provided for by you (and your ex?) and therefore not having to really think about money and budgeting.

Just sit them down and tell them you love them dearly but as a result of retiring and divorcing from wealthy ex you now have to be more careful with your money. Show them your budget maybe? Tell them you have always been happy to pay for everything in the past but things have to change now. If they are basically good young men with a bit of intelligence and empathy I am sure they will understand. Put a limit on the cocktails!

It's partly down to you that you haven't showed them what money means to many people, and what a privileged upbringing they've enjoyed. They can easily learn, and it will help them in their future lives and make them grow as people.

A yellow label shopper is hardly a principle to worry about. Also, they have all just finished education, especially the youngest, hardly out there that they expect stuff, if your ex was wealthy and they got used to it, this would have been as children, again no their fault. You say no, I can’t afford it but why assign some big disappointment to your view on them, in all honesty you are the parent. I am not really a yellow sticker person, I don’t see it as some moral failing.

Surely, if they are working part time, they don’t mind you spending their money l, like they spend yours? If you say - each person is paying for themselves- choose where you want to go- what would happen?

I wouldn’t read them the riot act, but I would make it clear that they have got into the habit of sponging off others and that time is over. They got used to STBXH wealth, and now they need to get used to not having access to that.

The acting like a poor person schtick gets a very short “and what are you acting like? A sponger that needs other people to fund their lifestyle because they can’t afford it- so acting like someone poor plus delusional: The Choosing Beggar”

@Testina

I know I've been an absolute dick with being too soft for a while now and realise it's my own fault for allowing it to happen

They all got a mum chat about how financially inadequate they are to assume another adult will keep providing for them

I also reminded them that to get to where I am I have worked my absolute ass off for years so that's the only way they are going to experience having financial security and that if that doesn't sink in and motivate them to be more organised with their own money and sacrifice things to save then they're the ones who will be struggling not me because I've been there.

Just communicate that whilst you aren’t poor, you can’t see the value of wasting that much money on stuff such as cocktails - especially now that your financial circumstances have changed.
We’ve had many discussions about priorities and how everybody’s are different. That you can only the spend money once and that you’d rather not waste yours on €20 cocktails. That when it’s their money they are spending, then it’s up to them whether cocktails are a priority or whether they’d rather spend it on other stuff.

Id also be pointing out their privilege and discussing that poor people certainly don’t spend on even one cocktail- I’d be quite serious about how lucky they bloody are and they should appreciate it. Especially when others are paying.

I think their entitlement is normal if they are used to you funding them, but I do now think you need to educate them a bit, and gradually withdraw funding them as they are now adults who need to learn to stand on their own two feet. I’d be telling them that too. And prepare them in advance for this beginning to happen.

Sounds like they have always had a lavish lifestyle so I think it’s unrealistic for them to suddenly cut cloth, they are young and don’t see the world like adults who have to provide do.

Have you explained to them that not you are retired your funds are limited and now you are at your poorest, regardless of how much money that is. If not then YABU, as they are not mind readers.

They don't sound entitled to me. They are still young adults and probably think penny pinching is odd when you're not short of money.

You can't take it with you and that rainy day will probably never come.

Life is for living. Loosen the purse strings a bit, you might enjoy it!

i think I brought them up better to know the price of things and to value the odd treat, not to take it for granted.

I think that statement is at odds with you saying you allow them 3 (three!) £20 cocktails each. You’ve brought them up to think that £60 on a small amount of alcohol is normal.

@dothehokeycokey “They literally order and walk off and sometimes they don't even say thank you and two of them are adults working full time with a bigger disposable income than myself it really irks me.”

How did that ever reach a plural?!!! 😳
I’m glad you say you’ve closed the bank.

I believe that the following posted by a previous poster would be the best way to go OP:

'A friend of mine had a similar issue with her teens when on holiday. She dealt with the situation by giving them a daily allowance to cover food, drinks, activities etc. Once they spent it, there was no more — and she stuck to it, because she wanted them to be able to budget.'

Then when getting ready to go out in the evening, just say 'OK lads, how much have you all got left? £100 between you? OK, well we'll have to order within that budget for us ALL tonight, including ME! Where shall we go?' Any moaning, just say, well I haven't spent much today, so I'm going to the posh place, I'll see you when I get back, and then simply walk out. I bet their faces would be a real picture.

Have they moved out? When they start having to support themselves they will soon learn to be frugal I'm sure.

If they've been at school and university, what sort of students have they been mixing with to expect to spend so much? Guessing private school, but surely the one at university must have mixed with a more varied grtoup of people?

The sad truth is that if you let someone walk all over you they'll get a taste for it REAL quick.
I think I'd laugh if off and then [serious voice] 'sorry guys I like to stick to a budget' (etc)
I probably wouldn't feel the need to shoot them down in flames at this stage, and that tends to be counter-productive in any case

They sound a bit clueless about money, as many young adults are. Tell them what the budget is per day on the holiday for food and drink

This!
You have to stand up to them and have firm boundaries, nip this in the bud.

didnt you fancy an all inclusive?

'oh mum you act like a poor person'
I totally get what they mean by this-
The problem is they can’t unsee that you have/ had money and when they start working and can’t afford the lifestyle they think is a given, they’ll be wondering why their ‘rich’ mum isn’t helping more (as you always see on mn actually!!) As others say just keep saying no but they are going to assume you’re being miserly (which I’d assume must be headwrecking for you!!)

Oh you are like me, like a bargain. Think when you work hard for money you just hate to see it squandered. I took my kids away on my own earlier in the year and I set everyone a daily budget. It was a bonus holiday and I explained it was a budget one. They were great at sticking to it. Even as a high earner if you are the only earner and a house to run and they have a hand to mouth father you need to be sensible. Hopefully one day they will understand when they have bills of their own to pay.

You allow them 3 cocktails each, with there being 3 of them and at £20 each, that's £180 on tiny little drinks!

How can they say you're acting like a poor person??? Poor people can't spend that on drinks!

They'd soon change their tunes if you told them they had to pay for drinks and dinner themselves...in fact that's exactly what you should tell them to do from now on.