To think a 2 year age gap is tough?

I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and a newborn. It is tough, absolutely. But fortunately for me I love chaos so I wouldn't have it any other way

18 months between mine - I knew if i left it any longer I wouldn't have a 2nd and as an only child I really wanted 2. Was it hard... YES!! Did it nearly break my marriage ... YES... my husband wasn't particularly helpful and worked long hours and that made me hate him!!!! However... once they got about maybe 8 I reaped the benefits, they liked the same things, were buddies in holidays clubs and now as young adults whilst i know they might wind each other up they totally have each others backs and the 4 of us have the best time together.

Thanks so much for the update OP! And for posting this thread, hopefully it will provide support and reassurance to other parents in the same situation. It really is amazing when mumsnet can help others in such a positive way.

I spent this morning at a cafe with my youngest, due to go to school in September. Trying to hold back tears as she chatted away, sitting there, enjoying time with mummy. I’ve started to experience an unexpected sadness that the baby / preschool years are over. It’s like a very early empty nest syndrome and it’s making me sad when I thought I’d be so happy to have time on my own when they are both at school! (SAHM so been home a long time). As someone else has said I actually don’t remember much of those first couple of years after my second was born (just over 2 year gap). It was an exhausting blur and I was a frazzled mess holding it together in the middle of lockdown and a house move. (I def recommend taking lots of videos of them, we love looking back and seeing little versions of what they are like now).

I now don’t really recognise that version of myself now, life is so much easier. The children play in the park and I can sit on a bench and watch! We can go out without worrying about naps! It’s the strangest feeling and liberating but I miss them being little so much already. I’m even thinking about a 3rd but think that’s my hormones talking. Also what I really want is smaller versions of my own again rather than a new addition! Also I know deep down a baby / toddler again would prob break me but there’s always that wondering of what if!

25months between mine. It was tricky and hard word til they were about 5 and 3 and then things vastly improved. Now 11 and 9 and it's a really nice gap. They get on well and like similar things. So hang on in there, it evens out!

25 months between mine and it was horrific. I'm not sure how we managed. My eldest didn't sleep well at all and was a difficult toddler for lots of reasons. Thankfully the youngest slept most of the time but ir does quickly passed. When my eldest turned 3 amd started pre school that made a big difference to us.

I have 2.5 years between DC1 and DC2, although DC1 is autistic so wasn't developmentally at the right age. Then 17 months between DC2 and DC3. Just under 4 years between DC1 and DC3. The smaller age gap has been much much harder, but my DC2 is also incredibly challenging behaviour wise so it might be that. I love the 4 year gap when they are little but I could see as they get older that would get harder when they are into totally different things. I think swings and roundabouts to all the age gaps but yes small gaps are full on, draining etc when they are little for sure.

I'm so glad it's not just me. Just turned three and almost six months here and it's horrendous. We had the easiest two year old ever and literally on her third birthday it seems she turned into a little terror! The sleep deprivation is actually killing me I swear it.

It’s hard when they are little, but overall it an “easier” gap than most. Apart from when one is doing GCSEs and the other is doing A Levels. Stress central!

2 years between mine and I do not remember the first 2 years with baby and toddler, blocked it out, it was really hard.
But then it is so much easier than a big gap - they have the same interest, both happy to go to same places and events. They share toys, they share friends. And they are now good friends - older one is not a babysitter. It gets a lot easier.

21mths between my two DS’, two under two is very hard work. But no regrets, in certain aspects it’s easier, they like going to the same places, toys, tv shows etc. I didn’t need to get to older child to school in the mornings etc. but two in nappies is expensive, and of course very tiring. My two are adults now, they are total opposites in personality, best friends as well as brothers.

Hi no they argue and physical fight every day. So mean to each other . Obviously this is unusual for most.

I have a 3 year gap between mine and it was TOUGH during the early years juggling a baby & toddler. Plenty of ‘why have we done this moments’. I will say it got LOTS easier when my younger child was 18 months and could finally play and engage properly with his brother. Now they’re bigger (11 and 8) and it’s really nice; my younger one keeps my older child from growing up too fast; my older child introduces his brother to things and he wants to keep up so is quite mature. They play together a lot and always have an ally. Keep going!

I’d prefer to have to play with my only child from now to eternity than to have to endure this shit.

There are 21 months between my 2 DDs and I remember the first year or so after DD2 was born being hellish!

Our girls are 15 and 17 now and really close, despite being totally different! I'm really gad we had them so close together, despite how hard it was in the beginning, as having them at similar ages has made parenting in general much easier (at least from my point of view). They've both been interested in similar things and been entertained by the same type of days out etc., rather than having a 3 year old who wants to spend the day at Peppa Pig World and a 10 year old who'd prefer Alton Towers!

I'd definitely agree the 2 year gap is tough to begin with, but it pays dividends later on.

I’m sorry @CatMumSlave Do they not get on? Hope things improve for you.

I have 2y3m between my boys. The first 6 months were brutal but it does get easier, particularly as the oldest got closer to 3 and the younger became more interactive. They’re 3.5y and 15m now and they’ve just about got to the stage where they play together (kind of) and it’s lovely to watch them. Still hard a times but definitely easier than it was.

My husband also works away during the week, it is brutal sometimes. I admit the oldest probably has more screen time that he should whilst I sort the youngest. During the day we’re generally out and about, then we have dinner together, the boys go in the bath together, then my oldest watches an episode or 2 of paw patrol whilst I FaceTime my husband with the youngest and put him to bed, then my eldest will FaceTime his dad then one of us will do a story(my DH either takes a book away with him or makes a story up) then it’s bed. Then I have a tidy round, used to do bottles and sterilising, etc, laundry.

That's the gap we wanted but my daughter wasn't born until my son was 3.5 in the end.

I could not have coped with a two year old and a newborn. I am in awe of anyone who has to 😅

You're not unreasonable to feel that way now. The gap between mine is 2 yrs and a couple of weeks. It kicks your arse for the first 6-12 months. I found once my second started sleeping through it was easier. I think the close age gap has paid dividends though. Mine are much closer than siblings I know with a 3 yr + age gap. I think 2-3 years is the perfect gap.

@OneForTheRoadThen Covid made it harder for longer in our cases as we had them both home at a time when they still needed quite a lot from us and childcare was certainly helping with the balance.

No idea how I survived it but it certainly put me off extending my family any further than the 2 I have. On the other side, I can genuinely say I love family life now they are that bit older and more independent

I had a 19 month gap between my two. Yes, it's hard, but overall I do think it's better than say a 5 year gap. If you're changing one nappy, you may as well change two. Mine were only one school year apart, so you're doing the school run for less years. Both were at Uni at the same time. The oldest did a 5 year degree and the youngest did a 4 year degree, so they graduated at the same time. They are now 27 and almost 26.

I could have written this. Mine are now 8 and 6 and it's brilliant. When they were both under 3 it was horrific and I wonder how I got through it.

22 month gap was shit then and it's shit now (12 and 14 years)

I had 20 months between my girls. It's hard work when they're little but it's so worth it. For most of childhood you'll be able to entertain them both with the same activities/days out etc rather than having to do two different things suitable for different ages. Mine are so so close even now aged 16/17 and the eldest doesn't remember life before the second one. Also you are deep in the baby/toddler stage but once you're done you're done rather than moving out of that stage and then having to plunge back into it with a school age child.

You’re at the worst stage of it right now. 22 months between mine and the first 2 years were the hardest. Both need your attention, the older one isn’t mature enough to fully understand the baby’s demands and sleep deprivation to add to it all.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Mine are 5 and 7, have mutual interests and mutual friends, play with each other, holidays are easier because they keep each other company. Also school and activities together means one drop off for many things

Every age gap has its positives and negatives, you’re at the hardest point for the 2 year gap but it will get better.