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AIBU?

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Can I foster with a 1 bed flat?

70 replies

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:29

I'd love to foster a child. Currently I own a one-bed flat with a large communal garden area.
I live alone and can't afford to just buy a two-bed place/pay a mortgage alone.
There's no guarantee I'll ever meet someone to have my own children with, and fostering has always been something that appeals to me.

I'd sleep in the lounge and give my bedroom to the child.

OP posts:
Klippityklopp · 23/06/2024 20:48

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:37

I guess so. I just feel like things are reserved to couples/the well-off and it's sad.

Things are set up in the best interests of the child and personal space, for both of you, is one of the major things taken in to consideration

ItsDifficult · 23/06/2024 20:38

Maybe a newborn for a very short period of time (until they should go into a cot in their own room) but generally no!

The chances of getting a newborn just for a few months is very very slim.

I doubt you'd be approved in the first place without a second bedroom!

BakedTattie · 23/06/2024 20:33

This sounds more about your want for a child, or to take care of a child. Than what is actually best for a child. A child that is very much in need, and has had their whole world upended most likely.

if you really want to foster. Could you move
to a two bed?

Jellybeanz456 · 23/06/2024 20:32

RatZilla · 23/06/2024 19:32

No.

A child has to have their own room.

Wrong!! I spoke to someone about Fostering and not having a spare room an the woman pointed out babies under 12months can have a cot in your room.

PinkFrogss · 23/06/2024 20:29

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 20:04

It is sad. Some women would love to be mothers, whether that's through having their own child, adopting or fostering, but it just doesn't always happen. Some things are just easier in couples.

Fostering to be a mother is absolutely the wrong attitude to go into it with - in many cases the goal of fostering is reunification or adopting.

How old are you? I would start looking into what you would need to do in order to afford to be a single mother via an official route (a.k.a sperm donor at legit clinic). Including changing jobs - retraining if needed, moving to a cheaper area, etc. Not sure how old you are but there may still be time to do all this.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/06/2024 20:27

You are centering yourself in the world of Fostering, this pov is as far removed from what a Foster child needs.

You can always apply op and I think you should, purely because the rejection will do you some good and perhaps open your eyes to what Foster carers should be.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/06/2024 20:25

We have many single carers. It's hard on your own though. You need a very robust support system as a single carer.

Sometimeswinning · 23/06/2024 20:20

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 20:04

It is sad. Some women would love to be mothers, whether that's through having their own child, adopting or fostering, but it just doesn't always happen. Some things are just easier in couples.

This is why you wouldn’t make be a foster carer. Fostering is not just about being a mother. It’s also not based on being a couple. You need to do some research. You sound a little naive if I’m being honest.

soupfiend · 23/06/2024 20:18

There isnt much call for respite care for babies, which is what you would be limited to.

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/06/2024 20:17

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 20:16

Respite care could be something to look into.

It might be the case you still need two bedrooms, I can't remember what the family said the criteria was, it could be the same as becoming a regular foster carer but I do think it's worth asking the question.

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 20:16

Respite care could be something to look into.

OP posts:
FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/06/2024 20:14

A family member looked into fostering as a single person and was basically told she would be unable to keep her job. You are essentially being paid to be a foster parent to be on call for whatever is necessary, not use childcare during work hours etc. This isn't feasible for most people. Instead she looked at becoming registered for respite care. I don't know the ins and outs but the idea was to offer weekend care to children with such high needs that the parents needed a break every now and again. Having one bedroom and a pull out sofa bed in the living room for you might work? Could be something to look into.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/06/2024 20:12

I sit on fostering panels and one of the very few musts for a carer is that they have a spare room. The carer also needs to have a bedroom. We have had carers apply and move to suitable accommodation in order to be approved.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/06/2024 20:11

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 20:04

It is sad. Some women would love to be mothers, whether that's through having their own child, adopting or fostering, but it just doesn't always happen. Some things are just easier in couples.

With all due respect OP, fostering and adoption aren’t really the default for women who haven’t met a partner. I’m sorry you aren’t where you want to be yet in life but children who need a home and family come from trauma- it really isn’t about your wants but their needs. They deserve the best chance in life and that does mean stability and space- on top of the qualities of the parent which I’m sure you have.

maudelovesharold · 23/06/2024 20:10

Although you’ve name-changed, op, I recognise you from your earlier thread. IIRC you didn’t seem to like the idea of going it alone as a parent because you didn’t feel you would have enough support/resources. Surely that would also be true, in fact more so, if you were a foster parent, as the children you would have placed with you would often have had trauma in their lives, and be exhibiting challenging behaviour? I imagine you would need a good support network to be able to cope and do your best by them. I’m not talking about a partner, necessarily, but the same sort of support network that would make life easier for any single parent.

Hankunamatata · 23/06/2024 20:07

Why not enquire op? Worse happens is that they say no.

sanityisamyth · 23/06/2024 20:07

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/06/2024 19:40

Iloveicecream1 · Today 19:37
I guess so. I just feel like things are reserved to couples/the well-off and it's sad”

You're talking about kids who’s lives have already been disrupted and difficult.

Separate bedrooms and adequate funds are pretty basic prerequisites.

This.

PeonySeasons · 23/06/2024 20:05

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:37

I guess so. I just feel like things are reserved to couples/the well-off and it's sad.

Not at all - you can be renting or in council house / housing association and still foster.

Ownership is not the important factor. The safety, security and positive support is what's important. That includes not putting already traumatised kids into inappropriate / not ideal situations like overcrowded homes.

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 20:04

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 23/06/2024 20:02

The thing is, your post about how it’s “sad” that things are restricted to couples/the well off comes across as centred your own wishes.

Nobody who was looking at things through a lens of what’s best for a child would seriously suggest fostering in a one-bedroom property.

It is sad. Some women would love to be mothers, whether that's through having their own child, adopting or fostering, but it just doesn't always happen. Some things are just easier in couples.

OP posts:
AllTipAndNoIceberg · 23/06/2024 20:02

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:51

Yes I'm fully aware it's about the child's needs, hence why I created this post, but thanks for the innovative response 🙄
Thanks to all the other replies.

The thing is, your post about how it’s “sad” that things are restricted to couples/the well off comes across as centred your own wishes.

Nobody who was looking at things through a lens of what’s best for a child would seriously suggest fostering in a one-bedroom property.

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:58

I wasn't aware of the independent visitor scheme, that's great.

OP posts:
soupfiend · 23/06/2024 19:57

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:51

Yes I'm fully aware it's about the child's needs, hence why I created this post, but thanks for the innovative response 🙄
Thanks to all the other replies.

I would still approach your local authority or fostering agencies to enquire but be aware that it will be babies only

Iloveicecream1 · 23/06/2024 19:56

I've posted simply to ask about living arrangements, some people are getting very worked up/taking it personally which is odd. Relax!

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 23/06/2024 19:54

Just no

Leavingasinkingship · 23/06/2024 19:53

You may be able to foster babies and toddlers short to medium term. There is such a shortage of foster placements that even though many stay with family, there are still plenty of young children needing placements. However you would need to have or be willing to gain experience of looking after babies to be considered, as you'd be expected to already have the basics of parenting down (feeding, changing, naps, jabs etc) and be willing to take children to see their parents, which at that age could be five times a week, and possibly support them to move on to adopters.
I know someone who does this and often has two babies under 6 months at any one time, she's had consecutive placements for at least five years. She's super woman, though also bonkers! (Love her but no idea how she can do it, though I'm very glad she can she's amazing)

If you can't house a child, which is understandable given the resources required, you could look into being an independent visitor. This is when you are matched to a child in care and meet up with them regularly, take them out eg for food, cinema etc.

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