Friends husband a miserable git

Just be friends with your friend. Just because you're all married doesn't mean you need to go out as an army of ten all the time

Agree with this. There is no need to always holiday in a huge group or go out in a foursome. Just see her alone. You obviously dont enjoy it (understandably, due to his behaviour) and he clearly isnt enjoying it either so knock it on the head and just see her alone. Why keep putting yourself through this when both you and him arent even enjoying it?

No, I don’t tend to put other people down. However, the one word answers and apparent lack of interest in the others in the group could also be down to social anxiety.

It’s true that this guy could just be an arrogant arse but I was just raising as a possibility that there could be other issues at play here.

You put people down on the regular in front of others? I can absolutely see how shyness can come off as aloofness but criticising your partner in a mean way in front of others doesnt sound like anxiety to me, it sounds like him being an arsehole.

You sound a bit mad, to be honest. He doesn't like you. You don't like him. Some of your reasons are valid (putting down his wife in front of you), some are ridiculous (who cares whether he wears long trousers on holiday?) Just be friends with your friend. Just because you're all married doesn't mean you need to go out as an army of ten all the time.

I also have social anxiety but have been accused of being rude and arrogant many times due to my behaviour.

Someone with social anxiety wouldnt be starting arguments with waiters or putting down their wife in front of their friends as that just draws negative attention to themselves. Thats not how social anxiety works- you want to be invisible and/or liked, not create negative attention and judgement from others. It's the absolute opposite of what someone with social anxiety would do (I've had it).

Is it possible that he has social anxiety and is uncomfortable rather than arrogant?

I would just hang out with her.

When you get home, just invite her out. The pair of you go for lunch, go shopping, do stuff that your husbands would not be interested in. So you still see her but avoid him.

I think there is no way around this but to be honest with your friend and let the cards fall where they may. Yes, its sad she's with this man but he's being incredibly bloody rude- I'd be livid if my husband behaved like this and would be having words about it never happening again.

This is your money and your holiday and your annual leave- no way would I be spending it with someone who makes every moment miserable. Or, I'd just start going on holidays with only family and getting out of it that way.

There comes a point where you have to say enough is enough. She might not mind but you are allowed to.

Hmm, I bet he is really not someone who goes in for group hols or being out with a load of people. That said, should be grumpy if agreed to be involved

I don't think I'd talk to him or ask any questions.
Just ignore him.

I know so many scenarios like this. All too often, the DW is defensive or knows fine well but is hoping that people won't ostracise her DH as she'd feel obliged to 'side' with him.

I've known so many women apologise for their DH's boorish behaviour in advance. After decades, the assumption is that everyone has to be like her and adapt around him rather than the other way around.

However, people often get to a stage in life where they don't see why they should continue to do this. But, because it's so difficult to negotiate, it can spell the end of friendship groups. Or leave people worried about the DW's isolation.