Friends husband a miserable git

This seems to be a particularly masculine trait. Only ever come across men behaving like this to the wife’s friends never the other way round. Then if she goes first he will complain he is “lonely”.

I've noticed this too.

I would be more concerned about her welfare than him. If he behaves like this openly what is happening behind closed doors?
Meet up with her alone, if she can ?, and have an upfront conversation.. tell her you are worried about her after his behaviour on holiday. Tell her you are there for her any time she needs to talk/leave. Does he need medical help? Is he controlling? She may well be defensive and deny any problems, or the dam might burst and she really needs to get away.
But have that conversation.

Agreed. If I was made to use my annual leave in some clique army of 10 arranged through my spouse.. I’m pretty sure I’d be the grumpy one wishing I were elsewhere 😂

This seems to be a particularly masculine trait. Only ever come across men behaving like this to the wife’s friends never the other way round. Then if she goes first he will complain he is “lonely”.

An old friends Dh was like this to us. He’d never met us so it must have been him getting at her by being so rude when we stayed. They are currently going through a bitter contested divorce.

See her alone. You really dont have to put up with his behaviour.

My friend's husband behaves exactly like this- he's an absolute arse, has become really controlling and miserly over time, short fuse, critical of her etc and she is so unhappy, her self esteem is on the floor. She wants to leave him and will probably do so as soon as she can afford it. I feel for your friend, sounds like he has got worse and worse over time.

This plus if he has been like this for ages he won change now

Your friend must like him, op, half of what you written is irrelevant I am sure everyone knows you don't like him

There's a few of these aren't there!

My friend's DH is like this. She's planning to leave him when finances allow.

Maybe ask her if SHE likes him? If SHE is happy - because he bloody isn’t. Attention-seeking twat.

I’d be very concerned for your friend- he sounds abusive. Putting her down constantly and having a temper, harassing waiters etc

Id be having a quiet word and checking she’s ok. I wonder if her insistence to meet up as a group is due to him not letting her go alone or her feeling safer in a group.

Please don't make assumptions based on clothing (other things if you want!). I am 44 and my mother still goes on about how I ruined a family holiday decades ago by not stripping off at the pool.

I was an incredibly self-conscious teen who also didn't see the point of a suntan. I didn't mind reading by the pool but I was happy to stay clothed doing so. The assumption that I was doing it to be difficult really winds me up now 30 years later! (Went to see her three weeks ago and she brought it up then...)

@blablausername That may well be the case and so it’s far better that the OP says to her friend that X really doesn’t need to participate in their group activities. Her friend can holiday solo with them next time if she wishes and they meet up solo as well.

Why doesn’t his wife advise him to stay home as he doesn’t enjoy these group uoutings. Does she not want to come on her own so she is the problem, or does he not let her go on her own , so he is the problem?

I totally agree with this.
There are an awful lot of posters really willing to slag off a person they have never met and whose mental health or personality disorder they know nothing about. They know nothing about how his relationship with his wife is. They are jumping to conclusions.
If the OP finds his company obnoxious she is entitled to feel like that. She doesn't HAVE to be in his company. There are ways of maintaining the friendship with his DW without involving meeting up with him on social occasions.
I find some of the judgemental comments really disconcerting.

I cant stand my best friend's husband. Not without good reason- he has betrayed her several times (not cheating but something just as bad) and she stays with him. I think she could do way better but I have no choice but to respect her choice to stay with him. I cant stand being around him and though I've not said a word to her about my dislike of him, she knows me well enough to know I find it awkward considering his past behaviour.

So, we just meet the two of us. My DH doesnt like him either- her DH behaves like a petulant child when we are all out together so I just steer her towards meeting up alone. I would say there are some occasions when we have to suck it up and put up with him but it's rare- probably once every three years or so, so thats bearable. I certainly wouldnt ever be going on holiday with them both.

It's not an issue at all- I just arrange times to meet with her when I know he's at work or make a point of saying let's just have a girly chat and she doesnt push it. Problem solved.

I would try and see your friend on her own if she’s trying to arrange a meet up with 4 of you just say something like ‘I don’t think Derek really likes coming out with us, he hated the holiday we went on. Let’s just go out and have a girls night/lunch instead’

She knows he’s a nob. See her without him and if he has to be included on the holidays at least he’s diluted by other people

Just keep making excuses until she pushes back. Then something like 'I'm sorry but your Dh was really unpleasant on holiday and Dh and I decided we don't want to spend time with him anymore. I realise this is awful to hear, we still love you as much as ever but want to just spend time with you.'

She'll either accept it or be conditioned that the attack means you must be cut off from both of them. It's really hard to navigate.

This.

If the relationship is abusive, doing this could give him the ammunition he needs to isolate her from her friendship group. He will tell her that she's being disloyal to him by spending time with people who have been rude to him. Logic doesn't help much in these situations.

If she can spend time with you without him that's a great solution but he may find very effective ways to prevent that, including saying he supports it and then always having some sort of meltdown or fabricated last minute disaster that means she has to miss seeing you.

I think just do stuff with her, not as a couple. It will mean the relationship changes but I wouldn't spend any precious free time with him.

I am having this with a friend whose DH is a drunk. He's fine Mon-Fri but when we go out for dinner or go to theirs for dinner, he will drink and drink and drink and he drags out the night for ages. He embarrasses himself and us. I refuse to see him now. When he's sober, he's absolutely lovely. She sees no problem with his drinking so there's no solution really but to see her occasionally, on her own.

I had a similar situation but with a very good friend's wife. She had to be tethered to him 24/7. No one in our friend group could understand it. She was the cause of the breakup of his first marriage and all I could assume was he stayed with her out of guilt. He even lost work (Chef) because she was a complete limpet and couldn't understand why anyone would have an issue with her sitting in the kitchen - getting pissed and smoking. She wouldn't let him have a conversation with anybody. Unfortunately, I gave up trying to maintain a relationship.

Just start arranging more holidays with just the women. The holidays of 10.of you, can't they just be shorter breaks? I assume you all have your own holidays with your DH/DPs?

He sounds like a twat but I'm not sure why he's turning up to these things if he doesn't want to be there. I would have to ask him/tell him.

The way he acts doesn't seem fair on your friend and I'm sure she gets more shite from him at home. I'd be asking to meet just her from now on.

Aah the arsehole husband problem. Friend’s husband is a moron. I know he is. She knows he is. Doesn’t stop her foisting him on all her friends and their partners. Digging those old heels in. Can’t break up. Doesn’t want to have to split the house. I avoid as much as possible. I owe him nothing.

I'm going to say it.
Husband sounds like he has a ND and is being pressured, for whatever reason, either from wife or from himself to do things that he actually doesn't want to do at all and probably absolutely hates it.
As soon as you said that he wears long trousers it's the first thing I thought.

Maybe make sure you let friend know that she will always be included even if she wants to participate in get together/ holidays, without her husband. Say that you understand that not everyone is into the same sort of things.

You don't know how the husband is when not in this type of situation. Don't jump to the conclusion that he is awful to your friend just because he is awful company.