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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think Dh is naive

42 replies

WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 13:12

...In giving the neighbours the benefit of the doubt.

To cut a long story short, we're paying for a 20 year old shared rotten fence to he replaced. The neighbours are unsurprisingly on board with the decision, but despite being in the position to, will not contribute. We are having to swallow our pride and proceed with it. They currently have things nailed to the shared fence, they didn't consult us about doing this at the time (with it being shared I'm unsure if they needed to)? Nevermind, the issue I have is that I am worried they will reattach the rotten wooden structures they currently have in place, to our nice new fence. Will they be allowed to do this, even if we pay for the new fence? It is on the boundary, so I am assuming that it may be the case that they can? Can rot from old wood spread to new?

I am then thinking are we better to put the new fence infront of the old, then it means they can't do anything to it, without our permission legally.

Dh is very passive about the whole thing, and seems to think they won't attach anything due to various reasons, I am not so hopeful. It is costing a lot of money, that we are having to sacrifice other things for. The neighbours are asking when it is happening, because the original date we told them fell through. They have done nothing to prepare, and left all of their stuff along the entire fence. Dh is explaining everything to them on why there is a delay, sorey haven't told them yet etc etc, like they're paying half! I'm getting increasingly annoyed.

Any advice on the best way to proceed?

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Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 16:03

Inkyblue123 · 23/06/2024 15:58

https://www.pettyson.co.uk/about-us/our-blog/775-which-fence-am-i-responsible-for#:~:text=Your%20property%20deeds%20will%20include,of%20a%20wall%20or%20fence.

Thank you, this is a very good site. I saw it when I was researching a couple of months back. There is no T on thr boundary, and I think that means it can be assumed as shared. The posts are on their side. Even if it is theirs, and we prove that, they wouldn’t ever replace it. It'll be a patch up job for life, and we would never get our privacy.

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Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:58

askmenow · 23/06/2024 15:50

Be careful they don't take inches of your land if you put your fence inside the existing one.
Perhaps say you've decided you cant afford to replace the fence at present and see if they offer half.
If you're sure that its a shared boundary.

Show quote history

That's what I was thinking, they won't pay half, they have the means more than we do, but are tight people. I value my privacy and I think blocking them off be worth every penny. There is a new nbr moving in on their other side, what goes around comes around!

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askmenow · 23/06/2024 15:50

Gymmum82 · 23/06/2024 13:15

Put your new fence in front of the old one. Do not remove theirs. They will almost certainly attach things to their side. If they don’t want to pay towards it then they can keep their manky old one

Be careful they don't take inches of your land if you put your fence inside the existing one.
Perhaps say you've decided you cant afford to replace the fence at present and see if they offer half.
If you're sure that its a shared boundary.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:43

It is the full length of the garden, a fence is definately needed yes. It is subject to wind as well so needs secure fencing. I want the privacy. The cost is one thing, it is the way they have gone on that has annoyed me the most.

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Beautifulbythebay · 23/06/2024 15:42

Do you need a fence there? Bamboo in pots will give privacy or some reed fencing on stakes instead. Make it clear you aren't funding a fence.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:40

Allie47 · 23/06/2024 15:36

Just suck it up if they put stuff on your new fence, if you put the new fence in front of the old one they'll just remove their old fence and gain part of your small garden. Also stop waiting for them to offer and tell them what they owe. If they don't pay just go ahead with work, stop telling them anything about it but leave old fence in their garden.

Yes, this is what i think will happen now too. They won't pay half, or contribute anything, and only agreed to it if we were paying. We will have to update them on the date, because they need to move their stuff. If they don't again and it gets damaged it is their own fault. I just want to be one step ahead so they don't complain later.
The company are taking the old fence away for free, but anything they have attached, or haven't had the sense to move will be left laying.

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Allie47 · 23/06/2024 15:36

Just suck it up if they put stuff on your new fence, if you put the new fence in front of the old one they'll just remove their old fence and gain part of your small garden. Also stop waiting for them to offer and tell them what they owe. If they don't pay just go ahead with work, stop telling them anything about it but leave old fence in their garden.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 23/06/2024 15:35

WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 13:36

@Magnastorm thank you, I know, I think putting the fence in front may not be an option due to space. What right would we have if we pay for it, but it is on the boundary? Can they do anything they want to it? They're really awkward people.

You're talking about a couple of inches here ?

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:25

namechangiosa · 23/06/2024 15:23

We were thinking get one in front, but as a nother poster pointed out they'll probably just attach stuff anyway.

Wouldn't they have to take down the old fence first though? They don't sound as if they would bother to do this.

They can do anything at all when it suits and benefits them, and have form for it.

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namechangiosa · 23/06/2024 15:23

We were thinking get one in front, but as a nother poster pointed out they'll probably just attach stuff anyway.

Wouldn't they have to take down the old fence first though? They don't sound as if they would bother to do this.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:20

SamanthaJonesWasRight · 23/06/2024 15:17

Work out what your motivations are and prioritise them, because you can't have it all the ways.

If you're more bothered about not having them benefit from "extra land" of a few inches, or saving money, or an easy life, work out what your intentions are and make a decision based on that.

You can't not have them attach things you don't like to a shared boundary, plus save money, plus not erect a fence along side theirs. Something has to give, as always, and you need to decide what it's going to be.

Thank you, you're absolutely right. We were thinking get one in front, but as a nother poster pointed out they'll probably just attach stuff anyway. Legal action isn't an easy route. I would put nothing past them, dh might be right that we just replace it and enjoy the privacy, hoping they'll not attach or lean anything significant against it. Dh said if anything happens to it through them we aren't replacing it again, and they'll have to.

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SamanthaJonesWasRight · 23/06/2024 15:17

Work out what your motivations are and prioritise them, because you can't have it all the ways.

If you're more bothered about not having them benefit from "extra land" of a few inches, or saving money, or an easy life, work out what your intentions are and make a decision based on that.

You can't not have them attach things you don't like to a shared boundary, plus save money, plus not erect a fence along side theirs. Something has to give, as always, and you need to decide what it's going to be.

Beautifulbythebay · 23/06/2024 15:14

Paint the panels before you put them up. With a few Keep Off signs on their side. If they attach anything just remove it and drop it into their garden.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:10

SamanthaJonesWasRight · 23/06/2024 15:08

Would absolutely sacrfice a few inches of garden to put own fence up my side of the boundary and let theirs rot away on the other side never to be seen again.

You're not going to have it both ways, and the way with the least involvement from them would be the way for me.

The thing is, dh says they'll just take it down, and benefit from the extra land? Hr said it'll essentially be the exact same situation as it is now, but we'll pay out more money for the pleasure.

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SamanthaJonesWasRight · 23/06/2024 15:08

Would absolutely sacrfice a few inches of garden to put own fence up my side of the boundary and let theirs rot away on the other side never to be seen again.

You're not going to have it both ways, and the way with the least involvement from them would be the way for me.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 15:01

coldcallerbaiter · 23/06/2024 14:49

Scroungers, I know the type, can never afford anything…Never do them a single favour, ever.

You have summed them up perfectly. They bought the house outright, and made a profit due to moving from a more expensive area.

They play the system perfectly, when it comes to working under thresholds, benefits etc. They haggled with the poor man who sold the house, so that he left loads of items included with the house. He had his marriage break down, PTSD from the army, and was desperate to sell. They attended a party at one of the neighbour's houses, brought nothing, drank free drinks. Anything you're getting rid of they'll ask for.

They haven't even once said that they would have contributed if they could. We just got a "well if you're paying for it, we think it is fine." It is green and rotten, warped etc. Then they had the cheek to corner dh, and say they were scared we had changed our mind, so they blatantly want the new and higher fence. They haven't bothered to move a thing from their side to make room for the job. It wouldn't surprise me if they come knocking later if anything gets damaged. I'll take photos of it all. I have told them they need to move their stuff, because as careful as the company will be they won't be able to move their personal possessions, and we are not responsible for them.

They have completely different morals to my own, no human decency, and I told dh I just cannot relate in the slightest to this way of going on.

They drove over our garden lights, broke them and said it was a van. Honestly I just cannot understand it.

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Whinge · 23/06/2024 14:52

WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:48

I want to do this, but how could we paint their side ir the old fence is sandwiched in front?

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As others have said the panels lift out. You can remove the panels, paint them, and then slide them back into place.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:50

Coolblur · 23/06/2024 14:47

But what's to stop them? Are you prepared to take legal action if that's what they do?

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I see what you're saying, honestly we have such awkward neighbours! At least we will have privacy.

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coldcallerbaiter · 23/06/2024 14:49

Scroungers, I know the type, can never afford anything…Never do them a single favour, ever.

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:48

bluedressforme · 23/06/2024 14:08

You can put your new fence right up against their fence. Lots of people locally do this so that all their fencing matches on all 3 sides of their garden. Patio slabs can be cut with an angle grinder to allow room for the fence posts, it will not be the first fence the contractor has had to do this with. Get their advice.

I would absolutely take photos and video (with commentary) on the current state of the fence. I would put in writing that the new fence is entirely yours as you are paying the full cost of it (keep receipts, take a photo of them) and that that if they choose to remove the existing fence that you do not give permission to paint, stain or attach anything to your fence. However, if they agree to pay half then they can do that.

We have a shared boundary and it states in our deeds that fences/walls must be maintained, but this is rare. We agreed a double sided fence panel with our lovely neighbours so that we could each colour our side without any bleed through to the other side. It has worked really well.

I want to do this, but how could we paint their side ir the old fence is sandwiched in front?

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Coolblur · 23/06/2024 14:47

WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:41

It would legally be ours, because it would be on our property. They wouldn't be allowed to do this.

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But what's to stop them? Are you prepared to take legal action if that's what they do?

Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:46

@bluedressforme I wish I had a neighbour like that! When they moved in they painted the fence with a cheap brown paint, it seaped through to our side, then they used the tin as a peg bag as a indirect message for us to paint our side the same 😂. As soon as we painted it, the tin hanging from the washing line went! We are going to offer to paint their side with our paint sprayer, as I want it maintained and painted properly.

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Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:42

MichaelFabricantsSyrup · 23/06/2024 14:24

No it's not Hmm the fence(s) you're responsible for are (normally) signified on deeds.

See also the myth of which side the 'good' side of the fence has to face

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Yes the left/right side is a myth, we checked the deeds and it appears shared.

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Original poster
WhatAFaffyFiasco · 23/06/2024 14:41

ImPunbelievable · 23/06/2024 14:28

Even if you out the fence on your side of the old one, what's to stop them then taking down the old one and doing as they wish?

It would legally be ours, because it would be on our property. They wouldn't be allowed to do this.

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