To resent that my future depends on whether a man deems me good enough

Dear God, what a vile thing to say.

Even by the terrible standards of MN that's an amazingly sexist generalisation.

Assuming is the word.

You don't speak for all women. Many of us find committed men sexy.

The fact you find them less attractive says more about your commitment issues than anything else.

I think sometimes when things aren't working out in life then you need to change course. I do think that your focus could change a bit, if only for the reason that it will make you happier not to be thinking about this at the moment. You do sound resentful and it would be hard for this not to come across to the people you meet.

I have had some similar disappointments with a few friendships recently and my approach has been to take my foot off the friendship gas and focus on other things. It's helping as I am no longer obsessing about friends and what they are up to!

I think it was Louise Hay who said you can dream about the perfect apartment and it will be out there but it might not be ready yet and might still need redecorating, etc. So there is no point obsessing, know that you will find your team mate eventually and they will turn up. Timing in life, it seems, is everything.

Good luck op.

Here it is again. Men are disgusting, foul, wasters who use women for their youth and reproduction. As a wife your purpose is to nurture them, like their mummy.

Go nurture

no guy has ever fallen madly in love with me.

What does 'madly in love' involve?

You are correct they don't but realistically as us women age our choices decrease.

To be fair so do most men's too but a man who keeps fit and ambitious in his 30s/40s/50s and even beyond and is good-looking and charismatic and wealthy has his pick of any single woman he wants.

It's the reality of the sexual marketplace.

I am not going to gloss over the truth.

Yes it's really not this black and white though I do remember feeling those were the only options in my 30s. Everyone is an individual. There are so many different characteristics that make up a person.

I take personal office to you calling my dad and brothers foul.

What have they done?

Justify your comment or withdraw it.

A few thoughts as someone who had no serious, long-term relationship through my 20s but quite a few situationships, short romances, FWBs, etc, including with some really lovely men who ended up marrying the next woman they dated:

1. As time went on it really sucked! I did my best to live a full life with work, hobbies, travel and so forth, but a good relationship adds a lot to your quality of life. It is perfectly acceptable to desire this. Wishing you were not single, or feeling frustrated after years of unsuccessful dating, does not make you desperate - it just means you have a regular human need shared by many of your fellow travellers.
2. If you are long-term single and don't wish to be, there can be a tendency to ask yourself - and be asked - what you are doing wrong. We can see this in this thread. But do not underestimate the role of (1) structural factors and (2) dumb random luck. Reasons for (1) include basic maths: men tend to die before women, meaning that elderly men have the pick of the field and can date younger women, and this then cascades down. There are also "issues" with women becoming more educated, economically independent and professional, and there isn't - for lots of reasons – enough eligible mates for that cohort. (I should say, I'd rather be educated and single than live the life my grandmother did, so it's an issue I'll take on the chin.)
3. I'd second therapy as a great opportunity to talk these issues through. Everything you are feeling is absolutely reasonable (including that you can feel quite bleak at times). A therapist might also be able to give you personal insights that friends cannot or will not, eg, I had a session once which included a discussion of whether I knew how to flirt! I always hated stereotypical female flirting, and used to try to win men over with my intellect and witty remarks. Now that's all ok, but on reflection, it meant that I risked engaging with men like their mates did, and not sending clear messages about my interest.
4. I realised that one reason I was struggling so much in my 20s was because my friendship group (who I met at university) was disproportionately comprised of people who went on to marry and have children with the boy or girlfriend they had aged 20. House parties were replaced with dinner parties where I was the only single person there. Their lives were about settling down and starting a family, and mine was not. I'm not sure I even wanted that - but I felt existentially and actually alone. I literally had to make new friends; in fact, I ended up moving country. If that resonates, then I'd strongly suggest surrounding yourself with people who are single or in a different life stage.

OMG I am really wondering if this is my ex. He spent about 40% of our time with his finger rummaging around in his nose. On the high street even! He thought I couldn't tell he was doing it when we watched TV and would nibble them out from his fingernails in that horrid wet "tttttt" way, like a snot obsessed squirrel.

My dh is sexy and steady but do I fancy him like I once did? No.
Because I am used to him.
That's it. It's being with someone day in day out, year after year kills the spark.
The butterflies are no longer there.
But that's OK because that is normal.

No one needs to 'settle' for anyone who is dull and boring if they don't want to. I certainly didn't and I know many women who haven't either. You really have a very sad view of life.

In their 30s is when they show you who are they, relationship or not :)

Not projecting, just the way it is. I work with these married men 🤣 they’re all foul. If only you ladies knew.

OLD seems to be mostly people having short sexual flings these days, so you have to be very choosy about going on there as it's not really set up for finding long term relationships anymore

I'm sorry you're getting so many crappy comments like above because it's clear you are upset and sadly there's no advice or strategies that work because even if you drop your (rightfully held) standards you will just be dating pond scum who don't want to commit.

It's so random to meet someone decent after the goods ones are settled down in their twenties, you have to just keep on trying to live as well as you can in all the other areas of your life and try to come to peace with it all. It may happen one day, but if not hopefully all the rest of your life will be rich enough to make it all worth while

I don’t think anyone really falls madly in love. Well I did when I was young of course. TBH I gave up finding “ the one” and settled for one which was good enough. I’ve never been happier. There is a book “Fuck Feelings” which has a good chapter on how to find a partner. You’re not wrong - it sucks to be single when you want a partner - which you clearly do, hence the post.

'MaryMaryVeryContrary · Today 15:09
Iwilldrawjapan · Today 12:42

I've just been asked by a 39 year old man on message 3 on a dating site if I'm a 'good girl ' 🤢
Ignore it, move on. You’re making a huge fuss over nothing.'

No, she really isn't. This is the level of the guys out there.
The one before I met mine - we had a coffee, and he wanted to take me for dinner. He was smart, intelligent, funny and fragrant. I agreed.
He picked a bogie out of his nose and wiped it on the table cloth.

And I’m sure I didn’t need to hear your snarky bullshit, but it happened, didn’t it?

I read your title and interpreted it differently, OP. I was thinking of the workplace where men predominantly feature as (bad) managers of women in certain industries.

You meant romantically and yes, you're right. For some women, they've been indoctrinated into the nonsense that you must have a man to be fulfilled and by the time light dawns, you're in your late 30s or beyond, having wasted so much time on energy on something that isn't real and isn't necessary.

I do understand how you feel, it sucks.

Online dating is really hard at any age. I met my boyfriend on it, but it took loads of dates and dead end convos before I met him. Then another bloke I dated for a long time (having met online) was a red flag. He's with someone else now so on the surface: great! But he wasn't nice ultimately, and I doubt he is to her. Maybe it's not these people rejecting you, but the simple fact it's hard to form a proper relationship from nothing. It's much easier via work/uni as people are less disposable. I think you should take a break, then go back to it.

Ignore it, move on. You’re making a huge fuss over nothing.

Agree that is Chad/Beta talk.
An attractive man who is committed, is by far the biggest aphrodisiac long term.

Incels do not get this difference, as they want woman that are not on their own level attractiveness-wise. So blame woman for being picky.

I'm a woman 🤣 and if someone wasn't into intimacy then that would be a deal breaker for a relationship. If someone is selfish or crap in bed, it would end a relationship pretty sharpish. Naive to think otherwise

I am not desperate to be with someone, I am just fed up of never being good enough for them.

Take this out of your head and vocabulary right now. Keep it out.
Some men will never find anyone good enough for them, they don't commit and make crap partners if they do.
Some boys never grow up, and you are meeting them.