To resent that my future depends on whether a man deems me good enough

i can’t fathom that you have a son @Bangwam1

Absolutely this.

A whole lot of people absolutely clamoring to stick the boot in - have none of you ever been absolutely sick to the back teeth of a situation and reacted emotionally?

There are days that I absolutely, wholeheartedly, cannot stand men because I have met/dated so many shit ones. On those days I would be happy never to date one again, and may just feel compelled to post on an online anonymous forum about it. I'm not a bitter or angry person, but when you're repeatedly getting shit from all angles it becomes very frustrating.

The OP has had enough of dating in a dating market that is crap. Half of you have no idea because you haven't dated for 10+ years. The sweet shop mentality of the apps makes it really difficult - people are always looking for the next best thing. Even people we meet in real life are likely to be on the apps, always scanning for someone/something 'better'. It is relentless - this is acknowledged on every single OLD thread on MN.

OP keep your standards (you've already expressed that they're realistic) and remember that as this poster has said, having kept a man isn't some kind of accomplishment - plenty of women are putting up with all sorts of crap and even if they aren't it's largely luck of the draw. I hope you get there soon

You are clearly biased by some past experience and hate all men. I am genuinely sorry for your son.

Yes, I did. You’re naive if you think you ever fully know someone. Father/husband or not.

I wish nothing but the best for you, and I sincerely hope you’re right

I think sometimes you can come over like you have it all, and are sorted .And maybe men can feel a little surplus to requirements . I dont mean you have to turn into a Dolly or change your personality .Just say something like "I am hopeless with cars" or whatever .It sounds a little trite but a friend in a similar position felt it helped her to get her BF(Now DH)

Dear god. I’d rather be single forever

you have a son @Bangwam1 😔

your relationships with your father, brother, school peers, colleagues let alone partners must have been so uniformly shite for you to have this view

ok

so that was the end of that
and yet your fury towards married
men is still red hot

Can we not argue with the idiots and goads? I am guilty of this, too, but it detracts from a thread that is very relevant to a lot of women who may see themselves here, but not want to admit it.
It's soul destroying to be in this position.

Did you just ask me if I "really know" the man who raised me???

Yes, he was there. Constantly. He did literally everything for his family and still does. He gave me a role model for how a wife and children should be treated, and that meant I chose my DH very carefully. He is also there, constantly, and everything he does is for me and our DD.

I am very sorry that you've only met rubbish men. But do not cast aspersions on other people's families because of your own misgivings.

You think you really know those men? You know what they want you to see.

I hope for you that you’re right. Not a personal attack on you 💖 much love

I'm sorry you've only had awful experiences that have made you so bitter and biased.

Clearly those of us with good men in our lives are lying. My DH, my father, my BILs, many of my male friends. I've made them all up to prove you wrong.

It’s the most searched for because the majority of men are predators. Glad we cleared that up.

OP - honestly I could have written very similar in my early 30s At 50 I’m married with teens . My husband is my best friend .

What jumps out to me is that you are picking men that aren’t enough for you and they know it and wander off perhaps in search of someone who doesn’t make them feel inadequate.. Can I suggest you try dating someone older and more your equal in ability , work etc Give another group a chance . If what you are doing isn’t working change it .

MissLuxlisbon No offence to OP who is probably an attractive young woman .Sienna Millar is a beautiful successful A list actress ! not really a comparison to a mere mortal!

OP I know what you mean. The tone/comments se online aren't representative of how you are IRL. When I was long-term single and struggling with it, I often wanted to sound off online about stuff I would never raise with anyone in real life. It didn't mean I was as angry as I sounded. Does no-one else ever make posts on here that are a bit overblown? Are the 'you sound dreadfully angry, OP' head tilters also going onto threads where wives say their husbands are driving them mad and they could murder them for forgetting to take the bins out?

Single women get it from all angles - the 'you just need to love yourself!' crew first off. Great, I loved myself. And now what? Why was the onus on me to be some perfect specimen of self-acceptance, whereas people in relationships could be as self-loathing as they wanted? (I agree it's good to have self-acceptance, and certainly self-loathing isn't something most look for in a partner, but why did I have to love myself when no-one else would? Why was it only me who it seemed had to pass that hurdle?)

You cannot win. If you say you want to meet a man who meets certain criteria, no matter how insignificant that criteria is, someone will accuse you of having too high standards. If you say that actually, you've got some good qualities yourself, and you're happy with a normal guy who isn't a 6"5 millionaire with a six pack, you're told you're doing down the guys you've dated and what makes you think you're so special anyway. Definitely-female posters pop up droning on about betas and chads and egg cartons and act like saying 'I'd like to date a man who washes at least twice a week and doesn't smoke weed all day' is asking for the moon.

Ultimately, I think the problem is a lot of people (women more so than men) think that simply being in a relationship is an accomplishment and a virtue in itself, and that gives them the right to lord it over those who aren't.

When people say there are about 3 billion men to choose from,it almost narrows the field in some ways.How about anyone at work? friends brothers or friends .I think there is nothing wrong with you at all.You sound attractive and intelligent.I think sometimes you can come over like you have it all, and are sorted .And maybe men can feel a little surplus to requirements . I dont mean you have to turn into a Dolly or change your personality .Just say something like "I am hopeless with cars" or whatever .It sounds a little trite but a friend in a similar position felt it helped her to get her BF(Now DH)

If someone wants to say all women are cows, I’m fine with it actually.

I didn’t say women are angels but should we have a look at statistics on male to female violence? I think women are idealistic, case in point.

Not a generalisation?

I deeply sorry for whatever has happened to you to lead you to say this.

Probably the best advice here.

That is what a generalisation is.

I know many good men. I know many awful ones. It's a pretty even split. Same for women.

It's a people thing, not a sex thing.

And they're the most common because they're searched repeatedly by the horrible group. Not by ALL men.

Most men aren't pigs that's a stupid thing to say. Are you okay with people saying most women are cows.

You live in clouds if you think women are angels.

Not a generalisation. There may be good men out there, cool. Most men are pigs.

why do you think ‘barely legal’ and ‘teen’ is the most searched for porn?

Because they’re lovely? Get the stars out of your eyes.

re point 2 above.
I think the problem is fishing in a limited pool. Not the OP precisely, but the stage of life.
When you take out the revolting, the sleazy, the insolvent, the ones that complain about the ex all the time, the emotionally unavailable and the ones looking for a nurse or a home, there's not a lot left. Add to this the kid in a sweet shop effect, and it's very difficult.
It's not the OP. It's not settling for the crud.