To resent that my future depends on whether a man deems me good enough

I get you OP.

I think you need to be looking, make a plan. It's not you, it's who you are meeting - or not meeting.

I would seriously look at some of the old fashioned dating companies, where people pay, and hopefully they want a partner, and don't lack commitment. The problem with OLD is that it's like kids in a sweet shop.
Ignore the posters saying you sound angry or desperate, you get the goads on these threads.

For what it's worth, I met mine when I was 40, I certainly was looking, getting desperate, and he did fall into my lap - or rather crashed into my car - and we have been very happy.

I know how you feel OP. I find it easy enough to meet men who want to date me short term, then it's always the usual "you're a great person, I just don't see a future". The only long term relationships I've had have unfortunately been abusive. I feel shit sometimes that the only men who want a relationship with me are the ones who want to abuse me.

I've been single for a while, worked on myself yada yada. I feel okay being single for now but I do wish to one day experience true, healthy love. I've never experienced that and it doesn't feel fair.

I too despise the notion of "you'll met someone when you're not looking". How are we supposed to meet someone if we're not looking?? We as human beings are social creatures, it's literally in our nature to seek companionship. As you say, all the hobbies in the world aren't really a substitute for that. Friends are great, but they don't fulfil the need for a romantic connection.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I think a lot of the responses here just aren't getting it so I wanted to say that I absolutely understand.

Write a list for yourself rather than on here of

Their name, age and how long you went out and why you think you broke up.

Are there patterns?

Are they mainly matches from online dating?

It's quite common for men and women to sleep with someone a few times, and then move on after a couple of months.

Like the 'chase' has ended, so they go in search of more fun with others.

Because for a lot of people, dating is just a bit of fun.

I get it OP, it’s perfectly bloody normal to want a life partner. Ignore the nasty superior comments.

I used to get “are you sure you’re not coming across desperate” when I was single and I used to think “yes but clearly you are given the state of your husband” as these types of women are often full of false superiority whilst married to men most of us wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.

Tips from me, as someone who’s been there and is now happily married to a great man:

Read why men love bitches and take on board any of the advice you feel is sensible
Keep going with OLD (where I eventually met mine and many people I know did) treat it like a second job
Ditch men at the first sign of just wanting sex, commitment phobe or other undesirable traits and move straight on to focusing your energy on the next
Widen your search criteria, not saying drop your standards but consider different locations, jobs, heights etc.

Most of all keep going and don’t give up!

I don't think you sound desperate or bitter or any of the things that have been thrown at you. It's frustrating and sad and the bad luck feels really unfair.

I totally felt like this in my 20s and was very lucky to meet DH randomly at 29. I don't have advice OP, I'm sorry but I get you and I empathise.

I don’t think the OP sounds ‘incredibly angry’!

Ahh ok.

We're all different and at that early stage, I would only just be thinking about getting intimate.

That's why I said I wouldn't be sure if I wanted to be official.

Yes, and that you think you are better than them. Why would they fall 'madly in love' with someone who thinks this of them? If anything I'm very likely considered out of these men's leagues. They're just very ordinary, average men

I hear you, I was in my 30’s single, living in London, really hankering after married life but not attracting guys who were in a similar place, I focused on career, then found that success intimidated some guys, I got fit and did the gym, only to find that this made Thursday night guys keen for sex only.

I remember having a serious conversation with my Mum and Step Dad about this, after a family event, where I’d entertained all the children, topped everyone’s drinks - generally life of the party looking after everyone but feeling sooooo lonely. I asked them to try and think of a suitor for me, at that point an arranged marriage would have been a great idea.

I met my DH at 34, random night out. If I hadn’t I imagine I would be happily living out in a commuter town with a dog considering sperm donor.

Stay strong, you sound fab, plan more trips away, get a pet? The solo traveller group trips are good

Dare I say it maybe it needs to be you who holds them at more of a distance whilst you assess whether they are good enough.

You’ve got some kind of weird rosy view of what relationships are like and what they do for you. You wouldn’t have to look very far on mumsnet to see that people are married to losers, tossers, abusers, cheaters, and general all-round deadbeats. Or just marginally neutral and slightly unexciting men who neither fill them with great joy nor beat them up daily.
i’m second time married and broadly happy but then at other times I would kill for my independence again. The freedom to explore, take the job I want, go on the holiday I want, not be hassled. Every choice and life path has its pluses and has its minuses.

I get the frustration, as at points in my 30s I felt that way. But if I’m being honest, I think I was probably a little desperate and that it showed.

It’s interesting too that you talk about being picky, and turning plenty of people down. So at some level you clearly hold yourself in high regard. But I wonder what it is you think you offer to the world that means you should be getting a certain type of man, but only get offers from another? Are you as genuinely engaged in life and your hobbies as you think you are?

Could it be that two months isn't long enough for anyone to want to make it official?

I'm not sure I would've been on enough dates in those few weeks to be able to decide.

Before you ask for exclusivity, have you made them feel special ? That is - do you tend to be passive in the relationship and let them do all the chasing, organising and paying for everything ?

Am not advocating any kind of grandiose, expensive gestures - just trying to uncover perhaps a root cause that is not just bad luck !

OP I am happily married with 2 kids, but I get it! It is normal to want to be someone's number 1, and to want a family in the traditional way. I have been a single parent, and, while no picnic - it's a million times better than feeling you've missed the boat.

I'm sure it will happen for you but I think if you want kids go for it anyway.

I’m older so don’t understand the going official bit. If you continued the relationship without talking about that then maybe it would continue. I don’t think a lot of men (and women) like to be pushed into or made to feel that they are in something official until they’re ready. Maybe labelling it is the problem?

No she doesn't. She sounds aware of her feelings, and realistic in admitting she is disappointed and sad.

You sound easily terrified