To resent that my future depends on whether a man deems me good enough

Then calm down with the dating. There is nothing wrong with being single. Jesus, have a read of some of the other threads where partners and husbands are being massive dicks and you'll soon realise that you probably aren't missing out.

You don't want the clichés but they are said for a reason because they're true. I gave up on dating and was a single mother for years then the right guy came along.

Not arguing with you here, just saying...these relationships always fall apart in the first few months, yes? You opened the thread talking about your mental health problems, and mental health issues are big red flags for a lot of people (not just men...it comes up regularly on here as a great reason to ditch relationships years long, much less a couple of months).

Doesn't seem like missing the point to me at all. It's not about whether you love and respect yourself, it's about whether your mental health issues - which I obviously have no real understanding of - are becoming apparent enough during that "getting to know you" phase that your potential partners are walking away.

Agree with this. Are you purposely looking for guys in their 20s?

Really? I think she sounds like a switched on woman with a lot to offer who knows what she wants. Are you standards very low so you think wanting a nice respectful partner is being hard work?

I’ll add to that that some women (and men) just aren’t ‘sexual’. I know men like this who I like and respect very much, and they’re actually ok looking, but I just don’t fancy them.

To be honest you sound like hard work.

There’s something up in that case which is putting them off. I’m not being nasty, but this is the most obvious answer, and if you can fix that you’ll fix the rest of it. Any idea what it is?

I'm in no way saying there's anything wrong with having sex after a couple of dates.

But would it make a difference if you waited a bit longer?

I mean would that help to sort out those who are likely to show a bit more commitment?

'Tagyoureit · Today 11:27
You need therapy, not a relationship.
It's not down to a future partner to fix you and your self worth is definitely not dependent on a man deeming you worthy of him.

You need to love and respect yourself before you can expect anyone else to.'

Yeah, ignore that one.

You need therapy, not a relationship.
It's not down to a future partner to fix you and your self worth is definitely not dependent on a man deeming you worthy of him.

You need to love and respect yourself before you can expect anyone else to.

Try a dating agency.

'The only one was my very first boyfriend, but I bet even he would've left'

NO. Stop it now. Stop thinking that this is your fault. Make a plan, and move forward.
For those saying meet single people, get a hobby, you just don't get it. Most people want to be in a loving relationship, despite having an otherwise fulfilled life. Most people want to be in a couple.
OP does not need advice on how to enjoy being single. That's for when she is elderly.
Trying to meet your partner in your 30's is really tough.

You need to join a proper paid for dating agency. There are plenty of crappy dating apps and sites, but you need a more credible one. I met dh through an online dating agency back in 2000 and we're still going strong. He's a decent man, they do exist, but stay away from the usual online dating places.

I think you need to stop worrying about looking desperate. Unfortunately you do need to relentlessly pursue what you want in life and finding a life partner is not easy.

You’re doing everything right in terms of keeping up a fulfilling life for yourself. You simply need to keep looking and dating more men until you find one it works out with. Don’t settle straightaway, date multiple men at the same time if possible before jumping to exclusivity.

It feels like a desperately lonely hinterland until it doesn’t…

Maybe the problem is the guys you're choosing? Those all look like "I want to try something else" excuses, not actual genuine reasons.

Have you examined your selection criteria? I'm not suggesting that you lower your standards, but rather that you see if there's any common thread that results in you picking flakes.

For a start, if you're in your 30s and they're all in their 20s, then that could be part of it (not saying it is, just a starting point).

For full disclosure, I don't know much about guys...switched sides years ago, which really just resulted in a whole different set of problems ;)

You need to meet more single people. I have a lot of single friends who all live fantastic filled lives. I envy them much of the time.

I wonder if you would benefit from doing something a bit crazy such as travelling alone for a while (if work can give you a sabbatical) or give up your job to work abroad for a charity where you get bed and board but little else?

OP, I do understand where you’re at because I had similar experiences when I was younger. Sometimes we need to get off the merry-go-round and do something different to help change our perspectives.

Hi OP,

You say that you have also rejected guys that have been interested in you, what were your reasons?

If you particularly want to parent but don't feel that single parenthood through sperm donation is for you, have you considered fostering? (I appreciate this doesn't help you find a boyfriend - if anything it might hinder it - but it might add an additional dimension to your life which you currently feel locked out from).