Friend not responding to messages, drives me nuts.

youre doing the right thing by giving deadlines to respond. Just ignore her self pity, don’t respond to it.

How is it inaccurate? Its basically the situation you described.

Yes this is very good.

I'm a terrible replier.

I am self-diagnosed ADHD(because I'm still waiting for an assessment) and I read messages then have a think about what my reply is. Then something else happens and I forget. All. The. Time.

I get pissed off that things happen without me, but at myself because I know it's my own fault.

Your friend needs to realise you can't wait endlessly for her reply. She might change, she might not, or can't, but it's her problem not yours.

You can empathise without apologising eg "yes it's a shame you missed it" rather than "Oh, I'm so sorry we went without you"

And suggest solutions without criticising eg "next time, if you make sure to reply, then we'll get tickets for you", rather than "Well if you'd bothered to reply, then we'd have bought you a ticket"

I think the problem is that she does mind. She’s upset that she was only reminded about this event once.

She probably has undiagnosed ADHD or autism and is too overwhelmed with stuff like this. If she doesn't respond then just make the plans without her. She won't mind. People with executive function issues will often stick their head in the sand and ignore a situation and hope it goes away. So if the planned meetup came and went and everything is back to normal without her needing to reply to a message then that's fine for all.

The thing is, this is actually quite weird. Can you imagine seeing that a friend was ringing you and rejecting the call? ( Assuming that you aren’t about to go in to the dentist or similar.)

I used to have a friend just like that. I danced to her tune for far too long - there was always a special circumstance why she missed the deadline everybody else managed.

The amount of guilt tripping and sob stories ruined making arrangements in the end.

Can you maybe ask her if she wants to be in the group or invited to events? To be honest I am in a group with a mum friend who has since invited about 20 new mums to the group - who I have never met let alone know their kids - and I mute their chat every week. I tried to leave, twice, and she added me back in!

She may find it too much and not want to look rude by leaving herself. I was having anxiety from a health issue and getting 40+ messages a day was not in the least helpful, for example.

Yeah

This is an argument in favour of natural consequences. Just take no notice when she complains about natural consequences because well that's just how it is when the work dries lot revolve around you.

And it doesn't.

You are completely wrong here.

She is not "a bit manipulative" She is TOTALLY manipulative, and more fool you and the other ladies for continually falling for it

I think you chose to fall for a sob story every time. Stop being so easily manipulated.

I think you'll find the moment you stop giving her sob stories/ excuses attention she will start responding more promptly.

If she's had a hard week and really believes a social event would have done her good then she would have responded to the invitation.

Stop feeding the drama if you want it to stop.

Ok, look, the problem isn’t your friend its that you are easily manipulated and easily—too easily—take some kind of ofd responsibility for her moods.

She doesn’t take responsibility for herself—if she is “having a tough week” and “it would be nice” to go out with friends it would be extremely easy for her to offer to get tix, make arrangements, call friends, adopt a cat, eat a pint of ice cream.

For some reason you and the more functional members of the group pity her, infantilize her, and resent her all at the same time. Thats not unusual. Its obvious that she presents herself as needy and unavailable. If you don’t chase her snd force her to accept hospitality she whines and moans, if you don’t include her she whines snd moans. But its also part of the group dynamic to accept her behavior, to work around it, and to bitch and moan behind her back.

If you want to salvage the relationship instead of watching it blow up zi suggest you functional types agree on a strategy snd stick to it.

The timeline for responding it too vague.
Start saying "If you want to be included when I try to get tickets online for X or Y, you need to reply by 9pm tonight. If I don't hear back from you by then, I'll assume that you have other plans"
The friends who are also getting pissed off by her inaction on responding will understand and you can always say "Oh, yes I got side tracked so I'm only putting the order through now" if they contact you after 9pm and they still want to go. By giving her the 9pm cut off, you're basically focusing her to get back to you sooner rather than "at the weekend".

I think I feel bad because she always seems to make me feel sorry for her. It's been a hard week/such a shame she's not getting to go/it would have done her good etc

Shes not the loveliest person. She's a manipulative gas lighter

Don't feel bad and don't believe her nasty little bullshits

She sounds like a total pain in the backside. As many others have said - tickets are being booked at time X. If you don't reply before then unfortunately crystal ball isn't available to ascertain whether you fancied it or not.

"would have done me good after a hard week". Jesus Christ. Grow up.

Call me petty, but if she's complaining about this via Whatsapp (or text, or any kind of social media) then I would be tempted to just... not reply...

Just screenshot the original question and any chases back to her, then leave her to sulk.

You don’t have to “live life on WhatsApp” to answer a simple message - and you certainly can’t get annoyed if you lose out when you don’t answer that message.

Just remove her from the group. No point her being on it she dosent use it.

Living life on WhatsApp isn’t for everyone. Going out a lot and planning ahead likewise. If she really is disappointed she will engage more quickly but she might just not like all the messaging