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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU on how much freedom to give a 5 year old??

63 replies

Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 08:32

Hi all, my son has just turned 5 and is wonderful, but very rambunctious and wild. We live in a lovely village with a big green space that's used by everyone, dogs, families, for picnics etc, fringed by a little forest. Whenever we go there he'll run off with the other kids and the problem is I completely panic as soon as I can't see him anymore - any other parent seems fine with this and presumes they'll return eventually. There's a small stream of water as well and the forest is big...Am I AIBU to think that in this age you still have to watch them?? I feel like such a fool running after him but I can't help myself. But also don't want to be that overbearing parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 09:22

Imicola · 23/06/2024 08:38

How sensible is your child? Personally I'd talk to mine in advance and set some rules about not going out of sight, then if she did yes i would probably be going to get her back. Sounds a bit risky with a stream and a forest where they may get lost. I think my daughter is pretty sensible, but accidents can still happen and bad people exist so it's a balance.

That's it , he's not very sensible and will forget all about rules when he's having fun 🙈My friends little girl however will just obey rules and would never stray out of sight!

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 23/06/2024 09:18

i think your attitude is correct

WonderingAboutThus · 23/06/2024 09:16

I let my kids out at that age, but not near open water or busy roads.

longdistanceclaraclara · 23/06/2024 09:15

At 5 with a stream. Not a chance.

RefusingToPlayYourGames · 23/06/2024 09:11

Moveoverdarlin · 23/06/2024 08:35

At 5 I wouldn’t let them out of my sight.

Exactly. 5 is too young for any real freedom

Beezknees · 23/06/2024 09:11

I would not let a 5 year old out of my sight.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 23/06/2024 09:10

I take my 5 year old to a park with a strip of woods either side. They are allowed in the woods, but they aren't allowed out the other side. I have to trust them that they'll stick to that boundary.

Re. The stream, it depends- is it shallow or deep! Fast or slow? If it's ankle deep and reliably slow, why not let him paddle but teach him how to do it safely? Or ask him to tell you first? Can you talk to him about the dangers and how to keep himself safe.

Go straight home when he breaks the rules, and he'll only test them once or twice.

I'd work on tricky people/body safety rules as well.

Createausername1970 · 23/06/2024 09:03

I think the peskiest kids also have teleportation powers.

Figgygal · 23/06/2024 09:03

Don't lower your own standards because of the others lack of supervision
I'd not be letting mine off unseen at that age either

viques · 23/06/2024 09:01

Five year olds brains don’t do logic. I remember the “discussion” I had with my friends very smart little boy when he told me ( insisted) that cartoon characters were real people. When you are up against that sort of thinking then as an adult you have to be the one taking charge.

Icecreamcone100 · 23/06/2024 08:59

Even if they are the most sensible child in the world, I still wouldn’t let a 5 year old run off into a forest with a stream without me (or anywhere out of my sight!)

Createausername1970 · 23/06/2024 08:59

I feel your stress. I had one like this. Would disappear in the time it took to blink. Drove me mad, I was constantly having to search him out.

If i had known about them 17 years ago - assuming they were actually a thing back then - I would make him wear an air tag wrist band.

I would still have been searching him out on a regular basis, but at least I would know where to start!

Mouswife · 23/06/2024 08:57

They must be supervised at 5. Anyone who is not doing this is asking for trouble.

Noimaginationforaun · 23/06/2024 08:57

I have a very adventurous just turned 5 year old. I wouldn’t let him run off unseen with a group of other 5 year olds, especially near a stream or woods. He would 100% go paddling or climb a tree. Absolutely fine for him to do that when I can see him or he is with an older child that I know (for example, he has an 11 year old cousin and if we go with him, I am more comfortable because they know to stick together).

Original poster
Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 08:55

brightpompoms · 23/06/2024 08:47

There's a middle ground to be had here. Can you sit and picnic somewhere nearer the stream so the kids are insight but you are not on top of them and involved in their play?

@brightpompoms that's what I try and do. As long as I can see him I'm fine but the sweats of panic set in as soon as I can't see him. I'm so glad that all you guys don't think I'm mental and that it's normal to watch them closely at this age!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 08:54

Mumoftwo1316 · 23/06/2024 08:35

Are the other kids also 5 or are they a range of ages? If there are older, responsible ones I'd be a bit more relaxed.

This is a culture thing though, I'm not from the UK originally so I'm usually way off most mumsnetters in things like this

They are the same age..... And my little one gets so excited and caught up in the moment, he would probably take his shoes off and splash in the stream (I really do try my hardest to instil a bit more sensible behaviour but we have an issue with listening ears at the moment 🤔) same @Mumoftwo1316 I've grown up abroad and would like to give him more freedom but he's so wild and adventurous I feel I just can't take the risk!

OP posts:
TooLateForRoses · 23/06/2024 08:53

Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 08:50

They're the same age!! That's the thing - none of them are older but I get the feeling the parents think they're more sensible than my little boy is.

Show quote history

It's fine. Ignore the other parents in your decision making

Original poster
Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 08:50

Hellooooy1 · 23/06/2024 08:49

Also - how old are the other kids?

They're the same age!! That's the thing - none of them are older but I get the feeling the parents think they're more sensible than my little boy is.

OP posts:
Hellooooy1 · 23/06/2024 08:49

Also - how old are the other kids?

Hellooooy1 · 23/06/2024 08:48

I had a very free childhood and like the idea of my child having the same. But five is still too young for disappearing out of sight in my opinion, so I’d be the same as you!

brightpompoms · 23/06/2024 08:47

There's a middle ground to be had here. Can you sit and picnic somewhere nearer the stream so the kids are insight but you are not on top of them and involved in their play?

Cheeesus · 23/06/2024 08:46

It depends how big the little forest is. As big as a suburban garden, fine, but I think the stream makes it not ok.

ThreeEggOmlette · 23/06/2024 08:44

5 is too little to be out of sight & even if the kids he's running round with are a little older, it's not fair or sensible to put responsibility on them to watch your DC.

As PP said, I'd put clear boundaries in place - you need to be able to see me/to the edge of the woods but no further etc and enforce them with consequences if they are broken.

I'm not a helicopter parent but at 5 you need to have eyes on IMO.

Sue152 · 23/06/2024 08:42

I would want to be able to see him at all times, you can't expect a 5 year old to be responsible and always make good choices they're just little kids.

WhatsUnderneathTheClothesBrookeDavis · 23/06/2024 08:39

Nope at that age I wouldn’t. Better safe than sorry- my DS is 8 and I want to be able to see him whenever we’re out. Whether that makes me overbearing I don’t know but it only takes a minute for something bad to happen.

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