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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not sure what to make of this behaviour at a concert?

153 replies

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:16

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

OP posts:
trythisforsize · 23/06/2024 09:08

It's playful (ish) now, one day it won't be.

This is a man that likes to exert his power and control over women.

Last date I reckon.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 23/06/2024 09:07

Given you've previously kicked him in the balls and he hasn't stop definitely throw this one back. He doesn't GAF about consent or boundaries, what he did wasn't ok or acceptable at all.

QuillBill · 23/06/2024 09:05

Jesus. 'Massively into play fighting'. Sure he is. He's literally training you like a dog.

Tarantella6 · 23/06/2024 09:05

The only faintly positive interpretation of this is he's emotionally immature because that's the kind of thing teenagers do. Unfortunately I'm not sure that's any more attractive than a controlling psycho who's going to end up hurting you so either way, I don't think it's worth persevering.

A single, please don't go and a hug would have been irritating but okay. He took it too far, like children do, and that is deeply unsexy.

biscuitsnow · 23/06/2024 09:05

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 23/06/2024 08:14

He is showing you clearly that he is prepared to use physical force to force you to do what you don't want to do. He couldnt be any more clear.

Bluntly, his defence at your murder trial will be "Sex game gone wrong".

I agree. "She liked choking- it was only a game", "I didnt realise how strong I actually was", "thats just how our relationship was- we were always physical with each other- she loved it", "no, we were both always physical with each other- I cant understand how this happened, I loved her so much"

shudder

Arconialiving · 23/06/2024 09:05

prettydesertflower · 23/06/2024 07:25

He is testing the boundaries to see how much you will accept. To do that in public is very disrespectful and given people were looking he was definitely trying to humiliate you.

This! Massive red flag - please get far far away from him.

FOJN · 23/06/2024 09:03

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

You'd had enough and had to kick him in the balls to get him to stop?

Let him go. He's not remotely respectful or responsive to your boundaries.

betterangels · 23/06/2024 09:03

RedHelenB · 23/06/2024 08:57

Were you laughing, did you sound cross?

Show quote history

Since she had to kick him in the bollocks to get away, I doubt she was laughing.

Brexile · 23/06/2024 09:02

Oh no, I voted YABU by accident! Obviously YANBU! He sounds frightening and I wouldn't want to be alone with him.

BileBeansSara · 23/06/2024 09:01

If you stay with this lemon, you will never know when he is about to strike with his 'physical humour' . I couldn't live with knowing any minute I might have my neck snapped as part of a joke.

wickerlady · 23/06/2024 09:00

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

Absolutely not, in the bin!

wickerlady · 23/06/2024 08:59

That sounds awful, I wouldn't like that at all.

bergamotorange · 23/06/2024 08:59

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

This just sounds like red flag city.

RedHelenB · 23/06/2024 08:57

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:18

I kept saying to him, get off me, let go, and so on.

Were you laughing, did you sound cross?

bergamotorange · 23/06/2024 08:57

Beautifulbythebay · 23/06/2024 08:55

His behaviour was bad but honestly leaving because you would be too tired for work is ridiculous.... Who leaves a concert early??

Adults who want to.

People are free to do as they choose.

bergamotorange · 23/06/2024 08:56

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:18

I kept saying to him, get off me, let go, and so on.

Have ONE serious conversation and if he is anything but completely ashamed and apologetic at a (possible) misplaced 'joke' then end it straight away.

This is a genuine red flag, don't ignore it.

Using strength this way is not to be ignored.

swayingpalmtree · 23/06/2024 08:56

Agree with PP about if he does this in public what on earth will he do in private?

He restrained you to the point of other people looking and seemingly being concerned- that is extremely worrying and the woman watching was probably concerned for your safety as I would be in her shoes.

Dont ignore this- this is how abuse starts and it WILL escalate as he's doing this right at the start when people are supposedly on their best behaviour.
He isnt "sweet", it isnt "sweet", its controlling and abusive.

Beautifulbythebay · 23/06/2024 08:55

His behaviour was bad but honestly leaving because you would be too tired for work is ridiculous.... Who leaves a concert early??

Fizbosshoes · 23/06/2024 08:54

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

ImO it's not playfighting if it's not mutual between both parties and not stopping without force.
That would be a deal breaker for me

ash677x · 23/06/2024 08:52

Massive Red Flag. If that's what he can do in public I dread to think what could happen behind closed doors.

BuggeryBumFlaps · 23/06/2024 08:50

No no and another no! This is ongoing behaviour and not just a one off. To have to kick a man in the balls to get him to stop shows he likes to exert physical control over you, with no regards to your feelings. The same as sex, no means no, get off means get off etc

CurlewKate · 23/06/2024 08:50

If you say stop-he stops. Whatever it is.

MrRydersParlourGame · 23/06/2024 08:50

This sort of thing can be cute for about 5 seconds - you go to leave and they jokingly hang on and pull you back in for one more kiss goodbye or similar.

Being physically restrained for several minutes while you tell them to let you go is not fun. I can't bear it even when my husband playfully blocks a door. Because i actually am trapped unless he chooses to move. It reminds you that all the physical power is theirs. Horrible.

Potentialmadcatlady · 23/06/2024 08:49

A sec or two might be funny/playfighting… more than that nope.. just nope…

Packingcubesqueen · 23/06/2024 08:47

It’s an LTB from me. Men who do not listen when you are being serious and telling them no are not good guys. It’s controlling and inconsiderate at best and creepy and rapey at worst.