Husband’s hobby destroying marriage

Sounds a bit presumptuous for a family with young children as you'd probably expect one weekend day to have the flexibility to be taken up with family activities/kid's hobbies or parties.

It’ll be cycling.

I couldn’t be arsed with this man child.

Tell him to fuck off.

I don't think the hobby is really the problem, more the lack of any other help at all.
Also doesn't really matter what other people think is too much time out of the house, it only really matters how much time out of the house you think is too much.

You have 2 days when you don't work to do your hobby I too though Would you work FT, and dh do the housework and clubs?And you do your hobbies when he does them now If you're prepared to swap then tell him that, see what you can agree

The problem is he's not pulling his weight in the house or with the kids and expects you to pick up the slack. He needs to realise that you're BOTH entitled to time off for yourselves and at the moment it's only him that's getting it! He's massively taking the piss. Tell him you're not doing it any more and that you need to sit down and work out a fairer division of labour and free time. Make a list of all the chores and divide them up. He probably has no idea of how much you do because he's never thought about it!

He’s behaving like a single bloke. Taking the piss

This 👆

There isn't a rule about how much people should be in or out. And a partner with interests is a good thing.

There is however a rule that if you have a partner, you should feel as if there is a partnership. Nobody should feel that they are drowning alone. You're feeling taken for granted because he is assuming the work you do is your choice or inessential.

Ask him to come up with a solution. And don't be afraid to get angry if the response is boneheaded. It's easy for him to say 'well if it's too much just don't do x' but just because he hasn't thought about the consequences of that loss doesn't mean it isn't a loss, particularly to your children. A well run home with good fresh food and purposeful activities and cared-for teeth and bodies and clothes and relationships and talents and all the rest of it doesn't happen by magic.

You should sit down and put a schedule together where you are out as much as he is, so 2-3 evenings and one full weekend day. See how he copes.

Your husbands hobby is not the problem.
He is.
He only works 4 days...so he has a 3 day weekend and does his hobby on 1 of them.

Two nights a week and a day at the weekend in season is pretty standard for sports.
My OH did give up when the kids started doing their own sports evenings and weekends (rather than just Saturday mornings) but now he goes to the gym instead the total time is the same...but he always did the bedtime routine, the morning routine and more than his share of washing and cleaning

Don’t do his washing or organise his "stuff". Maybe don’t prepare food for him, or shop for him? Maybe cut back to two days a week work…tell him to work five?

im not if any of those suggestions would work, or escalate the problem. The one fact is though, is that what you’re doing now is unsustainable.

You seem to have” mug “ stuck to your forehead OP. He’s living the life of literally whilst you run around after him.
He no longer sees you or his children. The only thing that matters to him is his own needs .
Only you can change this unhealthy and miserable dynamic. You need to decide if he’s worth the effort

You need a new hobby. The same amount of time. Tell him you are trialing a gym for a month. See how he manages.... Trial local coffee shops of the gym isn't for you! He is a massive piss taker.

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youre not unreasonable.

This. If you were buggaring off 2-3 evenings a week and one day at the weekend I’m sure it would be a different story OP. Tell him you’ll take it week about, you go out 3 evenings one week and one weekend day he gets to do his hobby the next week. He’s taking the piss big time.

It's cycling again isn't it? Stick a nail in his tyre.

Nope. He’d be looking at divorce papers by now. His behaviour tells you that he loves the hobby more than he does his family.

Is it golf?

It’s the unequal ness that’s the issue. Could he cut down his hobby time?

It's not the hobby really it's that he leaves the bulk of household stuff to you.

My husband goes to all of his football club matches and has hobby time inbetween but he does dinner, bath, bed and dishwasher before he leaves.

I think you'd find if he did his share of that then you'd not be so bothered about hobby time.

He is being selfish.

Agree not so much the time but the unequal part of it. We each spend 2 evenings on hobby taking in turns to do bedtime and sometimes a full day each (and sometimes as a family) on a weekend though definitely not every weekend. Works for us as we both get that amount of time but you get hardly anytime for yourself

Cycling?

What does he actually bring to the relationship and family life? What do you think he would say/do if you pointed out that your life would be easier out of the marriage (if that’s how you feel)? (Note. if you’re seriously considering leaving you’d want to plan carefully). Could things be massively improved just by being more assertive about what you need him to do as standard without you reminding him?

What is the hobby??

He is taking the piss and I say that as someone who myself has a sporting hobby that I returned to 6 weeks after giving birth!!

You and him should get equal free time

Plus regular family time together - when does he actually spend time with his kids if he’s out all day both days at weekends??

It's fine if you get the same and everything else is split 50/50.

The problem isn't really the hobby as much as unfortunately your husband is a drain on the family/a complete waste of space.