DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

By sulking if he doesn't get sex he is by definition being coercive and abusive. He may not realise this, he may be acting from a place of hurt and rejection but it doesn't change that he's coercing her.

He's not being coercive or abusive. He most likely suspects (he can't know for sure, because you've not told him) that you don't fancy him as much as he does you. He's not expressing his emotion in a healthy way, but neither are you. You need to be honest with him (and yourself) that you don't enjoy sex. Maybe once that's established you and he can find a way to stay married, but it shouldn't be in a way where either one of you will be unhappy. It may well transpire that it's better to end the marriage.

Sexual coercion is childish? I've heard it all now.

Perhaps Op would desire Sex more if she was with someone who treated her well and didn't sulk when she says no to sex. Only a guess... 🤷‍♂️

This is why im single and staying single.
My last partner was like this he became a sex pest he became an ex.
I dont miss sex i the older i got the less i was in to it.
Its been 9 and a half years and still dont miss it.
Love being single.

So toxic. Please consider getting some counselling.

He’s not leaving because you’re not being honest that sex is off the table for life.They are your feelings so you need to open the conversation about how you feel.

He sounds awful and I’d struggle to be in a relationship at all with someone like this. Assuming you don’t want to end the marriage you need to have a serious conversation and tell him if he wants sex again then the way to get you in the mood is by helping out with the children and the house, not criticising or moaning as this is a massive turn off.

He needs to realise that this is to some extent within his control but not in the way he thinks - bribery and moodiness will only push you away further whereas love, respect and kindness are much more likely to make you want to act lovingly towards him. I think if he actually did start acting in a loving and respectful way towards you then you’d start finding him more attractive and feel like you want to sleep with him again.

So, is there anything you both do like doing together?
Say, going to a film or out dancing or eating chocolate after a walk I would be making more time to participate together in warm, communicative and enjoyable past times together..
Could you make a date to do that and m,aybe both end up with a much better sex life as a result?

What codswallop. Sex with this charmer is obviously not an act of love. Meet someone repulsive who has turned you off sex in the middle? I don’t think so.

Because most men are cowards and want the blame put on the women for leaving.

" I honestly wouldn't care if I never had sex again.

I only do it to avoid the moods, never because I want to."

Read the OP it's short and couldn't be clearer.
She doesn't want sex with him.
She endures it, he feels entitled to it every Friday and he strops for the weekend without it.
Utterly toxic for her and her children.
Better to separate than inflict his moods on her and the children.

forced sex is coercion which is rape end of.

no one and I mean no one should be having sex they don’t want ever regardless of how the other person feels. More so if he’s sulky grown man. He knows you’re giving in so what does that say about him and it’s not virtuous

if you don’t want to end your marriage go to counselling alone as it might be an eye opener for you in helping you see what’s actually wrong in your marriage and then deciding.

by the way catholics divorce too

The sex life you both have is awful though. He hassles and coerces you into sex you really don't want. Neither of you is having a fulfilling mutually enjoyable sex life. You may be asexual or you may have been turned off sex with him permanently because of his behaviour. You're asking if this can be saved without divorce and the answer is obviously no. You can continue living like this or you can separate. It's totally toxic.

You've just read that some people like/need sex with their partners and are unhappy when they don't get it.

That's a great idea. Or even just teaching these things realistically in school PSHE would be a good start.

I mean, from my perspective you're not easily giving up on a marriage. You're in a situation where you never really want to have sex again, yet you are facing another 30 years of being coerced into sex EVERY friday night, or facing punishments of an angry miserable bloke who will ruin your weekend. This is a bloody awful way to love and a grim future if you ask me.

Just saying, don't minimise this, it's a miserable situation and enough for you to stop and reassess.

so you leave your husband
deal with all the shit that comes with a divorce
he’s not going to be happy because he sees it as your fault so I can’t imagine a divorce being amicable

meybe in a year or 2 you get on the dating apps
and realise that pretty much all the men on there want is sex

a fair amount are married looking for sex cos there wife / partner is like you so they look elsewhere

others will just lie and say what you want to hear to get you in bed

to be honest unless you never desire a relationship again sex is something most men will want

But you shouldn’t feel forced into sex by someone winging and moaning

but he also shouldn’t feel he has to stay in a sexless relationship

He's manipulating you. Sex does not cure personal unhappiness. His unhappiness is within him. If you gave into him he'd just move the goalposts and claim he was unhappy with the type of sex you were having and start demanding anal or some other godawful thing. It's all about control with guys like that.
He's responsible for his own happiness. It's not your job to lift his perpetually negative mood by offering up your body.
He is trying to use sex as an antidepressant. It doesn't work. He needs to get some professional help.

We were together 8 years before marriage and lived together for 4 years too.

@maggh His Catholicism is only when it suits him, then?

I think if he doesn't want to try counselling then you can't go on like this, it's horrible to put up with this sort of man.

Mine was like that for a while. It is, with some men an actual need that does affect their mood. He worked all week and expected to me togo get shopping and start the weekend washing too first. I worked all week and by Friday I was exhausted. I refused him and woke him early Saturday morning for a couple of weeks - he hated it. Sex in the morning was not his thing, but it worked.

@maggh

You say you want counseling but he won't go. Any counselor worth their salt will tell you that if your partner won't go, you go alone. There are obvious problems in your marriage and a counselor can help you sift through things and sort the wheat from the chaff. Then you can make a decision as to whether or not you feel you need to make changes in yourself for yourself, and/or whether you want to stay or end the marriage, given that he will not change on his own.

Barring abuse and/or medical issues, the lack of sex in a marriage is generally the symptom of the problems, not the problems themselves. And the actual problems are usually not sexual/libido related. They're the 'other things' in the marriage that simply aren't working.

As far as the sex itself, as PPs have said, it's not a bargaining chip. My late mother (born in the 1920s) told me that sex is a joyous and mutual coming together of two people to show their love for each other. It doesn't sound like that's what's going on in your marriage.

As so many people have said, sex is not something that one person “gives” and another one “gets”. It’s something the two of you do together. So you don’t want it and he just wants to wank into you?
it may or may not be the case that you never want to have sex again. What is clear is that you don’t want it with him. You don’t fancy him. You aren’t attracted to him. He’s coerced you, you feel he brings you down, and you resent him.

Why would you stay with him?