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Original poster

DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

334 replies

maggh · 22/06/2024 20:55

There's a clear correlation.

He expects it every Friday night basically.

If I don't want to or say no, he's super grumpy all weekend. He doesn't talk much, moaps around, doesn't want to do anything, criticises stuff I've left undone at home. Just bad vibes all round.

I honestly wouldn't care if I never had sex again.

I only do it to avoid the moods, never because I want to.

Sometimes I say no, I'm tried or whatever and he just says he hates his life.

He also smokes and says if I ' gave him more sex ' he'd quit.

We have two kids under 5.

I'm feeling very resentful.

OP posts:
DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 23/06/2024 13:30

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They stopped existing when marital rape was made illegal 🙄

StormingNorman · 23/06/2024 13:29

WalksLikeACrab · 23/06/2024 12:33

I don’t agree that this is just ‘Oh she doesn’t want sex ever again’. Someone with small children, settling hormones, who is exhausted, typically doesn’t want sex. Saying ‘it’s just mismatched sex drives’ is dismissing the underlying issues. The fact that OP won’t allow herself to enjoy sex because she feels as though her husband will ‘win’ suggests there is so much more going on here.

This is about mismatched sex drives. It runs much, much deeper.

Show quote history

OP has lost interest in sex with all her partners quite quickly. This isn’t situational to her husband and having a young family. And it was OP who said she never wants sex again. Some people just aren’t very sexual and that’s ok. It’s wrong to suggest that lack of interest in sex is some psychological problem that needs fixing.

The problem is that her husband does want sex and this is going to keep on causing tensions in their relationship with them becoming more unhappy and more distant.

MissUltraViolet · 23/06/2024 13:26

Your relationship is done. You don't want to have sex with him because you don't like him. Have you read back some of your posts? Can't you see it?

It's time to sit down and have a serious talk. You can't go on like this and you and your children deserve better.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/06/2024 13:20

Bloody hell op he sounds horrible.

You and the kids deserve much more, start sorting yourself out and working out how to separate.

Imagine how much nicer your life will be without him in it.

WalksLikeACrab · 23/06/2024 13:10

OP, given your latest updates you have no choice but to end this marriage.

Sex is not the main issue here, as I’ve said many time now. You need to leave.

MateyMusings · 23/06/2024 13:07

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Original poster
maggh · 23/06/2024 13:04

I see so many dads with their families at my gym at the weekend, taking their kids to activities and just being present with their kids.

He came once and said he's never coming back to spend time in this hell hole with ' those losers '.

Why the fuck not ? We go to a big gym with soft play / swimming / kids activities. My kids love it. He could get involved but of course I have to drag them there alone, as usual. He just won't do anything.

He basically won't do stuff that's ' just for kids '. He despises it. On the rare occasion we go to a playground, they get 5 minutes - he just stands there hating every second and then rushes us away as quickly as possible.

Everything we do is like this. I just want my kids to have fun and I want to have fun with my kids too. He just seems to have no patience and hates it.

I see so many dads with their kids OUT and about, enjoying their families.

I have to beg for him to come and do stuff with us. He's happy to sleep in and let me go by myself. He's never taken the kids anywhere by himself.

OP posts:
EC22 · 23/06/2024 13:03

maggh · 23/06/2024 12:59

He's not kind. He doesn't even do basic kindness.

Morning honey, how are you ? Are you alright ?

Gets met with basically no comment. He's just constantly sat there ignoring me and hating his life.

Well fuck off then if we make you so unhappy.

I know the kids are hard work ( most of which I do on my own anyway ).

I'm always nice to him, kind to him, looking out for him / making sure he's fed and watered.

He just fucking expects some house hold appliance that does 100 percent house work, feeds him at the weekend too, constantly cleaning up his shit PLUS pulls in a nice BIG paycheque too. He can't even put his fucking laundry in the basket. It's beyond a joke. He has breakfast, leaves EVERYTHING out. Milk, corn flakes, cups, plates etc and just walks off upstairs to spend 30 minutes stinking out our en suite. Doesn't even have the mind to perhaps close the fucking door when he's done, so it doesn't stink out our bedroom too.

It's not even that, it's the constant face on him, I cannot stand. The constant sighing, the constant sounds of ' fuck sake ' cos he can't find something in his own house. The constant blame he puts on me for everything. I could go on.

I want a get up and go kind of person by my side. Someone who brings the better things out in me, someone who inspires me to do new things. Someone who doesn't laugh at me when I suggest a trip out to the beach on a Sunday morning on a whim ( we only live 45 minutes from a beach ). Not someone I have to baby sit and tip toe around.

Sounds like sex is the least of your worries.
You hate your husband, of course you don’t want to shag him.

Kitkat1523 · 23/06/2024 13:03

maggh · 23/06/2024 12:59

He's not kind. He doesn't even do basic kindness.

Morning honey, how are you ? Are you alright ?

Gets met with basically no comment. He's just constantly sat there ignoring me and hating his life.

Well fuck off then if we make you so unhappy.

I know the kids are hard work ( most of which I do on my own anyway ).

I'm always nice to him, kind to him, looking out for him / making sure he's fed and watered.

He just fucking expects some house hold appliance that does 100 percent house work, feeds him at the weekend too, constantly cleaning up his shit PLUS pulls in a nice BIG paycheque too. He can't even put his fucking laundry in the basket. It's beyond a joke. He has breakfast, leaves EVERYTHING out. Milk, corn flakes, cups, plates etc and just walks off upstairs to spend 30 minutes stinking out our en suite. Doesn't even have the mind to perhaps close the fucking door when he's done, so it doesn't stink out our bedroom too.

It's not even that, it's the constant face on him, I cannot stand. The constant sighing, the constant sounds of ' fuck sake ' cos he can't find something in his own house. The constant blame he puts on me for everything. I could go on.

I want a get up and go kind of person by my side. Someone who brings the better things out in me, someone who inspires me to do new things. Someone who doesn't laugh at me when I suggest a trip out to the beach on a Sunday morning on a whim ( we only live 45 minutes from a beach ). Not someone I have to baby sit and tip toe around.

And yet you choose to say and have sex with someone you fecking hate…..more fool you OP

EC22 · 23/06/2024 13:02

maggh · 22/06/2024 22:23

Someone up thread said he doesn't sound like he'd be trying to give me pleasure and would be selfish.

He's not actually like that. But I just don't want to let go. I don't want to enjoy it. I just can't enjoy it. It's like he'd win if I enjoyed it.

How fucked up is that ?

I need a shrink.

That is pretty fucked up?
Do you hate him?

MateyMusings · 23/06/2024 13:02

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Original poster
maggh · 23/06/2024 12:59

He's not kind. He doesn't even do basic kindness.

Morning honey, how are you ? Are you alright ?

Gets met with basically no comment. He's just constantly sat there ignoring me and hating his life.

Well fuck off then if we make you so unhappy.

I know the kids are hard work ( most of which I do on my own anyway ).

I'm always nice to him, kind to him, looking out for him / making sure he's fed and watered.

He just fucking expects some house hold appliance that does 100 percent house work, feeds him at the weekend too, constantly cleaning up his shit PLUS pulls in a nice BIG paycheque too. He can't even put his fucking laundry in the basket. It's beyond a joke. He has breakfast, leaves EVERYTHING out. Milk, corn flakes, cups, plates etc and just walks off upstairs to spend 30 minutes stinking out our en suite. Doesn't even have the mind to perhaps close the fucking door when he's done, so it doesn't stink out our bedroom too.

It's not even that, it's the constant face on him, I cannot stand. The constant sighing, the constant sounds of ' fuck sake ' cos he can't find something in his own house. The constant blame he puts on me for everything. I could go on.

I want a get up and go kind of person by my side. Someone who brings the better things out in me, someone who inspires me to do new things. Someone who doesn't laugh at me when I suggest a trip out to the beach on a Sunday morning on a whim ( we only live 45 minutes from a beach ). Not someone I have to baby sit and tip toe around.

OP posts:
MateyMusings · 23/06/2024 12:56

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Ilovebees · 23/06/2024 12:54

in my opinion the solution is simple , OP tells her husband it’s OVER and get him to move out , give him 2 weeks . Get divorce papers together and he won’t have a choice . This is not love , this is hating each other for not getting their own ways . Not a way to live a life . If he won’t move , she can move herself out of this situation , I know it’s hard to do but better than staying with someone you hate so much to have any sexual contact with forever . OP needs to make this official to him , no more sex and we are over . Or she can say , no more sex , but you can stay married to me if you want , but you have to accept no sex from me . Then it’s up to him what he decides to do .

WalksLikeACrab · 23/06/2024 12:52

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Okay, this absolutely isn’t what I meant. I don’t think you should give a man sex just because they want sex at all. I actually think the way men seem to think they’re entitled to sex, the ways in which they sometimes go about getting sex and will sometimes just take sex (by raping other men, women and children) is disgusting.

My point is that this whole scenario isn’t about sex at all, but both parties are using sex as the issue when there is clearly a lot more happening.

Original poster
maggh · 23/06/2024 12:50

@MateyMusings but that's exactly it isn't it.

How fucking dare he only be nice to me if he gets his ' conjugals '.

What the fuck am I to him ? Some hole ?

He should be nice to me regardless and treat me like a man who loves his wife. He does not treat me kindly. He doesn't even listen to me when I speak.

OP posts:
MateyMusings · 23/06/2024 12:46

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TuesdayWhistler · 23/06/2024 12:42

Ilovebees · 23/06/2024 12:21

I know if this story was the other way round where the guy didn’t give the woman sex, the guy would be the worst husband in the world for not satisfying his wife and would be told to bugger off as a selfish person . And that the women deserves to feel loved and wanted , not rejected when it comes to sex . But when it’s a man who’s not getting it and wanting it , he’s raping .

Is the woman in your scenario punishing the man in petty and childish ways in an attempt to make.sure the man doesn't do it again?

Because that's what OPs husband is doing.
He's creating an atmosphere as a punishment as a way to ensure OP thinks twice about saying no to him.

WalksLikeACrab · 23/06/2024 12:33

StormingNorman · 23/06/2024 12:22

They are fundamentally incompatible. OP doesn’t really want sex with anyone; this situation isn’t unique to her husband. They have different sex drives and put a wedge in their relationship. They need to split or have an open relationship because she cannot decide he doesn’t get sex anymore.

Show quote history

I don’t agree that this is just ‘Oh she doesn’t want sex ever again’. Someone with small children, settling hormones, who is exhausted, typically doesn’t want sex. Saying ‘it’s just mismatched sex drives’ is dismissing the underlying issues. The fact that OP won’t allow herself to enjoy sex because she feels as though her husband will ‘win’ suggests there is so much more going on here.

This is about mismatched sex drives. It runs much, much deeper.

MateyMusings · 23/06/2024 12:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TuesdayWhistler · 23/06/2024 12:33

I don't care what others say, based on the OP alone, your husband is raping you.

No it's. No buts.

It's coercive and emotionally manipulated sex to avoid punishment, his punishment is being moody like a child.

DO NOT TOLERATE THIS LEAVE ASAP

PaminaMozart · 23/06/2024 12:28

maggh · 23/06/2024 08:35

He could leave though couldn't he, if it was really that bad for him ? Why is he not leaving ? Why is it up to me to leave ?

I won't be responsible for leaving. If he hates it so much, he can leave.

You won't be responsible for leaving???!!!!!

Why? You are responsible for your own life. Take charge of the situation...... why wouldn't you?

StormingNorman · 23/06/2024 12:22

GingerPirate · 23/06/2024 09:55

@StormingNorman Glad you're not MY husband.
👍

They are fundamentally incompatible. OP doesn’t really want sex with anyone; this situation isn’t unique to her husband. They have different sex drives and put a wedge in their relationship. They need to split or have an open relationship because she cannot decide he doesn’t get sex anymore.

Ilovebees · 23/06/2024 12:21

I know if this story was the other way round where the guy didn’t give the woman sex, the guy would be the worst husband in the world for not satisfying his wife and would be told to bugger off as a selfish person . And that the women deserves to feel loved and wanted , not rejected when it comes to sex . But when it’s a man who’s not getting it and wanting it , he’s raping .

StormingNorman · 23/06/2024 12:17

maggh · 23/06/2024 09:10

@StormingNorman I never lie about my feelings.

He knows how I feel about things. We openly talk about it frequently.

Then if he knows you don’t want sex and still expects it, he is abusing you. Either way the mismatched sex drives is making you both unhappy. If you don’t see it changing, you really do need to consider staying married.