DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

@maggh no I’m not trying to bring you down even more , I’m just suprised at how many people in this situation hope it gets better when they already see some red flags , bringing another baby into the world hoping it will fix things has never been a good decision for anyone . You saw some red flags in him before the second baby so now you just have to live with this . Actually you don’t have to live like this anymore , you can move out today if you really wanted to . I just don’t understand why you won’t move away from him ? Like you said , he won’t go , so could you go instead ? In the meantime tell him it’s over so you won’t have to give him sex anymore until you ready to move away . Hopefully he will move out himself and that would be even easier for you .

Why is incel type bullshit in this thread?
If you're not here to help the OP, why are you here?

This isn't just about sex. If you'd read the thread you know he treats her like crap, which is probably why she doesn't want sex.

@Godnotthisagain In another post OP has already stated that her husband is not willing to see a marital therapist to discuss the issue.

I would suggest reading her updates before using words like "victim", they provide further details on her husband, including how is he is as a spouse and a parent.

So he's a shit father as well as a shit husband then. You really should leave.

Thankfully, marital rape was made illegal, which means rapists no longer have a get-out-of-jail-free card simply because they married their victim.

You're assuming she would want to find a boyfriend. She could stay single. Many women are very happy single. If you don't like sex, it's stay single or find a man who is also asexual. They do exist. However, since they are rare, singledom is the most likely outcome.

"Don't be acting like you're the victim and he's the problem" doesn't sound right when you read OP's other posts where she says she feels her husband essentially treats like a hole for sex.

I'm not sure if you read OP's other posts before making a harsh and unhelpful comment like that, but she said: " I don't feel like he even likes me, apart from providing a hole. He doesn't even care it's me. It's just because I'm there."

Don’t continue suffering, and don’t allow your children to suffer. He’s revealed himself as he really is.

Plenty of women are sexually coercive too. And it’s every bit as wrong.

You are where you are and nothing will change unless you make it happen or he meets someone else.

Do you want to try and make this better? If so, talk to him and have a mature conversation.

If not file for divorce.

Time to make a decision or stop complaining. But think about what example you are both setting your children.

@maggh

You say 'let him be the one to leave if he's so unsatisfied'. But the truth is, men like 'home comfort', even above sex. They like a nice clean house, hot food, clean clothes, and the children tended. All by somebody else so all they have to do is make a token effort to 'contribute' to family life, like cutting the grass or changing a damned light bulb (such heroes they are!). You provide all the home comforts and he sees no need to give that up. For what? A flat somewhere that he has to clean, food he has to cook (or pay money for), laundry he has to do, and children he'll have to watch on his own during 'his time'. And chances are, not a whole lot more frequent sex than he has now. And it'd be sex he'd have to 'go after' and possibly invest time and money in (ie dating). So chances are he'll never leave. Or if he does, it'll be because he has some other woman all lined up. And only you know if he has the 'energy' for an affair or would even leave then. Some men are real good at leading double lives.

No, as I see it, if you want the marriage to end you'll have to be the one to do it. And why shouldn't you? What's the point of you living in misery just so you can hopefully someday say "He ended it, not me!". How foolish is that? When with some effort, time, and yes some stress and unhappiness for a while, you can be free. Picture your own little home, calm and peaceful, with you and the children. Your rules, your schedule, and peaceful nights of sleep without being pestered.

See a counselor (as previously suggested) to work out what YOU really want. But I'll tell you what I really wouldn't want if I were you, and that's the next 20, 30, or 40 years living the way you're living now. Life is too short for that.

The relationship sounds totally done I’m afraid OP. You both really resent one another. He sounds like a total fun sponge & you would probably have more fun with the kids without him. It doesn’t sound like this is going to get any better.

Well jog on OP …..if you want to lie in your made bed then do it

The thing is, I'm past giving explanations why
I feel certain way/counselling to "enjoy sex".
Just past it.
That said, you are right.

@maggh I don’t know what happened between you and your husband , when you first met you must of loved the bones off him to stay together and get married and have kids , what changed ? Did it change after having kids ? What was he like before kids ? Was he happy and jolly and positive back in the day ? Why did he have kids if he doesn’t want to be involved with them ? And you said you have 2 kids ? Did he change after the second baby or the first ? If it’s the first then why did you create another baby with a man knowing he’s so selfish and crap parent ?

I agree with @MissUltraViolet . Just read back all your posts OP and you may see it's pretty dreadful,not just his coercive and entitled attitude to sex but everything about him. You haven't listed a single good thing about him except he's handsome. I don't really think that's enough, is it?

Well this is pretty awful. I'm not surprised you don't want sex with someone who appears to dislike you, your children and your life together.
You could try having a "make or break" chat. Point out to him that he makes life very difficult for you by his constant unhappiness and disengagement and you're willing to put effort in if he does.
If he's really that unhappy, then he should go.

Respectfully, why do you want to save this marriage?

He sounds awful. It sounds like you can't even stand each other. Don't stay together because of Catholicism and children. I get the feeling you might be Irish (I may be wrong), I know there's still a stigma over divorce, but it's not as bad as it used to be. I'm Northern Irish, I got divorced, my mum was devastated, but she got over it, although this was 20yrs ago! I know several others who have divorced in more recent years and honestly, no one bats an eyelid now.

Your children will pick up on the toxicity between you as they grow and it will be deeply unpleasant for them to grow up in that household.

I do understand that you don't want to give up on a marriage so easily, but really, from reading your comments, it sounds beyond saving. I also tore myself in shreds over ending my first marriage, my mother tried to convince me to put up with his physical abuse, but I just couldn't stand being near him any longer, so ended it. I've never regretted it.

My second marriage has had it's ups and downs, we've worked through everything and are solid. We were sexless for a time, but my husband was supportive while I worked through my MH. That's how a husband should behave. I know with my current husband we could work through most things, but honestly with my last husband, no way, he was awful.

Wake up OP!

You're miserable, he is and eventually your kids will pick up on this shit, if they haven't already.

Ducks in row time now. This isn't a marriage it's misery and that is not normal!

Sounds like you'd be both be happier without each other. Reading through your updates quite clearly shows you're unhappy and deep down dislike your DH. I think you both need to have a serious talk before one of you starts looking for affection outside of the marriage. I assume you don't work when you say you do all the house work and your DH brings in the big paycheque? Do you think you'd both be happier with opening up the relationship? Something needs to change by sounds of it.

They stopped existing when marital rape was made illegal 🙄

It's not just the sex though , he sounds like a miserable grumpy uninvolved twat.
Your life with him sounds awful.
Was he like this before you had kids ?
I couldn't carry on with this marriage.