DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

You will get to that stage if things carry on as they are. Years of resentment and unfairness will build into hate. He's draining the life out of you, and he's being a shit husband and father. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He knows damn well that his behaviour is making you unhappy and he refuses to do anything about it; rather he continues to compound the behaviour.

I'm not sure you do love him, more that you feel co-dependent on him. You have a lot of history and it's hard to walk away from that.

@maggh

You say you love him and I don't doubt you. But what you don't seem to realize are two things:

1-Love is not enough. You can love someone to distraction but that doesn't mean that they are right for you or that the relationship is a healthy one. When those things are true, you need to end the relationship regardless of the love you may feel at that time. You will end up a happier person in the end, and so will he.

2-Based on what you say about his upbringing, he is not capable of love. Or at least not a healthy and unselfish love. A healthy and unselfish love knows that it takes compromise and unselfishness. And healthy and unselfish love doesn't put oneself above the other, nor does it put the other above oneself. It means that you are equal partners in your life together.

DH and I have been married over 35 years. There have been good times and bad times. There have been times we've been frustrated and even angry with each other. But there has always been equality and communication with each other. There has always been compromise, made with love.

Can you say that? No? Then you are not in a healthy and good marriage. But I think you already know that. Don't sacrifice yourself. If you were to leave him tomorrow, trust me, he'll bounce back quickly.

The irony of you telling the OP that other people’s advice is awful whilst suggesting that a visit to the relationship pages of Love Honey will solve all her issues.

Read the thread properly. She wants to get counselling but her husband has said no. Love Honey will not fix this situation, no matter what relationship advice it hands out.

It shows that you've never used it.
There are of course sections about the toys and stuff, but there is also a relationships section where people do regularly receive very wise advice on very personal , deep, issues from a community which really does seem to care, unlike the nest of vipers on this particular thread who all seem to be looking for a bit of sport hating on a man rather than trying to help!

Even by MN standards this thread plumbs a bit of a new low IMO.

Again @Godnotthisagain, how is LoveHoney going to make this man spend time with his kids? With his family? You think a few anal beads or whatever is going to make him suddenly give a fuck about spending his weekend taking his kids out?

Don't be utterly ridiculous. Counselling is a potentially solid solution as it will either help them mend their relationship or decide to end it, but OPs husband has said he won’t go. This is not about sex! Sex is a symptom of a bigger issue. Love Honey is not going to fix this.

We have. The only positives things I think I've seen you write about him is that he's handsome, you love him and it would make you upset to see him upset. But you have listed A LOT about what you dislike about him.

I'm not really sure what you're expecting from this thread.

@Godnotthisagain Have you read the whole thread? Lovehoney isn’t going to make this man spend time with his kids, is it? Actually read the whole thread before you comment, or at least all of OPs comments. Her problems are bigger than just Friday night sex.

What is his schedule?

And sorry, but unless he is working 24/7, I don’t agree. I have horrific insomnia. I’m exhausted constantly, I also work. I don’t neglect my son. My husband works long hours and is sometimes stressed, he doesn’t neglect his son.

It’s having kids. Yes you make time for each other to have a break, but you don’t get to opt out of spending time with your kids unless the circumstances are exceptional.

And frankly, if he’s got the energy for sex, he’s got the energy to dick around in a swimming pool with kids.

It all sounds like excuses and he has gaslit you into think it’s okay.

Well. I retract my earlier post. You clearly actively hate him, there's no relationship to salvage.

the only thing that will affect them is the negative vibe and moods around the adults , that’s for sure

....

Kids don't stay small forever.
5 becomes 10 becomes 16

They will pick up on things, guarantee it

Go well OP.
The next 10 years are going to be hell.

How exactly can she get the kids out of this situation if she stays with this man ? What kick them out ? Obv kids stay where the mum stays . And how will a toddler and a 4 year old could possibly know happens behind the bedroom door , lol , they won’t . So it won’t affect them at all in that way , the only thing that will affect them is the negative vibe and moods around the adults , that’s for sure .

Also, my husband has been mega stressed. He has been insanely busy at work, exhausted, worried about his health, stressed. And he has still looked after his DC when he’s been home, cooked, and never once demanded sex from me.

All those things you listed are not excuses to treat you badly or neglect his kids. Other men do it. He can too. He is choosing not to because h doesn’t value his family.

But he doesn’t care about seeing you upset, does he? Otherwise he wouldn’t treat you like shit.

Of course you love him, and of course you worry about how he would feel if you split. This is because you are a human being who feels empathy towards other humans.

He, however, does not feel the same way about you. Don't think that you need to find the right form of words to explain to him how this situation makes you feel, trust me HE KNOWS. He just doesn't care.

Even if you suggested separation he would suddenly start to pitch in more, he would make the effort to give you the affection that you need, everything would be light and airy... for about 3 weeks.

That's the kicker, he KNOWS what is making you unhappy and he KNOWS what he can do to address it, he just chooses not to. That took me a long time to accept because what kind of person treats the person that they supposedly love like that.

If you're going to stay with this man and allow him to have sex without your enthusiastic consent, get.your kids out the situation at least.

They will grow up seeing the examples you set.
.boys thinking girls should fuck them even if they don't want to and girls thinking they have to fuck men when they don't want too.

These are not examples they should be exposed too.

And if I sound harsh and it's a shock that I'm pointing that out... Good, shock might be enought make you think about the situation the kids are living in.