DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

As you mentioned both being Catholic I would suggest a novena to St Rita. She is a great help for marriages.
For a lot of men sex is a way to feel close to their wife. Is this the case for your DH. Have you asked him?
It’s also maybe worth thinking about maybe there are some hormonal issues going on- that you don’t feel desire. But you do find your DH handsome. Or is it that you are just knackend and need a break?
Sex for Catholic couples is really important- the act of intercourse is a source of grace in the marriage. And it should ideally be good sex!
I hope you can both find a way forward.

I think you need to go to therapy. Ideally together and definitely on your own.

But honestly you cannot expect someone to be happy and remain in a sexless marriage.

Either the relationship will end, he will cheat or you open the relationship up. Something needs to change though.

That's a very immature, unhelpful and untrue comment.

Go to counselling by yourself as this is not normal.

You don't want a divorce and your husband isn't willing make any changes by the sounds of it so you start getting to the bottom of what you're going to do.

His smoking is a red herring regarding your sexual desire. It is a symptom of the wider disregard he has for you and your family.

Sexual coercion is unacceptable, it's not an act of love, it's rape.

The relationship sounds over because he has given you the ick with his coercive control and sulking.
It gives you insight into his true nature. It would put anyone off sex.

A decent man would respect your wishes, treat you well, talk about your feelings and his own without the need for sulk.This in turn may leave you in the mood for intimacy.

You can’t change an entitled man. Especially one who smokes to punish you ! Furthermore you can’t talk rationally with someone like that because he sees his needs as more important than yours. You will always be made to feel at fault.

its good you’re able to speak so clearly about how you feel, here. I can understand someone sulking, which is how you’re description sounds, isn’t terribly attractive, nor is, from what you have written, what sounds like the negative energy, permeating the weekends, which can’t be fun. Sex, touch, sensuality is an important part of our lives, in whatever way we want that to be expressed - it doesn’t have to involve or conclude in intercourse. A few questions that maybe interesting to ask yourself: what do you want to change, specifically, and how can you discuss this with your partner? how are you feeling in your relationship, generally? Do you feel connected, can you laugh, flirt, cuddle, be intimate together generally? Do you have fun togther, alone, without east of family? How are you feeling generally? My view is, we all get on each others nerves and it’s perfectly normal to despise and want to kill out other halves from time to time - I think! Sex doesn’t have to be the be all and end all, but it is for some people extremely important, and lack of sex can trigger feelings of lack of desire, connection, love. I’d see if your partner and you can sit down and have a bit of a chat, choose a time that feels right for you, when you’re not tired etc, when you both aren’t hungry too. This conversation may take a few run ups/ try’s to get under the skin of what you both are feeling, needing. Good luck and I hope you’re able to talk this out.

why does he get to say no to counselling? Tell him it’s happening else marriage is over

@TheTartfulLodger sex is not trivial. When you marry, BOTH parties make vows. He's broken his. He's not treating her with love and respect. So the woman should just grin and bear it while the man gets to be an arsehole?

Nah. Life's too short. Life is worth so so much more than that.

Seperate. What is the point of this relationship?
He shouldn't have to live in a sexless monogamous relationship. You shouldn't have to live with some bloke having a strop about sex when you don't want to or be pressured into it . You clearly don't like him that much and he's probably bad in bed otherwise you'd want to have sex sometimes and I can tell from this post he thinks sex is about his dick and not about your pleasure.

Call it a day. You'll be a lot happier.

How are OP and her husband working on their marriage? Through terrible communication and mutual resentment they’ve been watching it die in front of them.

It doesn’t sound like you have up periods though, if you went off it after the first year. Just downs? Yes it’s normal to go off sex. It’s also normal to want sex. He’s an absolute arsehole for behaving like a pathetic man child when he doesn’t get sex. You need to be honest with him that you don’t see sex as an important part of your relationship. Then you can both make a decision as to how to proceed.
I wouldn’t be willing to live the rest of my life without sex.

That's not good enough, it isn't the answer they want to hear on MN. They want you to despise him and hate him. They want you to leave him because he's a rapist and a terrible father. It's the drama you see. They thrive on it here.

Of course he doesn't want to go to counselling, he doesn't want to be held accountable for his sulking and coercive behaviour, he just wants you to give in, lay back and think of England.

He doesn't care if you enjoy sex he wants to use your body for his own pleasure.

He shows you no consideration through his behavioir and actions, THAT is why you don't want sex, he isn't even treating you like a human being, you don't feel safe enough to have sex with him.

Having sex with a man who expects sex on Fridays and sulks if it doesn’t happen is not intimacy.

Why would anyone want sex with someone like that? Doesn’t mean we don’t long for intimacy. Don’t confuse duty sex with intimacy.

There's absolutely no excuse for his behaviour. But neither of you are communicating well to each other. TBH if you went off sex after a year into the relationship you really should not have gotten married. Being trapped in a sexless marriage is horrible.

There's no excuse for his behaviour but you will need to address the whole situation together before it turns even more toxic.

I thought you were talking about a 16-30 year marriage. You’re better off without this man. You’ve still time to find the right guy.

Not just with him, just sex in general, I find it so disgusting

I 100% guarantee you it's him. You just can't see it yet as you've forgotten what it feels like to be appreciated and respected.

If you spent too long on here you'd think so yes. All anyone seems to do is egg people on to end marriages over the most trivial reasons. Nobody works on marriage anymore. They all just walk away apparently. I think they must view marriage as a party to have a few times a year just to walk away straight afterwards and not something to be worked on. No til death do us part around here..

Your view, and your partner's view, of sex is odd to me. I'm way, way past the inclination. But, as I remember it, sex was a mutual enjoyment type of thing.

not a transactional thing. As in "I'll give you sex, you give me a good natured weekend".

just the thought of "giving" someone sex, seems all kinds of wrong.

Oh, and I don't think everyone over a certain age should be disinterested in sex, just that I am.

Oh grim. He is raping you
You grit your teeth ?
Christ- Monday ask for advice from womens aid they are brilliant
Can you imagine years and years of this?

I'm sad you have to live like this. Did he grump around today? Ifyou were my friend I'd tell you to get him on a countdown. Once more and that's the end,

Rapist.

@Ilovebees really? You think coercing someone into sex is the way to do it? Rather than be affectionate and respectful, communicate and be patient? Sex for women is as much emotional as physical. I need to feel loved, respected and appreciated. Threats, resentment and silent treatment would make my vagina firmly shut down.