DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

OP, you are both young and this marriage is over.
You can limp along until the toxicity drives you to finally end it.
You don't want sex with him.
He is a moody emotionally abusive grump as a result.
Shit atmosphere for your children to grow up in.
The toxicity will seep into them
Give some serious thought to how splitting up would look.
Take your time, but give it serious consideration.

Or perhaps this is a vicious circle where the more he sulks and pesters for sex the more OP is turned off. I know I would be. Nothing attractive about a whining sex pest.

He’s a rapist, so that would probably be the first point to address in counselling.

I simply do not get the concept of 'giving him sex'....... it's just so transactional and sad.

I'm quite old and have been with my husband for nearly 50 years. FIFTY. And we still enjoy having sex. Not as frequently as in years gone by, but about once a week. And it's always very enjoyable and satisfying.

@maggh - it seems you are way past the point of no return. You could potentially rekindle the lust if you were truly invested...... but you aren't. So you could split up now, or in 5 years time, in 10 years time, 20........ or grow old and miserable together.

You only have ONE life...

Please don't do what some people are suggesting here and schedule sex with your DH, it will make it worse. Scheduling can only work if you still have good communication and emotional intimacy but are just having trouble making the time. But it sounds like the communication and emotional closeness are lacking right now because he's just piling on the pressure for sex and turning it into coercive emotional blackmail, leaving you feeling used. Ideally he needs to back off for a while and take sex off the agenda so you can both work on finding a way to be attracted to each other again.

Coercing someone into sex isn’t really a trivial reason to divorce though. Thank fuck divorce isn’t seen as taboo nowadays and people don’t have to stay in awful marriages if they don’t want to!

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. It’s just that your sex drives are incompatible. You need less sex to be happy. He needs more sex to be happy. You do need to think about whether this is sustainable.

How he expresses himself through moods and sulking is unacceptable and you shouldn’t feel forced into sex to make him happy.

He could choose to stop coercing you into sex you don't want.

Of course you don't want to have sex with a grumpy bastard who doesn't respect you! He's like too many men - they just don't understand that if they were actually pleasant and loving to be around, your libido might not have shut up shop. I'd get rid if you can. You will just be stuck in this situation, and it won't ever go anywhere because he won't listen to you, while putting all of the blame on you.

Sounds like we have a resentful man here 🤣🤣

Ugh Friday night sex. God at the end of the week thankfully we were both too knackered by work and children.

some like sex more than others. I'm 76 and miss it still. Couples need to talk and be honest. Don't get married if you can't communicate.😥

Common sense prevails, phew!

I’m gonna get utterly flamed here but here goes- it’s a very difficult position and whilst yes I agree with all the posters that say you can’t be forced/coerced/blackmailed into sex there is dh feelings too. You aren’t fussed about sex, he is, he would like sex and he would like it with you. If he was to cheat he would be labelled a total pig and you would I assume be devastated. So is is consigned to none because you won’t and cheating is the wrong thing? Do you want to stay married? If tables were turned posters would say it’s not fair he’s not satisfying you! Can you compromise on every other Friday? I too have two under 5 so tiredness is real!

Your body has shut down, because it’s experiencing SA as a result of being coerced. “Consent” when coerced, isn’t consent.

Tell him quite bluntly to emotionally put pressure on you as far as I’m concerned is a form of abuse. Who wants sex just because you feel like you have to so your not treading on egg shells during the weekend. You need a sit down conversation at the table and get him to view it from an outside perspective he might then be shocked about his own behaviour. Aka tell him to imagine him being you, or anyone in a marriage who is made to feel like they must have sex even if they don’t want to otherwise you get treated like shit. Even better if you have a daughter ask him how he would feel if a future husband treated her like that, what advice would he give her?

Hi I just read this response from you. You sound very clear - you want a full life, you’re trying to do things, lead an interesting life and he from what you have read does t sound interested. In turn, he sounds like he’s craving exploration, sexually and that’s where his imagination, desire may be focused. But right now, you are both not on the same page and are experiencing frustration, resentment and dissatisfaction with each other. Definately find time to talk to each other and possibly guided counseling may help- however, if you do take the counseling route I’d advise do a lot of research into the kinds of counselling, the Counsellor themselves - and feel free to stop and switch counselors. Relationship counseling is very very hard to be good at - it’s hard managing two people’s emotions and you need a very skilled, experienced therapist. Both your and his desires are allowed to exist - I really hope you’re able to talk together, good luck again.

Nothing as sexy as a sulky man.

point out to him he’s a massive turn off when he moans.

It’s not for OP,alone, to fix.
It’s very much to do with his behaviour too.

Being pressured into sex is very much a turn off.
He needs to improve and look after OP more.

This is coercive control and I am happy to be corrected but I don't believe this is something that can be "fixed".

I'm sorry for you that your life and sex life have been reduced to this to the point that you would be happy never having sex again.

He is not a good person.

What would you tell your daughter to do?