Bad hosting or normal

Whenever I host a meal I lead with the meal. It’s ready or almost ready when guests arrive. Drink in hand while guests wait for items to come out of oven etc. I started doing as married young mother after being a guest at a few shit shows. (Bbq and food was in the FREEZER still). We eat visit and linger over table or move to outside etc. those that have to leave do so and others can stay have seconds or another drink Every family has some schedule and I’m happy to share a meal and get a little
catch up certainly not hold hostage while waiting for promised meal. It would have been awkward to leave without meal and I do think they were inexperienced thoughtless hosts. Hosting makes you better at hosting. You know now to plan differently

fix that, start leaving!

1.30 is not brunch.

I'd have missed breakfast on the assumption this was a proper brunch and been ready to eat my own arm by 1.30

And what did you eat? Was it a brunch type affair with smoked salmon and eggs or was it actually lunch?

1.30 for brunch is ridiculous that’s too late for lunch for me personally obviously others differ.
What time did you end up leaving?

My uncle does this, invites you for lunch at 12 and then feeds you at 3pm by which time you are ravenous. I always thought it was because he was disorganised, but after a conversation with him it turns out it is deliberate, he serves the food late because he wants people to stay a long time. I find this to be terrible manners, holding your hungry guests hostage because you want to ensure their company for as long as possible.

yanbu. If I was invited for brunch I would expect to eat mid morning. It sounds as though you and your friends have different ideas on parenting....so now you know you can act accordingly.

1.30 is lunch! I would expect that if someone's only free for brunch they've got something else on later than day and I'd definitely have made plans myself on that basis. That's some weird hosting there.

OP, we moved away from family and friends to enable a life change. We made two promises to ourselves, one was that we accepted we would have to make more of an effort to maintain contact, given that we had moved away. The other was that when we hosted, we would be the best hosts possible.

Your friends are failing on both (admittedly arbitrary) counts; if they absolutely insist on hosting, then the least they can do is to be considerate and flexible. In your shoes, I’d be unhappy and certainly reconsidering future visits.

Distance really can throw friendships and other relationships into sharp focus, and with the best will in the world, some will falter, and some will fail altogether.

I think that if you genuinely expected an invitation for brunch at 11 to have involved you being done and on the road home by 1.30, then you need to communicate better when you accept an invitation. Eg ‘We’d love to, but we would need to be leaving again at 1.15 at the latest. Does that suit you? Otherwise let’s do it another time.’

And bring food for your toddler.

It's your friends not a cafe If you wanted lunch and to be out by a certain time you could have suggested meeting out. It was an invitation (as said by mn) not a summons.

How can 1.30 possibly be brunch?! That's lunch, regardless of what food you serve. Anything after noon is lunch!

If if been invited for brunch I'd have gone without breakfast, so 1:30 before I got fed would not have gone well.

Exactly. if invited for brunch with an arrival time of 11 I would expect to see food by 11:30.

I wouldn't have planned to leave brunch at 1pm, unless I'd specifically told the hosts that what I needed to do. I don't think I've ever been to a social thing at someone's home and only stayed 2 hours.

If if been invited for brunch I'd have gone without breakfast, so 1:30 before I got fed would not have gone well.

I think you are being precious about naps, but it's odd to say they couldn't do lunch when they had all day. Something must have gone wrong with their plan? Did you get "brunch" food?

TBH these situations always puzzle me because I can't imagine being invited to someone's home and yet being uncomfortable asking these things or telling them what we need.

It's difficult with people's timings and trying to confirm plans without being rude. I'd have not made definite plans if I was going over to theirs in that I wouldn't have booked somewhere for dinner or booked a softplay for example. Instead if you had finished earlier or later than expected I would have just played it by ear.

I don't think they were necessarily inconsiderate it's just that their timings don't align with yours. Lunch at mine is usually between 12.30-1pm whereas at my mil's it is more like 3-4pm. We have young kids who are in bed by 8pm and up at 7.30am though hence our meal timings. As they get older and go to bed later I suspect that will change.

Yabu If I'd invited people around who live an hour away for a meal I wouldn't expect them to have made other plans and for them to be rushing off

I suppose it's not bad hosting as such, but it would definitely annoy me. Serving food at 1.30pm is lunch not brunch. I guess some people don't really pay attention to times whilst others do. Where were you planning for your toddler to nap? It can be quite stressful being tied to naps, especially if others don't have the same schedule.

Deffo need to know the timings of when you were invited for and when the meal was served.

Have they got kids?

What time did you end up having the brunch?

How long was there between the brunch and your afternoon plans? Did you not ask your friends for a rough "finishing time" before booking something else?