To think I threw away a perfectly good relationship

You still talk every day because it suit him to keep dangling the carrot to keep you around.

Who else will financially support him and listen to his self obsessed twaddle ?

He's deliberately 'breadcrumbing' you to keep you from actually moving on, because that wouldn't suit HIM.

You absolutely need a clean break from him, because that's what you need.
You don't have many fertile years left. Please don't waste them on a man that you already know neither respects nor agrees with your life plans/ desires/needs.

You're saying you could have waiting for him another year, but you could have waiting five years and he may still be in the same position and you would still be wanting children.

I agree, it doesn't sound like you want the same things and you're lucky that you got out while you're still young enough to find someone who will commit to you fully.

I say that as a mum to an autistic boy. I hope he finds someone who loves him and wants the same things in life. I suspect anyone who does will have to give up a lot of herself or himself.

He doesn't sound like a bad person and he may well have loved you but it sounds like you'd have had to do so much carrying here I don't get how you'd be able to do it without resentment. You're only human and he isn't going to change at nearly 30.

Absolutely agree with this

He does want these things just not with you. Stop lowering your standards and being a door mat. Decide what you want and stick to it. Don’t look for breadcrumbs from someone who clearly can’t give you what you want.

He is a total dead weight and you are well rid of him. I would cut contact and give yourself time to move on. Honestly sounds like you have dodged a bullet here.

Have you considered therapy to work on your poor self esteem so you can understand that you deserve better than this? This was a bad relationship OP, you ended it for a valid reason, you are worthy of being treated as an equal partner, not a mummy replacement.

If you'd stayed he'd have continued to be unsure and hemmed and hawwed for years. If he wasn't sure after 4 years he was never going to be.

If you were both in your early 20s and still getting to know yourselves as people, then maybe you might have made a mistake.

the truth is that mature individuals don’t need years and years to decide to make a commitment. If you were the one, he would be desperate to marry you. You absolutely could be practical about planning your children, but you would
be talking about how to make it happen and working toward that goal.

what he was doing was future faking. Saying that maybe someday you would have the kind of relationship where you fully commit and build a family. He can string you along, getting to stay in a comfortable relationship until he finds something better. His biological clock doesn’t tick the same way yours does. He may not have been doing it intentionally, but he was still doing it.

Honey, seriously. Give this up. Take a tip from someone who was hell bent on marrying someone not suitable and who didn't (deep down) want to commit to me. You've got him under your skin but after a while of seperation that will fade, it really will, and you will start to see what a terrible mistake it would be. I wish I'd given my younger self this advice.

' I just wish I'd stayed and maybe things could be different. He deserves better. Honestly I am really sorry for what I did and I am broken over it.'

No OP, you're simply missing the 'rose tinted' version of him that you wanted to have.

The REAL him did not love you. He did not want the same things that you did.

He openly admitted to being scared to grow up and become an adult by saying that marriage would be 'the end of his youth' ffs !

He isn't now, and wasn't then ever interested in getting married and having a family !

You need to stop hoping that somehow he'll 'come to his senses or realize what he lost' etc, because he's already shown you 'who he is' by messing you about and pretending to 'get engaged', then changing his bloody mind again ! Several times.

It's time you started believe his ACTIONS.

Next time look for men who are self sufficient and dont need to be parented. Youll be less frustrated.

He didn't want to marry you. He wasnt not sure, he just didn't want to
He's unemployed, you were supporting him financially when you couldn't

You absolutely did the right thing, don't waste more years of your life with this man.

He has autism and ADHD and isn't in steady employment - what exactly does that look like - does he ever work? You've basically been supporting him. He also doesn't know whether he wants to be with you or not, erring more on the side of not bothered by the seems of it.

It's not his fault and it's not your fault. He doesn't want to commit and that's fair enough. You can't make him and you shouldn't even try because you will live to regret it.

You're clinging on to something that doesn't exist. It's so easy to think you're in love especially if your biological clock is ticking. You've just got used to him being in your life - his humour, his habits, his smile. It's hard to let go, I really do understand but he isn't in love with you and he values his freedom. Walk away.

He doesn't deserve better. You've paid his rent, patiently listened to his self-indulgent twaddle for 4 years, and he still "isn't sure". Honestly, he has treated you badly.

It doesn't matter what his reasons are for not wanting responsibility and commitment. However "good" his reasons are doesn't matter. You want to move forwards in life and he doesn't. If he doesn't want this after 4 years, he won't change his mind.

It's really important that you value yourself. Wanting to get married and have kids in your 30s is a really really normal thing to want. Don't let him make out that you are rushing.

He didn't want commitment and you are experiencing regret. It doesn't mean that you made the wrong choice but you are ruminating. This is very common for cognitively divergent people and I am wondering if you may be a little bit?

Yabu. Stop talking to him. He isnt interested in you as a marriage prospect. He is unemployed and thinks marriage is life ending. He isnt ready for marriage and likely wont be until you are well past the point of having children.

I don't think it sounds like a great relationship tbf. He sounds very unsure and it doesn't sound like he has gained any clarity or is desperate to get back together. If you got back together, thinking all you want is to be with him, how long would it be before your own feelings about commitment resurfaced? Or would you just suppress them forever and let him have the relationship he wants?

It's really hard if you are a woman approaching your mid 30s. Do you stay and hope for the best, or leave and hope you can find what you want with someone else? I've been there and it was a very painful and confusing time. There's rarely a clear cut right or wrong answer, but for what it's worth I think you've done the "right" thing for you.

It might not be a bad idea to cut contact.

OP you've dodged a bullet !

Having already supported him financially and emotionally, he STILL couldn't 'commit' to even saying that he could see himself with you in 5 years ffs, never mind 'forever more, or forsaking all others' !

He was simply a cocklodger, nothing more.

He was happy to use you for his 'supporting act', but had zero desire to even pretend to love you !