To think I threw away a perfectly good relationship

Holy shit OP you have dodged a massive bullet. Do you really want to spend your life bankrolling a man who doesn’t love you because you don’t cook from scratch enough!!
And I can imagine why his family are disappointed. No one else is going to take on this loser.

I thought so too and then I wondered whether this is a genuine post because, the more that is being revealed by the OP, the harder it is to believe that anyone would find themselves in a dilemma over this.

I just can't imagine what you think a bad relationship is if you think a man you have to support because he can't stay employed and has been stringing you along for years is "perfectly good". It was never going to turn out any better and you should cut contact with this loser and look for somebody decent. There is no point in being in constant contact with some dopey ex and his family (who at least have enough sense not to drag out the agony with you). My husband proposed within the year, we chose the ring together and he went through a religious ceremony because it was important to me. He agreed to have children because it was important for me. I did earn more but he always paid his half of the joint expenses and he has been a great dad. He has always been strong during difficult times.

Yeah. And he might not have been 'ready' in another decade when you were 43 and had thrown away your child bearing chances.

Move on. Stop agonising about him, he was a time waster. And no great catch if you are honest! ADHD, Autism, MH issues, 'not sure about you' and no steady job. That's not Mr Right.

As long as you are still mooning through rose coloured spectacles at this one - who is never going to be the husband you want - you are missing out on life. You've done the difficult bit by ending the relationship and you've wasted enough of your life on someone who was wrong for you. Now get out there and start living. It's your own time you are wasting (as teachers used to tell you)

You 100% did the right thing. He did not have to have a job to tell you he wanted to be with you forever. He would have squandered your child bearing years, it doesn't sound like he was that into you as he let it go - when you left he could have begged you to come back. He didn't.

His mother and sister don't have to be your friend if you have broken up. Hold your head up and get on with your life knowing you made the right choice. You deserve better that someone who can't commit after close to 4 years.

You haven't made a mistake, I think the problem you have is that you're in constant contact and it won't help you move forward.
He won't commit or give you what you need that's everything you need to know.

You've wasted enough time don't waste anymore, life's too short.

Fucking hell, he sounds like an absolute crumpet.

From reading your initial post, it wasn’t a “perfectly good relationship” at all, as you were doing far too much compromising, and you seemed to have far more to offer than he did. I hope you meet someone who’ll be a proper “partner” to you, and you’ll realise that you had a lucky escape from this “relationship” .
Don’t waste any more time thinking “what if” or wondering if you’ve made a mistake. Onwards and upwards!

Edited to add-you are hoping to have a family. From your description of him, he would be worse than useless as a parent. You’d probably be left doing absolutely everything.

OP you are not really responding to the comments on here. 100 percent of them are adamant that you made the right decision by ending the relationship. Stop carrying on posting on here just wallowing in regret. You did the right thing! What do you think about that? What are your plans for accepting you did the right thing, and moving on?

Bloody Nora.

Stop beating yourself up over a selfish, emotionally stunted, immature prick who brought absolutely nothing to the table. Are you really that desperate?

Cut absolutely ALL contact. He doesn’t want you. And you don’t want him. Look for someone who wants the things you want, someone you don’t have to be a parent to.

You can have a baby by yourself if you wanted to.

He will be the same in 5 years. He will be the same in 10 years. He’d rather let you go than marry you ahead of whatever his supposed schedule is — that isn’t someone who is in it til death do you part.

Sounds like you where a surrogate mum. Find someone more suitable and cut contact.

If a man wanted to. He would. Why waste another 2 years to wait and see?

Don’t waste any more of your 30s on an unemployed man who criticises you for not cooking enough and is luke warm about your relationship.

Seriously he sounds like a complete wet blanket.

Put him out of your head and get on with finding the next one.

I haven't checked your history but I'm pretty sure you, or someone under very similar circumstances, has posted about this relationship at least twice before. And you were almost unanimously encouraged to end it as he just wasn't that into you from the sounds of it. For the love of God, cut your ties and MOVE ON.

I’ll probably get flamed for saying this, but this is like an alcoholic asking whether they should have another drink. Obviously the answer is no, but we can’t stop you. You’ve got to want to have a new life for yourself, not anybody else.

This was not a perfectly good relationship. Do you really want a man to mother forever

Haha - seriously?

Yes, you are throwing away a perfectly good relationship - the one with yourself and the one in the future you’ll never have if you stay with this waste of space.

Oh, and by the way, if you go back to him he’ll know that he can get away with literally anything and there’s no reason for him to ever behave in any different way.

But in the end, if you’re still in the place where you think you would go back to him even after all of the things he’s done (and hasn’t done!) and all of the things we’re saying, then we can’t stop you.

OP, was he the one who told you his mum and sister are angry with you? Frankly, I will take that with a pinch of salt.
I would also be wondering what lies did he tell them to make them angry if they are indeed.
Do they know you support him currently?

I think it’s really clear that he was not the one for you OP. Well done for taking that brave and very difficult step of leaving when you did. Now you’ve given yourself a great chance of meeting someone who is very sure about you, and having a chance to have kids with him etc.. I suspect if you had stayed with your ex he would have just dithered away for years and years . You did the right thing! Now try to emotionally detach from him and get yourself into the headspace where you can be open to meeting somebody new. Someone who actually deserves you!

He sounds like a complete commitment phobe.
If he doesn't want to get engaged after 4 years why on earth would you think he would after 5 or 6?
You'd have been waiting forever.

It's nothing to do with rushing things or societal pressures or his neurodiversity. He wasn't sufficiently into you. He wasn't and isn't exactly a catch whereas you are. You deserve better than being someone's 'just in case' option. You need to cut contact and raise your expectations of a partner.

Of course they’re annoyed- they probably breathed a sigh of relief when you took on the responsibility of looking after him. I’m another one who thinks that you will find someone who cares about you and will be only too glad to take on marriage and a family. Good luck.

I haven't read the whole thread, just the first half but wow, it's good you pressed pause.

You didn't blow the relationship, you gave him time to see what he wanted and could manage.

Honestly, if you are the higher earner you probably can't afford to have a child with him. The pressure on you to hold things together financially while also being pregnant then having a new born would have been immense. He can't look after himself let alone help you with a child.

And to be very blunt- if he can't decide whether he wants you and a child, you would be almost taking advantage of his vulnerability to push it. That's not fair.

I'm married to someone with autism, it's been tough. And he earns well.

Good grief OP !

He had the bloody cheek to say that you weren't giving him full disclosure on money when it's you that pays the bloody bills for HIM ! 😡

And that you don't bloody skivvy around his every damn whim about bloody cooking from scratch ! 😡

He'd have had a size 5 boot right up his selfish, self serving, ignorant bloody arse from almost ALL women ! (Even the 1050's women expected a wedding and for their men to work and provide the money before they'd have dreamt of providing a man with the 'comforts' your ex expects !!!)