of just under 4 years, and I have to live with my mistake now. It's a lesson learned anyway, I'll try to be a little more patient next time.
I'm 33, and my ex partner is 29, a few months off 30. I left before Christmas as he was reluctant about any sort of commitment and he didn't seem to be 100% sure about me, which hurt.
I just wish I'd waited longer and not given into societal pressures, or panicked about my age as I do still have time.
I believe he did love me, he had autism and ADHD and hadn't been in steady employment for a while as well as suffering with his mental health, so I did whatever I could to support him.
I had previously brought up the subject a year ago, and he wasn't ready. I brought it up again 6 months later, admittedly I was starting to get frustrated. lived with him for 3 years.
I've no interest whatsoever in an expensive ring or wedding, I was more than happy with a registry office. my parents offered to pay for a reception which was very nice of him but the point was that even with these things mentioned, he wasn't interested.
I wasn't saying we had to get married immediately, but I wanted to know if it could come in the next couple of years.
I explained that ideally I'd like to have a child in the next couple of years because of my age, but looking back, I have longer than expected.
I couldn't get a firm answer on any of the above, he kept changing his mind about wanting to get engaged, about 3 or 4 times. it was clear he wasn't ready.
He said it was so final, none of his friends were married and it was like the end of his youth.
He felt he wasn't in a stable financial situation which I do understand, particularly re the children, but it doesn't have to cost anything to be engaged and we could've sorted a small wedding.
ok I thought, maybe I can wait a bit longer. I asked him if I was the one for him and he said he thought so? didn't say yeah of course.
I asked him if he could see himself with me in a few years and he couldn't answer it.
I left. I just went to my parents for a bit to get some space, thinking we might work things out. it wasn't a this is over forever, I just told him there's no point coming back right away as nothing could change.
He didn't seem surprised and told me he wants the above but is scared of responsibility. I did express a lot of remorse to him back in January and say that I still wanted to sort things out. I asked him if he wanted me to come back and he said he couldn't answer it.
so I did try to sort things out fairly soon after. he said he thinks he's put me in a difficult position, I told him I wasn't blaming him at all and he was entitled to not want these things.
we've actually been in touch constantly and are on great terms, just feel like I threw something great away. I should've been more patient and just given it at least another year or two, but it's too late. With hindsight, I'd rather just be with him, the rest doesn't matter.
Does it sound like I was an idiot? also, because of his job situation I paid more of the rent, which put a strain on because I couldn't afford it. However I have a better paid job now and I hoped it would change things.
I'm still supporting him with stuff. breaks seem to work for some but not for me, apparently his Mum and sister hate me, which hurts because I thought we got on really well.
I was an idiot who panicked and compared myself to others.