To think I threw away a perfectly good relationship

What miracle would happen in a few years time that would have made him ready? Look, the only mistake you are making is not moving on properly and that means cutting contact.

You miss the person you want him to be and the future you wanted to have him, sadly that didn’t match with the person he is. Ultimately, that made him the wrong person for you. You are doing your future self a disservice by faffing about and not moving forward.

I'm pretty sure I remember your original post - you were very unhappy about all of the issues & were definitely more like his carer than his equal life partner. You agonised before you ended it - now just cut the ties & move on!

OP, please wake up! Everyone’s telling you. Don’t let him keep you dangling for years more, till it really is too late for you to have a baby.

Yes cut contact - it's never a good idea to be in constant contact with an ex (unless you have to be) anyway.

I understand drastic cutting him off is scary so do it gradually.
People who say this is unfair don't take into account that it's OK to do this if the person who is being faded out is toxic.

Sounds like you threw away a shit relationship actually. Lucky escape.

how about the fact that he hurt you? I think you are so used to making excuses for him, you can't see how shit this relationship is

trust me a a few months down the line, you will ask yourself how you managed to stay in such an awful situation for so long.

It does sound as though you're massively overthinking this, and maybe a slight case of rose-tinted glasses.

You can't flog a dead horse and the relationship had more than run its course by the sound of it. For the love of God, please stop subsidising him still. Stop all contact, block him if needs be: it's very unhealthy to still be in constant contact and ultimately it's only doing you harm.

Time to draw a line and move on.

Don't get pregnant by him.

A close friend fell in love with a guy who was still living at home with mum in his 30s (not bad in and if itself but coupled with his long-term unemployment, and zero goals and ambitions, a real loser).

Naturally he couldn't be in that situation forever so he moved in with my friend -with whom he'd been in a 'label' less situationship - when mummy had enough of this overgrown man child.
Really fucking convenient how his sudden desire to be in a relationship with my friend coincided with mummy chucking out.
There's much more to this but it really would be outing to go into finer details.

She got pregnant by him. She won in the short term but soon realised that he wasn't into her but needed him as he wasn't totally useless with the child.
When the child became old enough, she got rid of him.
He had one job he managed to hold for two months in the fifteen or so years they were together before becoming too stressed about having to travel 20 miles for a meeting!
(The shame she felt when paying for groceries with ten people behind her in the queue and the card bounced and having to crawl to his mother for cash will not leave her.)

She admitted to me the pregnancy was no accident.

Bottom line trying to 'catch' a man like him doesn't work out.
You just become bitter, angry and resentful. Just like my friend.

You're best off cutting contact. If you can't do this suddenly do so gradually and slow fade him out.
Speak every two days, then 4 etc eventually down to nothing or very infrequent contact and this is key, all the while getting out and meeting new people.
Slow fading gets a bad rap but in situations like this I feel it's justifiable.

So things haven’t moved on since the last time you posted about this. Or the time before that. Or the time before that. Of course you are absolutely free to post as many times as you want but RTFT you are getting the same answers again from people. Which means the advice is clearly not getting through to you because you’re back again. I think you need professional counselling to help you come to terms with this relationship ending, otherwise you are going to suddenly look up one day and realise years have passed with you dwelling on him while he has moved on.

Sorry @youreeyeswithoutaface were literally a meal ticket!
His family are angry as his easy ride has been taken away and maybe now they are having to support him more.

What about you ? You need to walk away and think about making you happy instead of sacrificing yourself and dreams and giving up a lot of your needs for some man who doesn’t really give a damn.

You and any future child deserve more.

After that amount of time he would have known one way or another so he was just wasting your time which is cruel. You made the right decision.

Cant see where the relationship was heading, it had stagnated and the way ahead was not obvious. You have made the right decision, draw a line under it and move on.

OP I was in a similar situation years ago. I'm actually ashamed of having stayed that long in a dead-end relationship with such a tosser so I won't tell details 😁. Oh and I was a year older than you are when I left. So anyway, 8-9 months after I left I met a wonderful guy who adores me. He wanted to commit and he did, we started trying for a baby 18 months after we got together (even though he was 27 y. o. at that time) and we are now also married with a child.
You made the right choice breaking up with him. Your current feelings are the denial/bargaining stage of grief for that relationship, and panic about your age/ biological clock.

Focus on moving on. You deserve so much better than him.

Sometimes love isn't enough and this is definitely one of those times.

You may love him and miss him but that doesn't necessarily mean he's the right partner for you. He's telling you honestly that he's not ready for such a commitment and in fact is just struggling with adulting. He's not ready to share the load as a partner and even less so a parent.

He may also struggle to perceive a future. Some people can't.

I think you need to create room in your life for someone new and the family you are seeking. Let him go.

Put a baby in the mix.

Please raise your standards. You were a convenience to this loser, not the love of his life. You'd be better off going it alone than staying with someone who sponges off you and shows zero commitment even after 4 years.

You get back together and he still won't commit, so how long do you go along with what he wants and subjugate your own wants and needs?

Stop contact and get on with your life.

You left for a reason. The reason hasn't changed you're just talking yourself out of it.
Put this behind you, it's done now.
Focus on getting what you really want and not learning to live with what someone else really wants.

He is a man child who won’t hold down a job, commit & is using his mum/sister to make you feel crap.
honestly if you had a child with him you would be raising the child & him.

YABU
It was the right decision.
Stop messaging him and move on.

You seem to be blaming yourself, try and stop. This guy was no prince!

You definitely made the right choice! 100%! Time to block, delete and move on!

Surely the fact that people think it might be a wind-up post tells you something. There is literally nothing in all your posts that make it sound like a good relationship. You need to stop with all the contact or you will never move on from wallowing in some fantasy nostalgia. I’m sorry OP

You'd been a couple for almost four years, lived together for three of those years, and despite all that he couldn't bring himself to make any level of commitment to you.

You did NOT throw away "a perfectly good relationship". You stepped back from an unfulfilling relationship where you were, frankly, being used. All your posts are screaming 'poor self-esteem' at me, for you to have persisted trying to make this relationship work for so long. THAT is what you have to work on - your view of yourself. How did it come to this, that you value yourself so little?

"I'm still supporting him with stuff."
You need to knock that on the head. It's keeping you emotionally attached to a wholly unsuitable man. Detach, free yourself up to engage emotionally with someone else.

I’m ND and admittedly coasted in relationships and didn’t commit to anyone for twenty years. I regretfully had long relationships and even a marriage where I was just going along with things. I wasn’t committed emotionally and knew they had shortish shelf life but it was just easier to go with it.
I met my DH and committed in every way, I know it’s hard to hear but in reality I just hadn’t met anyone who made me want to fully commit in a real way not just on paper, living together within nine months, talking marriage and house purchasing within the year with a clear plan and timeline for those things to happen, we both saw our future together and made it happen.
This isn’t the one for you, you deserve someone who is all in with you, a proper team, mutual support , equality and where you find everything is just nicer and better being together.