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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a serious shopping addiction?

30 replies

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 16:09

I have a serious shopping addiction. It sounds trivial to some, but for me, it’s become a major part of my life—perhaps too major. I find shopping to be more enjoyable than almost anything else. Whether I’m happy or sad, I turn to shopping. When I’m happy, I buy things to celebrate. When I’m sad, I shop to cheer myself up. This cycle has led to some financial strain and put me in debt at times, though it's usually manageable.

I’m aware of the issue, and my husband is understandably fed up with it. He’s supportive but frustrated, and I can’t blame him. Despite knowing it’s a problem, shopping remains one of the few things that genuinely makes me happy. I also struggle with depression, and this makes it even harder to break away from my shopping habits.

I’m at a loss for how to tackle this. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you manage to get it under control? Any tips or strategies that helped you would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your advice and for reading this.

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WappityWabbit · 22/06/2024 20:39

How many items of clothing still have the labels attached?

It sounds like an addiction because you're trying to change how you feel whenever you give into it and go and buy something.

Initially, you'll feel high but shortly afterwards, you'll likely feel disgust with yourself.

I think the only way to cure it is to go cold turkey for at least a month and try and find other ways to resolve your sad feelings.

Instead of buying clothes, maybe learn to sew instead?

I used to waste money on pointless labels years ago when I was a high earner but then lost my job and couldn't afford to continue and I stopped clothes shopping completely. I now buy stuff only when I need it and from the cheaper end of the high street.

Brexile · 22/06/2024 19:26

Maybe a blog which focuses on your journey towards recovery from a shopping addiction would be safer (although probably less fun).

Obeseandashamed · 22/06/2024 18:41

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:43

I've also considered setting up a fashion social media page to at least be less bored and also give others something useful from my habit. I have so many nice items it would maybe be a good way to share them with others and feel less bad. But my husband thinks it's embarrassing and not a good look as it's materialistic and I'm in a corporate role where people would recognise me

I don't recommend doing this at all!!! I say this as somebody who has experience of similar habits and doing this will likely make the habit worse as you're constantly trying to create new content or buy more to keep up with the online presence.

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 18:39

@keeptryinggirl 39

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postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 18:39

@Coppercup that's the funny thing I don't even really have enough places to go in them!

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soupfiend · 22/06/2024 18:24

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 18:03

@soupfiend DH gets annoyed because it means I sometimes run out of money to do things around the house or go on more holidays

Yes, so it is impacting negatively that way

Is there a way to have a shopping pot? And just stick to that?

Im a shopper myself, I would call it my hobby, its harmless as I can afford it at the moment and just like buying things.

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 18:24

how old are you?

Coppercup · 22/06/2024 18:22

£2k in two days! Ooft. Where are you wearing these clothes?

PrueRamsay · 22/06/2024 18:15

Basically you need a new hobby to obsess over and give you the high.

Do you have any interests aside from fashion?

Could you sell some of the stuff you have bought and recoup some money that way? Do you regularly go through everything you own? I would imagine that would be sobering.

Or maybe see GP and see if your medication needs adjusting?

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 18:09

@unsync boredom sometimes. Complete boredom and also a love for fashion

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unsync · 22/06/2024 18:08

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:44

@TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking if doesn't add to the stress because I can afford it but it does make me very short lived happy. I don't feel I have much other happiness so it's the one thing keeps drawing me in

It's the short term high and thrill, but then you come down to earth with a bump and feel bad, so you start the cycle all over again. Do you know what it is that makes you seek the high? If not, that might be where you need to start.

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 18:03

@soupfiend DH gets annoyed because it means I sometimes run out of money to do things around the house or go on more holidays

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soupfiend · 22/06/2024 17:47

If you can afford it and there isnt a storage problem, is it a problem?

What would be the difference in what you're doing and someone who goes out for a run twice a day (as long as its not harming them)?

'Addictions' if thats what it is, are only a problem if the behaviour starts to interfere with your functioning and life in a negative way.

You cite your husband is getting frustrated with it but in what way, is it because you're not focusing on other things and only shopping?

postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:44

@TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking if doesn't add to the stress because I can afford it but it does make me very short lived happy. I don't feel I have much other happiness so it's the one thing keeps drawing me in

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postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:44

@keeptryinggirl everything you listed except children - we can't have them which probably is adding to the addiction

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postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:43

I've also considered setting up a fashion social media page to at least be less bored and also give others something useful from my habit. I have so many nice items it would maybe be a good way to share them with others and feel less bad. But my husband thinks it's embarrassing and not a good look as it's materialistic and I'm in a corporate role where people would recognise me

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postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:41

@IamMoodyBlue I definately need to cut up the credit card. I never ever have them as this always happens then I got one recently for a balance transfer and have ended up using it stupidly

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postingfortrafficabout · 22/06/2024 17:41

unsync · 22/06/2024 17:08

What are you doing to sort out your depression? I had a shopping habit when I was clinically depressed. Once I was no longer married and my depression was cured, I no longer felt the compulsion to shop. If I go shopping now, it is for something that I have thought about for a long time and is a considered, rather than impulsive purchase.

Anti depressants and they've generally helped and I definately shop much less but I feel terrible as I've just had a big blow out and spent 2k in two days 🥴

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Greenlittecat · 22/06/2024 17:23

StormingNorman · 22/06/2024 17:14

This reminds me of ‘fantasy shopping’. I fill up my basket, look at all my stuff and then remove it again. It reminds me that I just want to shop and don’t really want the actual stuff all that much.

Ha snap!

Greenlittecat · 22/06/2024 17:22

I'm very similar! During the night feed with my baby I'm always shopping. What I've started doing is just not buying it, or looking on websites i can't afford (harrods etc) and adding everything to my basket but obviously not buying.

It passes the time and stops me from buying yet more stuff for the house!

StormingNorman · 22/06/2024 17:14

Brexile · 22/06/2024 17:05

Also, if you're reasonably computer literate, maybe you could use Canva or something to make a collage of all the stuff you want to buy, instead of buying it. Maybe that would be enough to give you the sensation of playing with new purchases, without the spending.

I tried to do this, but I'm so crap with computers it takes me all day to do what other people can do in 30 seconds, so I gave up.

This reminds me of ‘fantasy shopping’. I fill up my basket, look at all my stuff and then remove it again. It reminds me that I just want to shop and don’t really want the actual stuff all that much.

StormingNorman · 22/06/2024 17:12

I think it is an addiction. You get a little ‘high’ from the transaction.

I try to spend my time doing other things to get the high. Sport is a good one…but then I want to shop all the kit 😂

I don’t have any answers but I hear you.

unsync · 22/06/2024 17:08

What are you doing to sort out your depression? I had a shopping habit when I was clinically depressed. Once I was no longer married and my depression was cured, I no longer felt the compulsion to shop. If I go shopping now, it is for something that I have thought about for a long time and is a considered, rather than impulsive purchase.

Brexile · 22/06/2024 17:05

Also, if you're reasonably computer literate, maybe you could use Canva or something to make a collage of all the stuff you want to buy, instead of buying it. Maybe that would be enough to give you the sensation of playing with new purchases, without the spending.

I tried to do this, but I'm so crap with computers it takes me all day to do what other people can do in 30 seconds, so I gave up.

Brexile · 22/06/2024 17:01

YABU of course, but I've been there myself. Maybe you need an ambitious medium term financial goal which is incompatible with spending all your money on stuff you don't need. For me, it was saving up to buy a house.

Have you ever read the Mr Money Mustache blog? It really makes the case for how thrift can make your life better. I'm making it sound obnoxious but he's actually a very entertaining writer. Try this:

https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/

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