When's right for family to visit newborn?

You are absolutely allowed to take some for yourselves.

Ignore everyone who tells you they had all grandparents in first day, other peoples choices and experiences are irrelevant. The point is everyone gets to decide what is right for them.

YANBU

I agree if the DW genuinely isn’t up for any visitors because feeling especially ill or traumatised but this is the exception rather than the norm. Most new mothers are well enough to be sitting up in bed and well enough to receive a short visit the day after the birth. We always visited immediate family members new babies in hospital within a day or 2. I can’t see what is undignified for the mother unless they are barging in before she’s even had chance to shower and get into a clean bed after the birth. Why would it be undignified for her? Surely if at home can just pop to the bedroom to feed baby or in hospital the DH can suggest popping out for coffee if baby needs feeding. Of course it’s hugely different to visiting a 1 day old baby compared to a one month old, they change hugely in that time
I do think new parents who have this kind of attitude seem to be sending a message that they want there to be that distance between the new family unit and the rest of the family and can’t blame family for taking that message to heart and getting a bit upset about it. Absolutely if a new mother is spewing up, an emotional wreck or in a lot of pain then family would usually understand but otherwise the parents do come across as a bit up themselves

I couldn't wait for our family and friends to meet the baby!!

My mum was there when dd was born, dad and my aunt and uncle came in the afternoon and inlaws popped in that evening.

Everyone was very excited and nobody stayed too long! We had a lot of visitors in the first week and loved it! They all brought food, made tea and washed up.

But everyone is different!

There’s no right answer here but if my ds ever has a child and stopped me even popping in for an hour I think I would be desperately upset. And I’m absolutely not angsting over him having children, it’s years away, but I’m sure he would be so happy he would want me to meet his child asap.

I’m a grandmother, I have two sons. I’ve seen all my grandchildren on the day they were born. One DIL said she didn’t want any visitors while in hospital which we would have respected but she changed her mind. ☺️
If I had been asked to wait until day 3 I would have been disappointed but equally I would have sucked it up and kept shtum.
Please try to understand that your parents are so full of joy at having a grandchild that it is painful to have to wait to meet her and that they are coming from a place of love. They have been a bit naughty but I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive them.

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It really depends on what mum.wants. That may vary massively depending on how the delivery went, hormones etc. It also depends on the type of people the grandparents are. Some will pop in for half an hour (or however long is required), potetially be helpful and not overwhelm. Others will descend for hours and not pick up on the signals that the baby or parents have had enough. They may also expect to be looked after rather than help. It's just so personal. My MIL actually came to stay when I left hospital after one of my children was born. I felt secure as I knew she was sensible and wouldn't overwhelm me. She just took care of us and didn't insist on taking the baby. She just did everything else so I could concentrate on caring for my baby and toddler. It was a very lovely time that she wpuld.never have got if she had been the pushy type.

Good to see a man standing up to his mother in this situation.

However, I echo PP queries about maternal grandparents visiting…

My hospital had restrictions on visitors when I gave birth last year. Only 2 visitors during visiting hour. I only wanted my parents to visit as it was a difficult labour. MIL was angry but she cared about seeing the baby, not how I was.

I think it wouldn't have hurt to let them call in for half an hour before now. But what's done is done now, you say they are coming tomorrow.
They are desperate to meet her because they already love her so much. How much you adore your new baby is just the same as how much your mum and dad adore you, and her!
Parents get so protective around this, but try to remember she is not just your daughter, she is also a granddaughter, she might be a niece, a cousin, she will grow to have friends. Let all of the people who love her have the chance to bond. You'll (and she will) be glad of that as she grows up.
You can still have plenty of time in a bubble after the visitors leave.

Congratulations! Unlike other posters I don’t think it’s at all “precious” or “self absorbed” to want a few days to yourself with a new baby after 9 whole months of waiting to meet them. I think 3 days is completely reasonable, i’ve heard of people wanting months to themselves! It really depends when mum is ready considering she has had go to go through labour/c section, is bleeding, sore and perhaps trying to breastfeed etc. Controversial but I also think it’s completely fine if mum wants her own mum there sooner after birth, mine helped me shower afterwards but I wouldn’t have asked my MIL to do the same!

With my first I had a few days stay in hospital, so some visitors came there, stopped at my gran’s on the way home from hospital and also had visitors when I arrived home. With subsequent children most visitors came the day I arrived home or the following morning, depending on what time I was released. Had youngest on a Saturday evening and had to do school run on Monday as DH was working so saw half the village within 36 hours.

Whenever your wife and you feel comfortable to have anybody visit will be the right time. Life changes so much with the homecoming of your first child, and there's a steep learning curve re feeding the baby and all steps of baby care. Only have visitors who will be supportive/helpful...will they sweep/do laundry/cook/clean up a bit to facilitate your time with baby? Or bring the baby out for a walk if that's what YOU want, so you and your wife can rest? If they expect to be waited on, with parents of newborn expected to bring tea/food etc for visitors, don't bother having them over.

My in-laws had some really OTT moments when our first DC (their first grandchild) was an infant but things have really settled over time. Trying to shout over a screaming baby to tell us some distant acquaintance of theirs wished us congratulations, or when they heard baby crying in the background, demanding reassurance for them that the baby was alright. It was not what we needed when figuring out the early days with baby!

Congratulations on the birth of your little one.

See them when you're ready and not when other people say you should.

Grandparents the day all mine were born, in hospital. They came for 10 mins, had a cuddle and went. Then nearly every eveving after that for about 30mins. Didn't mind. If I was asleep or needed to go to bed etc dh had the baby with Grandparents.

People get so entitled over newborns.

Child birth and the first couple of weeks are so hard. You do whatever is best for you, no one else’s opinions or wants matter.

I absolutely understand why your DW might not be up for company so soon after giving birth. It makes no difference if visitors have to wait 1 day, 1 week or 1 month. The mother’s wishes are ALWAYS the priority.

You as the parents get to decide, but with DC1 the baby's grandparents on both sides came to visit in the hospital. With DC2 my mum was looking after DC1 so was at our house when we arrived home. In laws came the next morning. My own grandparents came the day after we got home from hospital both times. I really don't see the point of denying immediate family from meeting their grandchild, these are the people who will be helping you (presumably) raise your family and the more loving family members a baby has the better in my opinion!

It's never just an hour though. I didn't want any visitors at the hospital by my grandparents ( I was raised by them, I don't see my parents) were insistent they came, well my Nan was but my Grandad was really respectful and kept out of it.
I relented in the end as I was so fed up of her childish messages. They stayed at the hospital for 4 hours and as soon as I was home the " can we come tomorrow " messages started. I explained because I'd been in hospital almost a week the second week was just for DC, DP and I. Again I got so fed up of the " you are being unfair " messages I said fine. They stayed for a whole afternoon and I'm glad DP was there to be host as I was so overwhelmed. Even when DV slept they wouldn't leave to give us space.

I would expect grandparents would be visiting almost straight away, usually day after the birth. Not for a prolonged visit obviously but popping in for half an hour if they live close by. Day 3 isn’t unreasonable though but can understand their frustration if uncertainty as to when they could come and visit. Yes of course other friends and family generally don’t mind waiting longer as understand people don’t want to be swamped. I wouldn’t expect people to bring their children to visit for a few weeks what with infection risk (and just draining). Seems a bit precious not letting grandparents visit within first few days

It’s not the same with maternal grandparents. It’s as much about the mum and her recovery and feeling safe. Your own mum seeing you vulnerable and with no dignity is one thing. But in laws?
Yes it sucks for mothers of sons and paternal grandparents. I get that. But the recovery and mental wellbeing of the mother really must be a priority here. If grandparents push too much early on it will affect the mums confidence in leaving a baby with them.

In was pushed to have loads of paternal visitors on the day after baby was born. And it was too much too early and I am still now ten years later extremely resentful that I wasn’t prioritised during this time. My parents were very respectful. And didn’t push and as a result I’m more confident in them respecting my boundaries.

It’s completely understandable that the grandparents here feel disappointed. And lovely that they can’t wait to meet their grandchild. But this isn’t their baby and it’s not about them. They’ve had their turn.

I've never really understood why new parents get precious about first born baby bubble newborn time - I do have children by the way - and both sets of grandparents met their grandchild hours after my c section whilst I was in hospital. No issue with that.

The "newborn bubble" thing is quite a new concept which is why they're struggling to understand. I can see why you don't want overnight visitors, but as they're only 20 mins away I can't see the harm in letting them pop in for an hour. My parents met my first baby in the hospital soon after birth! It's your decision though OP.

That is absolutely fine. I told no one to come for the first week with my second born because when I had my first it was a nightmare. People coming at different times of the day. So could not catch up on sleep. Plus MIL turned up the day after I got home with my first and didn't move her arse off my couch and I had to make her food and drinks. Second time round it took her 3 weeks to come and see my DD as she obviously had her nose put out that I didn't want to see anyone for the first week.

I don’t understand restricting close family from seeing the baby, they must be so excited and desperate to meet her. I understand wanting to settle in as a new little family together, but letting parents pop in for an hour for a cup of tea and a cuddle is not a big deal.

What does your wife want?

There's no right or wrong. Both sets of grandparents (as well as mine and DH's siblings and my brother's wife) met DS within hours. My DPs came back the next day as well. My ILs the following day and my brother the next day. I didn't feel the need to be in a bubble and enjoyed getting back to a normal life. But other people are very different and that's their prerogative too.