When's right for family to visit newborn?

Respectfully, you sound incredibly entitled there and completely inconsiderate of your dils recent experience .it's not up to you to decide when you you see your grandchild, and it's incredibly rude to dismiss the DIL's feelings. It might all be fine, but it might not. And it's not an insult, it's often just needing a bit of space there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

‘having close family visit after going through all that is even more appreciated’

But that is not how the OP’s DW feels. They don’t want to have visitors for the first few days and that’s ok.

Sometimes people let everyone know beforehand to establish boundaries and avoid disappointment. This seems quite sensible and does not remotely make someone ‘up themselves’.

FWIW I came home a few hours after giving birth and had a take away with my PIL because they had been looking after our dog, and later our DD. However, I also exclusively breastfeed my babies and I was in a permanent state of undress in the first few weeks, so having to get dressed and make conversation with visitors was exhausting.

I think some people ought to remember that the baby can still feel like an extension of the mother’s body and not everyone will be comfortable passing them around like a doll, not to mention the lack of immunity in a baby so young. It’s pretty normal for new parents to feel overly protective; it’s a basic instinct.

I think it has to be about mums recovery. Personally I would not have felt comfortable receiving visitors in my nightwear or in bed apart from maybe my own parents.

Given that it's not even been a week I think your parents are being ridiculous.

Completely agree, there really shouldn’t be any expectations on the new mother (the father shouldn’t have any difficulty in making everyone cups of tea however!) it really should just be a quick visit at a convenient time for the parents and non close family should be happy to wait a couple of weeks. Definitely no unflattering comments or photos either!!

I bet your Dad can though, I bet he was beaming !
As previously mentioned, this new born bubble stuff is a relatively recent thing. I can’t imagine being told I can’t see my new grandchild for a few days, thankfully neither my son or daughter would do this to me. Also I am self aware enough not to overstay my welcome

I suspect you knew that.

Congratulations 💐 This is the scenario where no one else's opinion matters. You have to do what feels right for you. Some posters will have had their extended family round the second they got home, which is fine because it felt right for them.

When my long wanted IVF baby was born (after several miscarriages) we saw MIL on day 4, my mum and sister on day 5, then my dad just after that. No one felt that was too long or begrudged us that time together. I was recovering from c section, learning to breastfeed, and we were getting used to having a baby after everything.

I think visiting people underestimate how much they are still visitors and put a pressure on new parents. Visitors want photos - and new parents want to look relatively ok on them and the house not to be a tip. Visitors want tea etc. some times they comment on how to do this and that . And in most cases it’s all fine . But very often new mum is physically exhausted and just want to be in her bed. Or breastfeeding is not established yet and you want to focus on it without comments. Or grandparents live 3 hours away so their assumption is that if you’ve done such a long distance you should stay for 3 days and then of course they have to wait as 3 days is a big ask.
So in a way there are no strict rules, it depends a lot on personalities, relationships, amount of space, difficulties involved. I would say as soon as possible but just to say hello , unless new parents are asking otherwise.

Your baby your rules. What does mum want. I agree with the bubble as it’s your baby not anyone else’s. I get grandparents want to see the baby but they forget they didn’t give birth so don’t get a say. The first week or so after having a baby are the worst you don’t want a stampede of visitors while you are trying to bond with the baby and relax.

I totally agree that birth and having a new baby is a huge experience and I’m a total advocate of a few weeks for the mother to rest and recover etc. However having given birth several times myself and talked to friends about their experiences plus cared for many new mothers, having close family visit after going through all that is even more appreciated, a bit like seeing your family at the end of running a marathon. If there is a difficult relationship then can understand they may be last people you want to see. Obviously no one wants a long visit as you want to enjoy the visit but then feel free to go back and rest etc and personally I absolutely wouldn’t want people to bring their children along, expect riveting conversation, entertaining, dinner or prolonged holding of baby.
I exclusively breastfeed all my babies for several years and didn’t feel the need to sit through the early days in a state of constant skin to skin undress. Hormones, yes but as long as everyone gentle and kind they wasn’t an issue. Of course bleeding (usually wearing some quite heavy duty maternity and breast pads) sore and hobbling (visitors should expect that) If the DW genuinely feels unable to see the parents in law then fair enough but where couples have made thus decision before the birth then they do tend to be the sort that are up themselves

Of course you didn't have to.

You're in your own home, you can refuse to make food or drink for anyone you like. Besides, where was dad in this?

Same.

You've had a baby, not welcomed the son of god.

I don't understand the 'we need to recover' - aside from probably tiredness, it's only your wife that needs to recover surely?

The newborn phase is tiresome and a shock to the system. But that'll be the same in a week from now, so I don't see the harm in letting them come round for an hour. Give them an hour, tell them that when baby cries he / she goes back to mum and that's that.
Be assertive by all means and don't let anyone take the piss, but equally, you don't need to make grandparents 'wait'. What are they waiting for?

I'm all for waiting until home from hospital / next days. But the 'newborn bubble' is just a bit cringe for me.

The right answer is whatever your wife wants. She’s the one who has given birth.

Fwiw, I'd be more on your side of the fence. I had my daughter at approx 11pm and walked a very short distance home with her at approx 7pm the next evening. I was definitely not up for visitors. I had to get my head together before seeing anyone else. And my undercarriage was in ribbons! Sometimes you just need a bit of space, it's a completely life changing event after all.

The concept of not allowing close family (particularly grandparents) to visit soon afterwards is a very modern thing. I've read on Mumsnet of new mums who won't let anyone in the house for at least a fortnight and who get quite hysterical about it. It really would be quite alien to many older (I don't even mean old) people.

I really do understand that neither of you want them to spend hours and hours at your place but you could make this clear from the start. Invite them round for a cup of tea and then make noises about your wife being exhausted (which is true).

Ultimately it's your home, your baby and your rules but you don't really want to start off on the wrong foot with grandparents who can be an absolute lifeline at times.

It is a very diverse topic! People's opinions are always going to be split on it, it also depends on relationships with the grandparents.

Hopefully everyone remembers there's a chance they'll be grandparents one day, so just do what you'd be happy with done to you. And if that's a few days, a month, immediately, then so be it.

I would argue that most births are traumatising to some extent. The mother will still look pregnant, be bleeding, sore, bruised, potentially have stitches, exhausted, hormonally all over the place, trying to establish breastfeeding and having skin to skin contact so mostly in a state of undress. That is undignified, particularly when infront of non blood relatives.

Another person’s desire to see a ‘smaller’ baby is a bit ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if the baby is different/ older/ bigger.

Congratulations! Your baby, your decision.

Gransnet is full of entitled women who think they are as important as the new parents, causing all sorts of grief for the families .
Start as you mean to go on.

I was rather like that.

I wanted the company, support and assurance of normality and the continued existence of the outside world that visitors could offer.

Precious and self-absorbed, imo.

Our families and friends were welcome as soon as our babies were born. We wouldn’t have dreamt of keeping excited grandparents away.

Newborn bubble? In my family visitors are welcomed as soon as baby is home. I think you’re both being a bit precious tbh

I didn't set any restrictions on who could visit or when. In fact, I found myself very quickly actually craving adult company so I was happy to have visitors.

My parents lived over three hours away when I had my first baby and I was only in hospital for one night. It meant they saw DD when she was two days old. DH's parents were at their apartment in Majorca so even further to come and they had to go out and book flights. So it took them a few days longer.

Do whatever is right for you, but don't keep them out for too long. For the record, them visiting when baby is three days old is certainly not restricting them for too long. We are all different though.

They sound very excited and eager. I'd accept that and when they visit I'd also accept any help they are able and willing to offer.

YANBU, do what's best for you and your wife, take the time you need. As for your wife, this next week may be really hard for her, her hormones will be all over the place, added with lack of sleep etc. I think day 5 for me with our second I was an absolute wreck and turned down meeting family, I honestly couldnt face it.
Enjoy your time as a family, look after each other and stick to your guns. Congratulations btw 😀

I agree with others who have said it's the mum's choice. Depends entirely on how she's feeling. I don't think mothers are truly given time and space to recover from birth. If you've had a traumatic birth, zero sleep, raging hormones and struggling to establish feeding then adding visitors to the mix is stressful. On the other hand, if you're feeling well, rested and excited to introduce your baby you'll be glad of well-wishers. It can go either way in those early days.