When's right for family to visit newborn?

Gosh, your partner was in labour 3 days ago and she's now navigating breastfeeding and sleep deprivation as well as soreness etc.

3 days to host visitors is awful. Try 3 months.

That's reasonable for other cultures too. Japanese is 40 days, Asia is similar. Unless they're aiming to come round cook etc.

Fair enough!

It is a new thing, and it is understandable that grandparents don't 'get it'.
In the past some grandparents used to be at the hospital waiting for the birth, and they and other relatives would have been stunned to hear they couldn't see the newborn for days.
I am not saying this new tradition of keeping 'a bubble' is wrong for you but it is hard for older relatives to understand.

But we don't know what the OPs wife has said do we (haven't read the whole thread). As pp said day 3 can be when new mum gets a hormone overload and won't want any visitor. I hope when DD2s baby arrives soon I will be welcomed to meeting my new grandchild sooner rather than later but obv I will go with her choice.
Incidentally how do you know if a grandparent has a long life left? I'm already 76 so time is against me!

If my parents had been so close I wouldn’t have minded them popping round for a limited time (eg an hour) in the hospital or when we were home, they actually visited at a similar time to yours.

Yours are out of order but they’re probably just desperately excited, I’d try to let the whole thing blow over - this is a new chapter of your lives and you’ll need them (assuming a good relationship usually).

There doesn't seem to be a suggestion that the wife thinks differently. Why does 24 hours in what will hopefully be a long my life if the baby make the blindest bit of differnce?

Day three is the worst for hormones going max, would HIGHLY recommend waiting to day five if you can x

My dad and dhs mum visited the next morning in hospital for an hour. We had to stay in 3 nights as dd was early so when we left drove straight to dhs grandma where his mum and stepdad where. Visited friends across the road straight after.
That way everyone who needed to see dd had, and they then voluntarily left it a week before visiting without us saying anything.

We spoke about it and both my son and my daughter- it’s both of them- said we could visit straight away, and I know not to stay for hours .
Didn’t explain myself very well !

I don't think I it's divisive as such, just that there's no right or wrong answer and you should do you. It doesn't matter what any other couple did, you wouldn't change your mind based on a random sample of posters who happen to reply to this thread would you?

I would have a word for warning though, your mother sounds overbearing, you could be in for a years of conflict between her and your wife if that hasn't happened already

That’s just silly . I wouldn’t over step but I also know they want me there. Because they said so. Doesn’t mean I’ll stay for ages, they’re just excited to show me their new baby.

Fair enough but the grandparents have the right to feel as they have also and if they end up being closer to the son/daughters family who haven’t behaved like this them that’s up to them too.

Crikey I'm probably in the minority here but you have plenty of time in your new parent bubble when you take your baby home! I'm a grandparent and DD1 wanted me to meet her two babies within 48 hours not three days. Think YABVU asking your DP to wait so long to meet their first grandchild.

A few days is fine. Any longer might cause upset. My in laws were very demanding. They visited the hospital before I left the room where I gave birth. It was too much for me. Unlike my mother, who was there for me (also a retired midwife!) they were there for themselves. The baby didn’t need them and I didn’t need them. However, once we were home, I was fine to have them round. They were still too demanding though. They wanted to visit every week. They insisted on holding the baby throughout each visit. They accused me of arranging for my newborn to be asleep then they visited so they could ‘play’. They expected to have the baby overnight from 3 weeks old…. I breastfed on demand (as does everyone in my family) so they never happened. Their behaviour was so demanding that they alienated themselves. It was worse than that actually. While I was pregnant, my mother in law told her colleagues she was pregnant (at almost 60)! As soon as each child could walk and talk she lost interest. She’s seriously unhinged. But we learnt after the first that no one gets invited to the hospital and we will invite them soon after we get home. You have already done that. Your parents probably aren’t batshit crazy, so be kind. Make them feel included. Have them sooner rather than later and invite them back a fortnight after that.

This absolutely, I think if it were a case of being worried about boundaries this could have been easily handled, the mother could retire to the bedroom after half an hour with the baby. The father could suggest taking grandparents on a walk etc. If the DW couldn’t handle a short visit, again could of been easily explained by the father that she’s very tired, in a lot of pain, send lots of pictures, maybe FaceTime with the baby and please can we see how she is tomorrow.
Just ‘ we want to be in our own little bubble for x number of days’ does sound a bit pathetic and self centred

I'm not a fan of the if you don't give us want we want as grandparents then it's all your fault if we aren't close to your baby attitude.

Nobody needs to ‘explain’ their choices regarding their baby to anyone, not even to the grandparents.

Yes, I do agree with this. It is up to the new mum to decide when she is ready to see people. Grandparents should not kick off if they have to wait a few days.

It’s up to the woman who’s birthed a baby when she’s ready for visitors really. Is she bleeding/sore/anxious/tired/worried/learning to BF? If she wants rest, let her rest. Everything else can wait.

Nonsense

Just read the many MANY threads of women who didn't set boundaries, who had to suffer through the visit of unwanted In-Laws instead of recovering in peace when they were at their most fragile time and who really struggled because of all this nonsense.

It is a bad start indeed when grand-parents decide the birth is all about them, not about the woman who has just gone through it!

Yes I do totally agree that people shouldn’t necessarily expect to hold the baby (especially with my first I felt obligated to let everyone hold the baby while also feeling very uncomfortable about it) and I’m very nervous about people bringing infections to the new baby too. Agree long visits too can be exhausting and end up interfering with establishing feeding as you then feel twice as worse when your up all that night but haven’t had the opportunity to rest in the day or baby has slept longer than usual during the day rather than feed due to all the holding and humdrum of chatter. I’m very much just talking about grandparents popping in for half an hour to just see the baby, congratulate the parents etc.
I think sadly this new trend has come about due to a sledgehammer with a nut approach to visitors who haven’t behaved appropriately. I do think expectant new parents who jump on this trend without much consideration (just because they’ve been told in some class it’s a good idea) are too up themselves to realise the message it gives out when most people are happy to share that joy with their closest family. If however the DW has just been knocked for 6 and can’t bare even a short visit then absolutely fair enough but think DH should explain that reason to his parents

We had visitors the day after birth, but u don’t see why 3 days space is too much, if that’s what you want.

Word of warning: make it clear to your parents that when they do come there must be no comments about having had to wait. That will not go down well with your DW and it’s your job to speak to your parents about this.

This.

So I agree YABU.

I can see, that, in theory, of course the parents "have the right" to not allow grandparents to pop in for an hour, but know it will cause hurt and that you have now set the bar for making things difficult, going forwards.

But not self aware enough to realise that the birth of your grandchild isn’t about you… 😂

completely irrelevant.

Seeing your mum and a virtual stranger, even a MIL, are 2 different scenarios.

People having a strop because they can't cuddle a newborn can only mean they have no respect for boundaries and are a pain in the arse.

right for family to visit newborn? when the MOTHER - the one who has gone through physical labour and is dealing with all the physical and mental issues - is ready.

OP you sound lovely and caring to respect that. Meeting a newborn at 3 days is VERY early, they should be very grateful.