When's right for family to visit newborn?

People are so precious about stuff these days. "Bubble" 😁

Just let them come and visit. They've had babies, they know what it's like. They won't stay long.

And btw - it's your wife who needs to physically recover, not you.

Several posters gave asked if the same rules apply to the maternal parents, please can you answer this?

DD1's last child was born 8 years ago. Have things really changed that much since then? Sad if so.

My perfectly lovely DILs encouraged me to visit the day after they were home, we called in and stayed about 30 mins. Long enough to meet the new babies, drop them their dinner , bits of shopping and cakes and biscuits.

After that I was calling in with their clean laundry, prescriptions for mum and walking their dog.

Thank god my kids and their other halves are reasonable adults.

Mean and unfathomable. A very weird new obsession, not to want the people who gave birth to and reared the parents, to meet the new baby and share the joy as soon as possible.

Your the parents, your wife needs recovery time.
I had visitors 27 days in a row after birth of DD1 it was ridiculous. Enjoy the bubble

Grandparents like this rarely do things for the kid but for their selfish need. They seem overly dramatic and have caused chaos where it doesn't need to be because they don't respect your requests.

I was in hospital for 4 days after I think. My parents came the day after (DM was there for the birth) then his dad came the following day. We requested no visitors while he was on paternity leave so we could get a rhythm and routine. After that they came every week. They were 1.5 hours away.

You are the parent and it's your kid. As long as you and your wife agree, they don't have a say.

Grandparents relationship is really hard to navigate. They do feel a sense of entitlement and it’s hard to keep the peace while keeping a boundary. In some ways it’s lovely they want to be such a part of baby’s life, however - You are totally right and need to be selfish in this case (your baby and you come first). Try to be assertive while explaining as gently and tactfully as possible that now and going forward it’s your baby, your rules. Otherwise there will be more overstepping the mark! Congratulations and good luck!

My gosh, you might have not much self respect and need for privacy, but if you can't comprehend that others do, you must be a nightmare in-laws

Well if being seen in your pjs by your in-laws having just been a hospital inpatient is a step too far, then you really are totally unfathomable.

It’s completely up to your partner. I understand people are excited to see a new baby but a woman who’s just been through labour and is in recovery shouldn’t have to deal with visitors until she’s ready, and I say that as someone who has their whole family over a few hours after giving birth.

Because they might be knackered and in bits after squeezing a human out of a very small hole. Hosting is likely not top of their list of priorities.

For example, I don't want to see my in-laws in my pjs, why should I have to make the effort of putting clothes on and receive "visitors" a day or 2 after giving birth?

My mum has seen me in pjs since I was born, 😂clearly not the same.

It's not about the GRAND-PARENTS, it's about the mother who has just given birth - who in most case is still leaking blood, struggling to use the loo, dealing with an exhausting experience and possibly working on breast feeding.

Why on earth would anyone intrude and demand to visit when new parents want peace? How bloody rude and inconsiderate.

I understand not wanting people to come and stay for hours and hours or even stay overnight but it's seems really unkind not to let people who live so close pop over to see the baby when they are just born.
I think it's mean.

Also any entitled grannies reading this.. I am a boy mum and my plan for future grandkids is to cement my good relationship with my future DIL long before they have kids so she seems me as someone who doesn't judge her, cares about her wellbeing, nurtures and can take hints without being offended. If all that groundwork is there then I expect she'd be more likely to feel comfortable with me popping by when she is postpartum but even if she isn't I know that 2-3 weeks makes no difference in the grand scheme of things. And I would still offer to drop round food and take away laundry for cleaning even if I wasn't allowed in (for those first couple of weeks) as THAT is what sets the tone for how you relationship will be.
My ex MIL asked to come to hospital (wasn't allowed as covid anyway) and then expected me to come and visit her a week post c section when I couldn't drive - felt really put out she was meant to visit me and she just held baby while I made her coffees. (See my post aibu to reduce contact with ex MIL)

It's perfectly reasonable for couples to stay as a nuclear family 'bubble' if that is what they want to do. It's fine to ask relations to wait a few days or even a few weeks to meet your baby if that's what you want. There is no 'rule' to follow or break no matter how much your family or friends or people on the internet try to say there is. There's no entitlement to access to your child if you're not the parents. It's also fine and natural for a new mother (and even moreso a first time mother) to want to see her mother and introduce her child to her mother, or both her parents depending on the closeness of her relationship with her father, before the in-laws. You are doing the right thing to attend to what your partner needs and what you as a couple want, not what pushy relations want. Set your boundaries, prioritise your family unit, and you won't go far wrong! 🙂

I welcomed family the same day baby was born.

Suffer? Doesn't want to?

Unless there's a huge backstory of physical or emotional abuse how much is a quick visit from the child's grandparents going to cause anyone to 'suffer'?!

any messages

thanks for your opinion on the matter, but we have decided this is what’s best for our family. Once again your opinion is valid and we hope you’re able to validate our opinion on this matter.

keep sending the same shit sandwich text message, which basically says our opinion is as valid as yours

I get what you're saying but I still don't agree tbh. A new mum, who is recovering from something quite life changing, shouldn't have to suffer through stuff she doesn't want to/isn't able to. They can wait a few days. Pictures can be sent, and phonecalls will be made. Imo, mum should be the priority after nine long months and the difficulty of birth.

My family came to hospital so met my DS1 before he was a day old. Much easier to ‘host’ for an hour during visiting time than have to make cups of tea at home! My in-laws visited for half an hour after a week. I found that quite odd, they couldn’t be persuaded to stay any longer. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well done for standing up to your parents, DH didn't and we spent my first night at home after the birth arguing because I was so exhausted and couldn't face visitors and he was insistent that his parents and his siblings and their families come down the next day to stay for a few days. Our eldest is 16 and it still upsets me when I think about it. Funnily enough they showed no interest in coming to visit after DC2 or DC3 were born, in comparison my Mum came to help me every time.

Apart from my Mum (who was with us to look after me and did all our cooking and housework for the first 2 weeks of DC1's life) we had no visitors for a week after DC1. That was my brother, who I love dearly, and I was still crying the night before he visited because I was so exhausted I had no idea what I was going to be able to say to him. I'm quite jealous of people who felt well enough to entertain visitors at home in the immediate aftermath of having their first DC, that wasn't my experience at all.

In the past women had much longer in hospital after the birth and visitors were carefully restricted (in number and time) so the experience of today's grandmothers is very different from that of their DILs. Having two visitors in hospital for under an hour is very different to being expected to host at home. It's no wonder young Mums want a few days to recover from the birth without visitors.

If an 8lb lump had just exited his body via exhausting squeezing and tearing or major surgery; then I think op would feel more comfortable having a chat with his own family than his in laws. Men get two days bed rest after getting the snip for goodness sake

Let them meet the baby for half hour have a cuddle then they will back off, it's not worth falling out over

Both sets of parents met my daughter when she was 5 days old, we also wanted the first few days to ourselves and thankfully they totally respected that.
Congratulations on your beautiful new baby. Enjoy this time.