When's right for family to visit newborn?

Ffs🙄

All these posters on here smirking and mocking the "bubble" which is essentially the need for a new mother to rest, and her right to decide when she is ready for visitors,

all these selfish entitled "I know better, back in my days we gave birth on the way to the mines and didn't stop for a cuppa you bunch of snowflakes"

are exactly the reason why the bubble, or need for privacy and peace if you prefer, is needed, and why parents are so right to put boundaries.

The people who get it, who don't make drama but are supportive, I bet they are welcome very early on.

I don't really understand the folks who want 6-8 weeks or whatever with nobody meeting or holding the baby, but I do think it's absolutely normal to want a bit of space for a few days first and I'd be annoyed with your parents for not respecting that.

My first baby came by c-section. I was fine with hospital visitors but when I got home I wanted a few days to settle in. Recovery was painful and breastfeeding was really difficult, I used to get quite upset that I was doing it all wrong when she wouldn't latch and because she was cluster feeding at the start I didn't feel confident around other people to breastfeed without getting upset and feeling like a failure. I had family come on the fourth or fifth day I think.

My second baby was precipitous (very fast) natural labour in the middle of the night so I was home by lunch time. Breastfeeding went so much smoother than the first time, felt like my body remembered what to do, I was fine to walk the dog etc, minimal recovery. It was so different to the first time round that I didn't feel I needed any time to get to grips with anything so we had family come round the same day I was home.

Every woman, labour and recovery are different and barring the extremely long introductory periods (weeks and weeks of this "cocooning" or whatever it's called) I think a reaction such as your parents is unreasonable.

Congratulations on your new little person OP. I think the question is more how is your wife recovering physically and emotionally? As some people feel relatively okay after birth and snap back but for most either mode if delivery is painful and exhausting. I would ask your wife how she feels? And say to grandparents we are super excited for you to meet little one but can it just be a cuppa and cuddle tomorrow. When is your wife's parents/family coming? Something to consider! For me they all met little one at the hospital then we shut the door!

I think it's a shame that the baby bubble has to be a thing. Perhaps it wouldn't have to be if more respected mums boundaries.

Baby bubble 😳

Never got this ‘just us 3 baby bubble’…..think it’s a load of bollocks myself 🙄 ( mother of 3)

I have 5 and suffered postnatal depression with the first baby only.

And simply because my MIL and his family were so overwhelming and immediately after I gave birth. Postpartum is the 4th trimester.

And should be dealt with sensitively. "Newborn bubble isn't a new concept" it's an adjustment period. As is baby blues isn't a new concept.

Labour is labour, it's exactly that - hard wor!

A woman's body is always dealt with a huge amount of entitlement. As much as they long to meet the grandchild. This new mama is adjusting to just giving birth, and readjusting to a newborn, as well as perhaps healing in whatever way she has birthed. As well as engorged breasts.

Attempting to feed and trying to not panic with a newborn at night hoping they're breathing. My God, it's absolutely not selfish to not want anyone over. The midwife probably hasn't even visited in that time lol.

Some people need to wind their necks in and remember the first time they had a baby. Have compassion for the new parents.

And empathy for the grandparents. But all that remains most important are the new parents especially mum. And a huge congratulations on the birth. Wishing you all a healthy and wonderful journey as parents xx

When my daughter was born, my mum and mil nearly met her before I did due to the fact that I was still attached to about 100 machines and wasn't allowed up to the scbu. My husband was the first person to see our daughter. I just needed people I trusted to report back to me that she was safe and well. Both sets of grandparents were put on the non restricted visit list, and we used to go in and find them having the first daily cuddle . I think they would have definitely been upset if they had to wait 3/4 days until they met her, but they would have understood if that was our choice.

Oh this thread makes me so sad 😰

I totally understand that there are relationships with PILs / and with parents that are not good and where boundaries need to be set.

But in normal healthy(ish) family dynamics I find this 'bubble' approach quite heartbreaking. Surely 'family' is about your closest kin - including your Mum and Dad - on both sides.

My MIL and I were very different people and didn't see eye-to-eye on everything, but she was the one who understood my challenges with breastfeeding, who gave practical (and even hands-on) support to establish breast feeding. It was not something I could have anticipated, ever. And it changed our relationship for the better. Left to our own devices dh and I wouldn't have solved the breastfeeding problem.

And with my own adult dd, following a really difficult hospital experience with her dc1, it was support from me and her dad that gave her the confidence with dc2 to leave hospital and go home. On her own she'd have been overwhelmed by the 'medicalisation' of non-issues.

I agree totally that those first few days are utterly overwhelming for new parents and their infant baby. But it's an instagram world where the loved up mini-family bond and thrive and present themselves in all their perfect and sanitised insta-glory a few days after birth. It is a real human family where we see each other at our weakest and most needy, snotty crying, blood, shit the whole shebang - where we support and care.

And in the great circle of life, it was my MIL seeing me at my weakest and helping me, that also enabled me (and her) to have a reciprocal relationship when she was elderly and dying, and dh offering personal care to her, and me holding her hand as she died.

I couldn't have put it better myself. My mum came to visit me in hospital about three hours after I'd given birth, and my mother in law came round a couple of days after I got home. I never gave considered not letting them see their grandchild as soon as they wanted to.

My parents and in-laws are precious to me. We are precious to them. Our baby was precious to us ALL...I cannot understand why in-laws are automatically barred. Yes it's your choice, but unless there's a major backstory, I think you're being mean denying them a cuddle for the sake of exerting control.

I couldnt wait for my Mum to meet her new Grandson. Really couldnt wait. So I will never get these posts. But it's your choice. Stick to your guns as someone has suggested you can control that But you can't control how others react.

I wonder how many of these new parents that have their bubble and keep everyone away will be moaning in a few years that their parents/parents in law/siblings etc don't have a relationship with their kids and don't put them first.

Of course not, would have been enough for your DP to just tell people you’re struggling and can’t face any visitors yet and they should understand. It’s the whole baby bubble ‘we just don’t want to share this precious time with even our closest family for half an hour’ trend that comes across as a bit strange to a generation that went through birth too but was more then happy for a short visit from the grandparents the day after the birth.

Not unless it's actually the mum writing of course...

I think it’s whenever the mother is ready- the whole thing is hardest on her by a country mile. If she needs a few days then so be it. Or longer.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare the maternal grandparents with the paternal ones though like some have on this thread. Sometimes you just need your mum with you when you’re feeling most vulnerable and it’s not personal against anyone else. And that’s coming from a person who has a lousy relationship with their own mother and won’t be wanting her round straight after I give birth later this year.

Congratulations and enjoy your new baby OP. Don’t be afraid to tell people to back off if they’re being too demanding.

I’ve never understood this “baby bubble” need.

Where I am everyone welcomes the new baby as soon as possible and offer their congratulations, close family sometimes visit in hospital. Quick visit, look at the little wrinkly bundle, say they are gorgeous (even if they look like Winston Churchill) then they piss off and let you get on with it.

Each to their own I guess and you are in control, but also understandable if close family who are excited their baby has had a baby, want that initial connection, to share your happiness and welcome the new baby feel pushed back.

Totally up to you! She’s your baby. Three days is very soon!
We have a new nephew who lives 5 mins away. We do loads for them but they’ve still not let us meet him and he’s over two weeks old. There isn’t any other family which I find odd!!

@DanielGault do you really consider the paternal grandparents somehow second best? Less interested? Less important? Less likely to love and cherish the child?

Yes of course mums are to be considered in every way.. any normal reasonable woman would agree and go out of their way to respect and support a new mum. But really. Your son's children's are just as precious as your daughters.

Of course! And thrown up a three course meal 😂

3 days post partum I was in pain from my C section, struggling with breastfeeding, exhausted, wearing a leg catheter and developing an agonising UTI. I wasn’t able to wash my hair for 10 days. Should I have forced myself to have visitors just so I didn’t upset anyone?

Because equal grandparents! Waaaaaahhhh!

Yes, it's his wife. So she gets to decide who visits.

Why is that particularly important?