When's right for family to visit newborn?

I agree, mums benefit from a good support network but people that ride roughshod over your boundaries don't tend to be the ones that support you do they?

As for the kids, the best grandparents and extended family members are those who spend time with you whilst also having their own lives and interests. They can really enrich the child's life. I've never been convinced the more needy ones "I have to make an appointment to see my own grandchild" or who expect very frequent contact to mums detriment are going to fill that role.

Have you put the same restrictions on the other side?

By 11am, my parents and 2yr old niece were at the hospital and they stayed all day. Then at teatime, my sister, Nan, brother, sister-in-law and 13yo niece turned up for a couple of hours.

I sincerely hope you had a private room!

People who throw a tantrum because they feel entitled to a "cuddle" are not there for support unfortunately, it's all about them and their right to brag they were among the first to see the baby. They obviously don't care about supporting the mother and her needs.

All the posters mocking the "bubble", in competition with the other grandparents to be there first, are exactly the reason why women need to put boundaries and see visitors when they are ready, however long it takes.

The support network is always welcome, the overbearing visitors are not.

Completely agree. Each to their own and if you’re feeling well and looking forward to visitors have them at your hospital bed or as soon as you get home but depends on how Mum is feeling!

My dad came to visit the day after I got home from hospital and although I didn’t know it I was still very ill and would be readmitted a couple of days later. He took one look at me, sent me for a shower while DP held the baby, remade bed then told us all to go back to bed with DS. That kind of visit was exactly what we needed (help as new parents) not grandparents desperate to cuddle baby. He got plenty of grandad time when we were a little better. I hope when I have grandchildren, I remember to ask “what do YOU need,” not “I want”.

(Also for every lovely cuddly newborn there is also a 3 day old screaming bloody murder as they have realised they aren’t cosy inside mum anymore and are either crying or cluster feeding for hours on end)

Can't claim to know about 'most' women but lots have c sections and birth injuries. Lots. So they should be allowed to recover as they see fit. Childbirth can be traumatic for all sorts of reasons, there's no reason mum should be on show until she's ready. People can wait.

Baby bubble (although we definitely didn't call it that at the time) for baby number two was much like baby number one. I'd had a C-section with number two, and a post-partum haemorrhage again. DH still took first DC to nursery, and to baby groups or events.

It felt even more vital if I'm honest for us to have that settling in time, so not only could I rest and recover after the birth, but so that first DC could enjoy having a new baby at home without the bombardment of visitors first too.

My guess is that most in-laws, if they live locally, just want a quick peek at the baby. Newborns are so amazing. There is, as usual, a sensible middle ground between banning everyone from seeing the baby and full on hosting.

It's the same with how new mums generally feel after giving birth. Mumsnet posters seem to think women are either ready to go out clubbing the day after having a baby or that they are near death and hanging on to life by a thread when in real life 'most' women feel a bit shite and tired but not too bad.

I'm wondering how the 'baby bubble works with baby number 2 and more. Or is it just a PFB thing.

If you've another kid does the whole household have to stay home in the precious 'baby bubble'

It’s really sad that some people are dismissing and belittling the idea of a ‘baby bubble’ simply because they don’t understand it or wouldn’t have wanted it themselves.

I’m shocked at the complete lack of empathy for what the mother has gone through and the idea that she is ‘entitled’ ‘mean’ ‘pathetic’ etc for not putting the desires of her extended family, before her own needs to rest, recover, have privacy and enjoy her own baby as she sees fit.

The idea that anyone is completely desperate to see or hold a baby that is not their own, hours after it has come out of its mother is seriously weird. Any reasonable person would respect the parents’ wishes and be mindful that they could have gone through an exhausting and traumatising few days.

Of course it's up to you. My father came to meet my baby in the hospital (section so I stayed a couple days). I was surprised my mother didn't come (can't remember why she didn't). When we got home we had a stream of visitors and went out to a restaurant the second day. I don't get this 'bubble' thing - we had plenty of time just the three of us as well as the visitors! Babies are pretty dull and it was nice for a few days though have the buzz of people around (and this from someone who normally does not care to socialise much).
But three days is hardly anything and your parents should respect that. As long as your in laws did too.

My grandson was born on Boxing Day. DDIL’s parents met him on the 28th and we met him on the 30th/31st. We live 3hrs away, her parents live up the road from them, so we stayed in a hotel. I did the laundry, cooked some meals, and cleaned up a bit for them as well as having baby cuddles.

We didn’t miss anything by waiting a few days to go. DDIL had an emergency c-section, and DGS was 3 weeks early, so it was all a bit of a shock. It wasn’t like we waited months.

When I had DS1, he was born at half past midnight. By 11am, my parents and 2yr old niece were at the hospital and they stayed all day. Then at teatime, my sister, Nan, brother, sister-in-law and 13yo niece turned up for a couple of hours. DH was there too. It was too much and made me feel quite unwell tbh. I’d been in labour for over 24hrs, had had a ventouse and felt like shit. I could have done with some less visitors in the initial hours.

I think probably get far too precious about "?those first few days"
I was in hospital on a busy ward for 3 days and 4 days after mine. There was no privacy and OH could only be there for short periods. PIL came to visit the same day...before I had even showered.
Not saying any of that was ideal but that people should check their privilege at being at home and appreciate that they have family looking out for them.

Although this is nothing like how we handled things, it is completely ok for you as parents to want to settle into and enjoy the first few days with baby.

We had a long journey to parenthood, but mine was a short pregnancy. DC very early and delivered under general anaesthetic. Family came to see me the next day and met our DC at the exact same time as I did.

I’m 59 now …..been a granny 9 years….all my kids have children….I was there when 2 of them were born and saw the other one at 2 hours old…..all by invitation…..none of our family are into ‘baby bubbles’ 😂😂😂

I hope you have greater empathy if/when any of your children have a child.

Congratulations!

Personally, I had 13 miscarriages over 10 years and couldn't wait for our immediate family/best friends to meet our DD.

Both sets of our parents came to visit in hospital and I loved seeing everyone cuddling our much longed for baby, it made me burst with pride however, I truly believe it is a personal decision x

My parents visited little one at two days old in hospital. A quick 30 minute drop in. It was also my birthday so it was nice to see them.

My in laws met her day 5 when we were home and they stayed 4 hours!! As they were leaving they then said “we’ll pop in tomorrow” and they stayed another 4 hours!! I’d had a c section and couldn’t really walk or go to the toilet without having my husband to hold onto and I hated them being around and they did nothing to help out… other than my MIL scurry out the room to watch my husband change baby’s nappy because she wanted to check he was doing it right… despite him having done 90% of her nappies at this point due to my c section.

I know for next time to have firmer boundaries with them.

My advice is only meet people when you’re ready. 3 days old is quite early to meet little one so I don’t know why they’re making such a fuss!! It’s not like you’ve made them wait weeks.

I'm intrigued that it's viewed as hiding away. When we didn't have visitors, we absolutely didn't view it as hiding. We were still contactable, still had phone calls/video calls. We were still utterly joyous that our little one had arrived safely.

We were also very grateful to have time to convalesce, bond with our new baby, establish breastfeeding and enjoy a whole new period of change. I think back to that time really fondly.

I'd also wonder why if feels so much more important to give a baby a could on day one vs day three or seven. If it's less special for a grandparent to hug their new grandchild after waiting a few days, rather than fresh out of the womb, surely that says more about them?

Never understand the people saying crap like pfb like an insult.
of course ones first born is precious? that's not a bad thing.

Also the entitled and self absorbed ones are the people demanding to see the baby immediately. It's never just one or two people expecting this and where do you stop then.
And I say that as having had my in laws in the hospital the following day, but that was fully my choice, though not one I'll repeat next time as I felt horrendous, but still, that was my choice and they never demanded anything.
If it's not your child you can wait a few days honestly. Three days is nothing.

And yet if the grandparents didn't want to meet the baby, you would be the first person to complain.

3 days to see your grandchild. Torture.

My mum and in-laws arrived 3 hrs after ds was born, they had a quick visit , a cuddle and left after an hour. This meant dh and I had our time together when we got home.

with dd she was born at night and my mum visited when she was 15 hrs old, in-laws visited when she was 22 hrs old.

id never deprive our parents a quick visit to meet their grandchild.

dh and I still had plenty of us time bonding with our babies after the initial first visit .

id hate to wait 3 days to meet my first grandchild.

our only stipulation was do not just turn up at our house as we would not be letting anyone in who didn’t text to make sure it was convenient to visit x

Maybe lockdown and the rules around covid started it 🤔.