When's right for family to visit newborn?

What a sweeping assumption. Laughable.

Two baby bubbles here. Although, we didn't call them baby bubbles. I didn't have a baby shower or a sex reveal for either baby, what I did have was years of infertility, one traumatic labour (resulting in a large grade tear, and a post-partum haemorrhage) and a C-section (along with another haemorrhage). Nothing grabby. I wanted peace to recover and time to bond with my babies, and establish breastfeeding.

Do you not see anything grabby about anyone demanding to meet my baby in those circumstances though?

you mean the only self-indulgent people here are the ones who claim it's their right to see a newborn baby, without any thought or respect for the woman who had just given birth?

“New Born baby bubble” … brought to you by the same people who have a grabby “baby shower” and a self-indulgent “gender (sex) reveal”

It’s tiresome

Worth a read

Pretty much my experience too. Family were welcome to visit in the hospital. With first I was stuck in for 3 days so welcomed it. For second I was home after a day.

OP YANBU. It is just a couple of days and you know your family AND what you and your partner can handle right now.

Everyone is different, has had different pregnancy and childbirth experiences etc.

An hour visit doesn’t hurt and keeps everyone happy

Everyone except the person who gave birth and doesn't want visitors.

Well yes maybe we do live in a different world. Many grandma’s are at the birth too, my mum was my first, and my friend also had her mum there. My in-laws were at the hospital the next day to drive us home with ds2 and they were there within 2hrs of DD, again to escort us home and see their new grandchild. They brought DP’s brother and sister in law with DD and then they all came back to our small house and we ordered pizza. Not ideal and I was glad when they went but I understood they were excited to see the baby and then it meant they didn’t come again for a week or so. My family were 250 miles away by the time I had DS2 and DD otherwise they’d have come to the hospital. I didn’t mind my family soaking up in the joy of a new arrival, but if my own kids want me to wait a week I’d respect that of course. An hour visit doesn’t hurt and keeps everyone happy.

You are absolutely NBU. Your parents are BVU, not to mention insensitive. Enjoy your lovely new D in peace and lovely bubble. 3 days old is fine, it has to be on you and your DP's terms. Congratulations on your little girl.

Don't know if it's regional but none of my peers had our mothers in the delivery room. Everyone I know just had their partner or did it alone.

All these people taking the piss about baby bubbles and not wanting visitors immediately, or saying ‘Ooh, my entire family and the whole neighbourhood came to see me, bleeding, in pain, I somehow managed.’ Well, aren’t you all amazing?! It’s entirely up to the new parents, it doesn’t matter what your story was like, this is theirs and only what they want counts. Big sympathy to those whose partner/family didn’t give you a choice, way to ruin your relationship.

Im the opposite- I don’t know anyone who’s parent was in the delivery room & it was quite frustrating on the ward when large families turned up and stayed for hours taking over all the limited space!

And yet almost every one of my friends and family have done this and most of my friends ( in our 50s) have been at the births of our maternal grandchildren…..so maybe you live in a different world to me🤷‍♀️🙄

we can't be living in the same "real world", I don't know any grand-parent who was straight to the delivery room

Still their relative who they are keen to meet. Of course they should respect it but you can’t stop them feeling hurt and offended when most grandparents are straight to the delivery room (in the real world, not mumsnet world)

They are excited to have a grandchild - that is allowed!

Unless you have a difficult relationship with them and feel they will be overbearing, a quick peep and receiving their congratulations seems in order.

If there are good reasons why you do not want them near the baby, then that is entirely different.

My parents did not see my babies for a few weeks - they lived 150 miles away. And my PIL saw them after even longer - but that was their choice.

I saw all my GC very soon after birth - indeed was there at the birth of one of them. This is what my DDs wanted, so I followed their lead. It was a mutual joy.

I think there is no need for this baby bubble, unless you do not get on with the grandparents. Babies are born into families - that is the context of all our lives. I would cut them a bit of slack.

I had a traumatic first pregnancy and was in hospital for nearly a week. I didn't want to see anyone apart from DH but my PIL kept turning up at the hospital.

For the second pregnancy, I was in and out and one day so definitely welcomed visitors! My PIL saw the baby on day 1, my mum on day 2 and my brother and his wife on day 3. I was happy to have visitors then as I was feeling well.

I’ve personally never understood this baby bubble for x days teens, especially when most babies are born in a hospital so they’ve probably met medical staff going into double figures by the time they are 24 hours old! In so many cases it does seem to be a bit of power play by the parents rather than anything else. I think a quick 10 minute visit as soon as everyone has recovered is perfectly fine!

That said 3 days is not too bad (I heard someone suggest 2 weeks 😳) and in your case there were good reasons- all I would say is that unless your parents are batshit it’s good for the child and for you both (hello babysitting) to have an active relationship with their wider family, the foundations of which are laid now, so don’t over enforce boundaries if you don’t need to.

I had what would now be described as a 'traumatic' birth. I was in hospital for 5 days afterwards.
I was delighted to see anyone who visited me - either in hospital or at home.
I found having dc1 overwhelming and was thrilled to be reminded that I had a strong support network and so many people there to love this new little being.
I was never 'on show'. I was in a hospital bed with a drip, not on a stage somewhere. People came because they loved me and wanted to support me.
Don't assume people want to be on their own because of a difficult birth - if was quite the opposite in my case. Once home, I needed people popping in for some time too, don't assume I only wanted visitors because I was in hospital.

It’s not their offspring. They had theirs and made the decisions they wanted at the time. This time round they have to respect their child/ child’s family decision

The right amount of time depends on when the new mom wants to have visitors- she’s the one recovering while figuring out breastfeeding etc. the dad’s opinion matters too but to a much lesser extend.

I personally would never stop grandparents visiting straight away. They are so keen to meet their new off spring. I would respect though if told I had to wait x amount of time

GM here. My first GC was born and while happy for the parents I was also happy to wait until invited to see the child. It happened fairly soon - a day - but I would have waited longer. I have ages to see the child since I don't live too far away, but it's entirely up to the parents and it doesn't bother me one iota. I'd say it's clearly different for everyone, but I don't know why people are so keen to see babies the moment they're born.

At least they want to meet your little one, we have family on both sides who haven't even met DD and she's nearly 2 now, but it's their loss!

I think you're right about the hospital stay times being key.

The first time my mum met my own children, they were quick, brief visits, mostly to check on me whilst meeting the new baby. We saw the in-laws the same day. I mentioned in an earlier post that is had a large post-partum haemorrhage and tear. I was expected to go to in-laws, where extended family were waiting. My baby was passed around. I had to battle to get baby back when baby needed feeding, and trek from room to room to find somewhere quiet to breastfeed. FIL wouldn't have been happy for me to breastfeed openly. This was day six, so newborn was still cluster feeding - and I still hadn't recovered from my tear or haemorrhage. If I could have extended that newborn bubble for longer, I would have and should have. Grateful that the midwives advised that bubble in the first place.

I think perhaps this is the key. I was born by C-section in the 1980s and I think my mum stayed in about a week. She had quite a few visits from family and friends during that time. But they would have been short visits, during visiting hours, while she stayed in bed.

These days most women in the UK go home the day they give birth or the day after, which means that people visiting in the first few days will be coming to their house and much more likely to stay for hours on end and expect to be hosted by the new mother.

I gave birth abroad and the first time I stayed in for four days. No visitors other than my husband were even allowed. Even when we went home, Covid travel restrictions were still in place so quite a few family including my parents had to wait a really long time to meet our baby. My in laws met him the day we came home but they live locally and only stayed half an hour with him in the living room while I had a nap. I was never expected to host them in any way.

The second time I had a very smooth birth experience and was feeling great. I was dying to get home because I missed my other child, but I still had to stay in for 48 hours which is the minimum here. I was in a private room (also quite standard here) and it was peaceful and relaxing. By the time I got home on day 3 I was more than ready for visits.

The OP has invited his parents to meet the new baby on day 3, and they'll be the first visitors, and they're still sulking. They need to wind their necks in! A 3 day old baby looks exactly the same as a 1 day old baby.