Have a just been a cow?

You are not a cow and don’t listen to the “the poor kids only ten” brigade. I’m a single mum too and my ten and eight year old contribute in the house and recognise that I have more time for them when they’re helping out so they strip their own beds every weekend and hoover their own rooms. They are also sent round the house to pick o up their own stuff (mainly hundreds and hundreds of nerf bullets that have been scattered). Likewise they put their own stuff in the dishwasher.

my advice would be you can have quality time while cooking breakfast. My boys love to join in cooking. I also link their jobs to their pocket money to get it done!

Hope ye end up having a nice games/ movie evening op x

omg so many mean comments on this thread!
@BringBackLilt OP you did nothing wrong. of course you should remind him, how else would he learn? maybe involve him in the chores more and have a quiet chat with him few days later when he is in a relaxed frame of mind. perhaps he can help you do the laundry and double check all pockets etc. so that he starts getting into the habit.
everytime he leaves something lying around, maybe call him and get him to put it away? all with lots of praise and love and cuddles and smiles.

I don't know which option to click because yanbu to say what you did, to be frustrated and you are neither reasonable or not to feel guilty about- all very normal
Cut yourself some slack, enjoy some time out & enjoy his company when he's finished sulking

I understand you need to do laundry but can you not do things like mow the lawn when he's at his dad's?

He's plenty old enough to be considerate and helpful.

I would have a chat with him, apologize if you were too harsh and say that you love him and spending time with him, but really need some help from him to facilitate that.

He could definitely be doing some laundry and making a lunch for example. And you should not be picking up his toys at that age.

If it were me finding tissues in the wash I would make my child come and do the wash again. Not to be cruel, but to really make it sink in that carelessness creates extra work.

I understand your frustration. You've apologised. Now I think at his age, you need to start teaching him how to help around the house. Do not raise another feckless man like his father. He's now old enough to learn how to do his own laundry, then show him how to wash dishes properly, how to vacuum.

There's no excuse at his age not to learn these things. If you both work as a team together getting the housework done, that frees up more time for you to relax and do the fun things together.

Once he gets used to it, I'm sure it'll make him appreciate what you do for him.

All the best x

Written by someone who has raised three well adjusted considerate adults.

He just loves you loads and wants one on one time with you & is too little to articulate//understand what hes feeling etc...as hard as it is, just leave everything, do something lovely together like play on the garden a couple of hours.

He's sulking, good for you not wanting to raise a spoilt brat!

@RobertaFirmino agreed

Stop talking shit.

I don't think you've done anything wrong..
It sounds like he's a kind sensitive boy abd now he feels guilty. It was probably just thoughtlessness on his part, and he's now sad that he didn't take more care.
My son is the same. You don't need to raise your voice to him or anything.. if he feels he has done something wrong he sometimes just gets quite upset with himself about it. He's 9.
I usually just go and reassure him that I love him and he's a good person.. that what he did may have been wrong or careless but that all he needs to do is try and be a bit more thoughtful about what he's doing in the future.. he doesn't need to get really distressed about it.

It just sounds like your son is a sensitive lad which is good in many ways. He probably just needs a bit of reassurance that you are still proud of him and it's just about trying a bit harder to remember to do some of these things in future.

I would try to be less negative and martyrish when talking to him.

Instead if he is home with nothing to do involve him positively. Ask him to take on the task of checking all his pockets before the laundry is loaded and out the load on switch on the machine. Get him gardening gloves to help with the weeding.

If you are struggling with the extra workload of mowing your ndn lawn and it is a negative impact on your workload/mood don't do it.

Ds should be helping you make breakfast and lunch, make it into an activity together, learning to be independent in the kitchen, chatting about things while doing it. Soon he will be able to make you lunch.

Get him into the working together as a team mindset. He helps, make it fun and the jobs get done quicker.

So teach them not to!

I think don’t mentioning his dad in comparisons is good, you are making him feel bad that he has a dad who is [insert description on choice even if it’s lucky] and a mum who is [insert work of choice resentful/angry/exhausted] and he might feel upset and trapped that the situation feels bad and then he has made it worse with his tissues etc.

If you are doing jobs and DS resents it and you feel the need to say something you’d be better saying ‘taking care of the house and washing feels a bit of a chore but it’s lovely when it’s done and we can enjoy it all clean and tidy and just for us’

10 is also old enough to discuss the weekend routine with and agree how activities and chores will fit in that suits him. He is also old enough to speed you up by changing his own bed and putting out the recycling.

Maybe you would be better putting him ahead of the jobs for now because he’ll soon be a teen sleeping in till 11 and then it won’t matter if you do the jobs before spending time with him because he’ll be asleep!

10 is a really hard age. I think that you have handled the whole situation brilliantly. You definitely won't be raising a man child! Boundaries are important and wonderful learning strategies.

You need to train your DS out of this carry on OP. You made a mild request for his help with full explanation and he's turned it into a drama, portraying himself as a victim and making you feel inappropriately guilty. This needs nipping in the bud before it becomes a pattern of behaviour that will result in him growing up to be manipulative. I'd tell him that you are free and ready to play Badminton, an offer that's on the table for the next half hour. If in that time he hasn't 'recovered' enough to want to play, then you'll get on with something else. No more apologies. You've done nothing wrong.

I would stop what ever I was doing if my kids needed me as I did have that with my mother.
I can clean up when kids was in bed or if I wasn't needed I kinda worked round them.

@Sillystrumpet being "in tears" doesn't equate to sobbing. And as for attacking - this feels like exactly what you're doing!

OP don't listen to this nonsense. You're human! You're exhausted, overworked and doing the job of 2 parents. Ok so maybe it wasn't ideal - but kids need to know that we are human. And yes - he does need to empty his pockets and put plates away. I'm still trying, and mine are late teens!!

I'd just go up and have a chat. I'd probably apologise for taking it out on him (I'm a big fan of teaching kids to apologise by example) but then explain all that you've said here, and give him a hug.

It sounds like you need a break. Life is bloody tough sometimes.