Have a just been a cow?

He’ll make up his own mind about his dad as he grows up.

Stay neutral about it.

Have a lovely game of badminton OP.

Maybe time son pitches in a bit, at an appropriate level of course. Being an SEN teacher, you’ll know that kids need reminding a lot about things. Before you do the washing, ask him to check the pockets etc.

I think OP was referring to her ex ruining his own life perhaps?

I just pointed out how our weekends together might be different and the reasons why
But how does that help him?

I don't want him to think that I'm deliberately avoiding spending time with him and that my time is more limited than the time he gets with his dad because I have things to do that need doing

With the greatest respect, you did avoid playing with him, if my child was desperate for me to play with him, i would hold off mowing the neighbours lawn, play with my child for a bit, then maybe mow the neighbours lawn.

It's great he is playing with his friends, and he now happy he has someone to play with.

Just because your child is upset, it does not follow that it is reasonable for him to be upset. Nor does it mean that his emotions are appropriate. Being upset does not put the other person in the right.

You did not raise your voice, or loose it, you were reasonably assertive, and you offered an explanation of what you needed him to do and why.

This is just everyday parenting stuff, and not abuse, as some are making out here.

And this 'he's ruined his life' - seriously this is such a damaging way to think.

He has not ruined his life, your son has the potential to have a wonderful life.

I genuinely think you need some help to deal with how YOU feel about his dad.

It comes across how much you care, but you are not helping your son by trying to hide his real father from him. It is a lot of emotional pressure on your son and he is not free to come to you for support with the reality of his life because you are investing so much energy in trying to hide the truth.

I agree with your family - it will be much better for your son when he is able to live in the reality. You have to get yourself sorted - it shouldn't be crushing you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What are your ex in laws like? Do they enable their son? One thing that always astonishes me on here is the number of men who just go running back to mummy and daddy when they have cheated on their wives or run out on them in other ways, and the parents (usually the mothers!) just accept it. If a son of mine treated his wife that way, he would not be spending a second under my roof nor getting a penny in help from me. If he tried to whine to me about his wife he would get short shrift.

You didn't do anything wrong op. Iv said the same to my teens and pre teens. I'm lucky to be a two parent household, all kids do chores an weekend. No reason dc can't hoover while your cleaning bathroom and wash up or load dishwasher. Sort washing together and teach him how

there you go then. nothing for you to feel guilty about. it must have been tough but tbh he did you a favour because he frankly sounds like a loser.

That’s entirely understandable, but he will always have a different relationship with his father than your relationship with his father than yours as an ex. I can also understand your family think they’re on your side by talking like that — maybe tell them it’s not helpful?

It's not that you've shouted at him (as you say you haven't), it's that he feels you haven't got time for him.

"I work full time and have a big work load outside of working hours so I can't generally do too much during the week."

This focus on other people's children plus household chores on Saturday says you're prioritising everything else.

You've done nothing wrong in telling your son that he needs to tidy his own things. He probably feels guilty and this is why he's upset and needing time alone to process it. Go and give him a hug as soon as you think he might be receptive and get back to the fun activities you had planned!

At his age he does need to be able to sort out some of his own things around the house. Are there some small jobs you could make his in future and give him some more responsibility?

Completely appreciate how annoying it must be for Disney dad to just make everything fun at his. But you don't have to compete with that. You obviously have a great work ethic and are setting a good example of how adults deal with real life, which your son needs and will recognise as he gets older.

Single parenthood is hard, especially when their father is useless. The weight of sole responsibility is heavy! You did nothing wrong OP. I commend you trying to raise a boy who is more considerate and domesticated than his father. Keep on reminding him until he picks up good habits and hopefully you will break the cycle.

Almost 11 is more than old enough to make a sandwich, grab some fruit/yoghurt. Let go of the idea that you have to do everything for him because you feel guilty - that won't serve either you or him long term.

It's definitely hard to keep the resentment and bitterness at bay when you're feeling exasperated by your responsibilities but I try hard not to bring my children's dad into it as it unsettles them, referring to his dads weekends as more fun is possibly what upset your DS. These sense your ill feelings towards the other parent even if you believe you're saying it in a neutral way. Keep your focus on you and DS and your family unit. You sound like you're doing a great job! Enjoy the badminton 🏸

I know you think he's so little but he's nearly 11 and he's getting to that age when puberty starts. My lovely boy became totally over dramatic about stuff and needed alone time and the smallest things set him off. He just couldn't process all the emotion. He grew out of it but at nearly 16 still has the whole 'it's not fair' thing momentarily and disappearing to his room. You just have to roll with it.
I am in awe of the fact you didn't totally lose your shit. The constant leaving dirty dishes and leaving hankies in pockets does my head in. Plus hoovering the grass.

That just shows what a lovely person you are. Sorry, I realise my comment sounded like that your relatives' as well. Obviously, you would rather your ex was a decent person, but the next best thing is that your son realises that how his father behaved was not ok.

I really don't think you've done anything wrong OP, I think it is sensible to remind him that there are reasons why weekends with you are not the same as weekends with his Dad. He's not a 5 year old, he should be old enough to realise this at least when it is pointed out if not all by himself yet.

I would let him know, it IS ok to go and have some quiet time by himself if he needs to, but its also important to shake off and move on once that's done (to avoid raising a sulker who uses sulking to punish people, I don't think thats what he was doing... but it can go that way!!) rather than sit and stew.

Ignore the posters determined to invent a situation that never happened, they do it for kicks, I assume they have little else going on in their lives and are just bored.

I think its reasonable to ask DS to empty his pockets and bring crockery to the kitchen

I think you're feeling guilty because you have chores to do and you're worried that DS is/will compare and contrast YOU with his Dad

Probably DS is simply sad that none of his friends are around to play with