Have a just been a cow?

If you go there and it sounds like you are starting to think about going there, 2 things

1. Maybe focus on what is a good example of a good role model dad and not focus on how his own dad is a bad roll model, he will totally join the dots if he hasn’t already but above all keep being his role model in how you manage that bridge.
2. Never use emotionally hard days as the setting to go there with your son. It could possibly switch the parent child dynamic,
3. I strongly suspect from what you say in your posts that at his age your son will already know you and his dad are at opposite ends of what he can count on for reliability and countability, even if you haven’t heard him formulate it into words, It’s possible he will have further opportunities as he travels through his teens to appreciate who is responsible and has his back even if it means groundings for bad behaviour.
4. adults tend to look back on parents appropriately parenting them fondly for how it’s shaped them.

OP
It’s simple: you yourself say you have a lot of patience as your a SEN teacher, It’s the calm quiet person who gets really heard when they speak up.
you probably don’t need to loose your temper or get emotional for your son to hear your frustration. To him he probably is sensitive to your subtle behaviour changes.
Whorking in an environment where you managed other’s emotions and triggers 24/7 during work hours it’s easy to let that behaviour become strong in use outside of work so that when his mum turns around kindly pointing out her frustration at his behaviour that has caused her a harder morning of chores all because she wants to spend time with him it really gets heard and hits hard.
If this is the case then absolutely YANBU and its okay for you to share this with him and him to feel upset, both of you are having healthy responses and it’s good.
the important thing is to go upstairs and validate his feelings for him because it’s hard to have feelings around a mum who is so good at managing his feelings that he possibly doesn’t often get to be cross and hurt by you. It’s good he’s getting to be upset and it’s good you are great at communicating with him. Let him know it’s okay for him to tell you you upset him and how much you love him and that you’re sorry, but glad he and you can have and talk about having a bit of a bad day.
In short in my view: you are probably both so good at communicating that neither may be well practiced when you upset each other. If that helps?

Aargh tissue in pockets 😩 makes me 🤪happens all the time here if I don’t check .
He sounds very sensitive and that he went up to feel sorry for himself .
If he is out now with neighbourhood kids then he’s obviously absolutely fine .
And you’re doing amazing 🤩.
He just needs to learn if he helps you a bit / makes less work for you then that equals more time with you !
Simple !
I have a big domestic workload ( large family, large home ) mine might have a whinge for a few minutes that I was busy but then they went off to play with each other / do something else till I was free.
I did say that if chores were shared it would be quicker sometimes they’d help but find it boring and tiring after a while.

I’ve put YABU mainly because you are doing it all yourself and the reality is that at 11 he should be doing it with you. Spend a morning together doing all the jobs and then you can have the remainder of the weekend having fun.

No you aren’t being unreasonable. And honestly ram this home to him. Otherwise he’ll end up being the irritating men we’re all stuck with as partners now whose mums did everything for them and who complain at having to lift their tiny precious pinkies

Sorry, I haven't read all the thread but do you think that he could possibly have been really upset because he feels bad because he's added to your to do list. I know that's how one of my children responds when I pull her up on things ( tiny bit older). They have high expectations of their own behaviour and when it falls short, they get very upset with themselves.

With regard to feeling bad about you having more responsibilities and having less fun time, I really wouldn't be so hard on yourself. He's almost 11. He no longer needs constant entertaining, he has friends and gadgets for that.

He's old enough now to understand that love manifests inself in different ways. And that the daily grind, the keeping the household going, providing a safe and comfortable home to grow up in, and looking after his needs by cooking him breakfast yada yada is a far better indicator of love that taking someone to a trampoline park or playing badminton even! Kids aren't daft, they know who's there for them at the end of the day and this means a whole lot more than the cherry on the top type of things we do with them.

You life sounds quite exhausting, single parent, SEN teacher etc. I hope you make sure you have down time too. After the flurry of Saturday morning chores, I'd want a bit of a rest!

Anyhow, I hope he got over it and that you both ended up doing something nice. X

Sometimes kids are just having a moment. Maybe hormones, maybe nothing. Sounds like you're doing a good job.

I have read the full thread (you thanked me for my message so I think you read my reply).

Being a teacher means nothing, absolutely nothing. Teachers can be as good or as bad as anyone else. And I say that as a child of a headteacher who is a properly unpleasant woman who goes into a nasty attack mode and starts flashing her bloody teaching cards when she feels people disagree with her or are challenging her authority. So I leave you to it.

OP, it sounds like you're doing a great job. But instead of trying to do everything maybe explain to your DS that because it's just the 2 of you, you need to be more of a team. The little things you ask him to do aren't criticism, just ways that help your home run more smoothly.
As for comparing your weekends with his Dad's time, don't beat yourself up about it. We've all said things to our kids we wish we hadn't.

Maybe spend some weekend time with him first and then do chores - let the housework go a bit. He won't always need your time as much as he does now.

You are definitely not being a cow, it's perfectly fine to ask your DC to help in a small way to make both lifes easier. It is not easy being a single parent and jobs have to be done, l am sure that you are doing a great job, sending hugs

it’s really hard. My 10 yo is tasked with hoovering to help out, but tbh we normally have to do it again after which causes resentment. Plus DH is digging a patio at the moment (two months and counting, meaning I’m left with the house, mid reno, so we’re all feeling put upon.

I don’t think you’ve been out of order but maybe time to speak to your neighbour and or get some help. It’s a lot to carry solo and I think kids should be helping more at that age.

I have twins the same age and they make their own lunch and breakfast now. If you want the cooked breakfast and it feels like a nice thing to do then fair enough but they are all feeling like extra chores. He can also do a few chores around the house together and then you will have more time to do nice things together.

You are doing a great job. The sooner they understand that life is full of boring bits as well as fun stuff the better! My kids had to get involved because their father was useless and when I got divorced I didn’t have time.
He won’t appreciate it now but when he is the only one of his friends who can look after himself as he goes to uni/ leaves home - he will understand.
You will give him the tools to fly rather than doing everything for him and creating another useless adult

I'm so glad I had twins. Friends with only children had to spend so much of their lives entertaining them, while I could smugly leave mine to play together while I got on with stuff! (Not that I didn't want to spend time with them, of course, I did - but none of that guilt when I had jobs to do....).

Your DS is quite old enough to understand that you have a house to run - and old enough to be helping out. Don't feel bad - I expect he does deep down! Keep doing what you're doing, and enjoy the wine! Later you can have fun together, ditto tomorrow - but don't back down and do keep reminding him of things he can do to make your life easier. It's all good practice for when he's older.

He’s also old enough to be aware of the impact that his actions/inaction has on others, OP didn’t shout, she was just letting him know and was realistic and honest. If kids don’t get taught about the impact their choices make to others, or personal responsibility, how do they ever learn? It seems we’re already raising generations of entitled human beings who think everything is someone else’s fault/responsibility. Well done OP, I think you’re doing a great job and it’s bloody hard work doing it alone!

Yep and the misogynistic user name speaks volumes

You shouldn’t be apologising for needing to do housework, he’s old enough to do the laundry/washing up and teach to mow the grass etc I think you should be getting him more involved with the housework as he’s getting older.

It also shouldn’t be assumed that he has all your attention when you’re done. You need downtime too… it’s nice that he wants to do things together still but also needs to learn to entertain himself at times.

You just be exhausted. DD is 8 and helps herself to brekkie- as she wants to do it herself. Cereal and milk- it’s fine.

You posted that at lunch time so only half the day gone. Maybe try saying to him help me get x done and we’ll have time to do y. Then make sure you make time for him. Also try doing a load of washing a day not leaving it to the weekend. You can also clean round the bathroom while having a shower/brushing teeth, dusting the lounge on a weekday evening so it takes 5 minutes etc and this makes keeping on top of things much more manageable.
you are not being a cow you are just being a parent. To a boy that, in my opinion, is at one of the trickiest ages.

You have my sympathy. I've been exactly there, and still carry the guilt of cleaning every weekend when I could have been paying my DD more attention 20 odd years later. Maybe ask him to help with certain chores, to get the jobs done in half the time, and apart from the kitchen and bathroom, cut yourself some slack and do a proper clean fortnightly instead? He could also help by whizzing the hoover round in between?

This is a great post, OP. DS is old enough to pull together as a team, in order to free up time and energy for things that mean more to you both or just to him.

Especially if you can make some of his jobs interesting

You may find this a bit of an eye opener but slagging your child’s other parents off is classed as child abuse. You don’t need to open his eyes, he is not stupid, he knows already what kind of parent he has and maybe trying to mask the situation to avoid further disappointment. If he doesn’t know yet, he will get to see it by the time he is 16, no need to hurt him twice as much just to put your point forward.

You may not be together any more but you two are still his only parents, if you teach him to despise him, he will but you would leave him worse off, it would hurt his mental health even more.

It is not divorce that damages children, what damages them is all the toxicity they get from their very own parents while they are trying to score points on each other.

Yes of course! It's going to hurt though. There's nothing you can do to shelter him from the hurt as he realises his dad isn't the superhero he idolised as a kid