Was I rude..? And what to do next?

Again, why is Sue a victim necessarily. I didn’t realise the ages so 56!!? If the partner is a similar age, is a capable women that can do her own house up- is that what you described? Why can’t Sue just tell him herself. Do they actually live together?

This is just as sexist, can’t she just stick up herself; how old is she?

Yanbu. People like him think they’re hilarious. You not only stood up for yourself but you also stood up for his poor wife too. I bet she’s sick of being at the butt of his jokes! Someone needed to let him know how annoying everyone thinks he is, so well done you.

Hardly, grow up! More like lack of female solidarity when there is an assumption the other woman is a bit pathetic putting up with this shit when in reality, especially if you don’t know the man very well and are not friends with him, the reality of the dynamics of their relationship is not known at all. Even putting all that bill shit aside not everyone makes the personal, political, people are not black and white in their thinking so they don’t even know themselves why they put up with something - in other people’s eyes.

Her medication is none of our business, neither is their shitty relationship and telling us she nearly kicked him out and framing it as a 'her' issue pissed me off
But you don't know, it may well be a 'her' problem! Can I ask if you know how hard it is to live with a severely depressed partner? I am guessing from this post that you don't! It is stressful, exhausting and emotionally draining.
The 'inappropriate' comments may be we his way of coping with what is a very dark situation.
Speaking to him like a child, swearing at him, making light of and weapons ing his private life, was bang out or order OP!

This is actually amazing. A man is a shit towards his partner, then weaponises her mental health to be a sexist shit towards another woman, and somehow it still becomes a woman's fault and a story of how women hate each other.

But I thought you said not to treat you like he is treating his girlfriend/partner- that is drawing her into as it makes it sound like she is a bit of a mug. In all honesty, she may deal with it entirely differently behind closed doors.

I understand why you said it but I don’t think his wife should be drawn into your comment. Comparing yourself to her makes you look like you think you are better than her and how’s that any better than his perceived behaviour towards his wife?

100% you were in the right! This sort of behaviour needs to be called out at every opportunity. Your only failing was that you didn’t call it out later. Don’t apologise to him or the other man you did nothing wrong.

I think it is a mistake not to follow up with him. It allows him to think you were just "being a moody cow" or whatever.

I would speak to him directly..." John. I left our last practice very annoyed and fed up as I'm sure you noticed! I was angry because I am not willing to tolerate being patronised when I am quite reasonably querying your behaviour. You were asked to stop playing and listen as you all needed to know that there was no practice next week. You just carried on. I am not willing to put up with that any more. Please let's move forward now but with no more patronising comments and all of us treating each other with respect!"

His response will tell you everything! And it might instigate a very short "last chance!"

You feel weird and awkward because the world is full of men like John and we've all been raised by them to believe women shouldn't raise their voices or argue back! Obviously I'm over simplifying things and I really believe things are getting better slowly but the only way they'll continue to get better is by us all showing the John's of the world that we won't be quiet and make our way back to the kitchen. Well done for telling him to fuck off. He thoroughly deserved it, and more.

I wouldn't want to be in a group with someone like that.

Quite frankly he needs to be told to fuck off more often. What a twat.

They sound like some biatxhessss

The fact it is a band is really relevant to advice because it isn't just 'a hobby' is it? If you are thinking in due course it might be a business, you need to be "working" with people that even if you don't love them aren't people you are actively hostile to or think are total twats.

You weren't unreasonable at all but I think you (all) need to get rid of John asap as it isn't a sustainable project with someone who is such a misogynist and talks to you like that.

If it was tennis or something, then it matters less because after the match is over its done. A band is more than a hobby and should be fun. It won't be fun with him so he needs to go.

YANBU. Tell us roughly where this happened so we can get to work on a blue plaque and/or statue.

But they are only talking musically not about his attitude. Your issue is mainly with his attitude. He's not going to change who he is and it sounds like he's never really going to be a good fit with you. But the other guys are already prioritising him over you and that's not a good place to be. I'm really sorry Op but I am concerned that you will end up being booted out of this band or just being very uncomfortable while in it because twat face is going to continue being a twat face and the other guys actually don't care about that. That's why they are focusing on the music side. But what is important is his attitude and his fit in the band and I think you are being positioned to be the disposable one.

Well done Op!