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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?

253 replies

NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 08:37

First time in trouble for any kind of physical altercation

My son is in year 8 and yesterday was pinned to the ground, twisting his wrist behind his back as he went down ( we went to a&e to have it checked after school as swollen and bruised ) and was then held down by this boy.

My son is 5 foot 5 and the other pupil is at least 5 foot 9 and a lot bigger built.

The boy was pinning him down with his legs trapped underneath him and his holding both of his arms on my sons right arm ( fingerprint bruising is visible because of this ) so my son used his left arm to hit out and hit the boys head.

Boy then get off and walks across the playground and son sits on a bench holding his sore arm.

The boy then returns, runs at him from the side view and punches down on my sons head.

SLT state both to be suspended due to violence.

I have started absolutely not, that the violence is on completely different levels and one was very much in self defence and one was completely premeditated.

I’ve sent in the complaint from from the schools complain procedure policy and I’ve CCd the SEN governors as my son has ADHD.

This happened at 11am yesterday and he spent the entire day in isolation, only being allowed to go to the lunch hall to get something to eat and then return to isolation.
Surely this is punishment enough for defending yourself whilst pinned to the ground?

Thoughts?
Anything else I could do? Thanks

OP posts:
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Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 18:40

I will be ready for this as seeing someone kicking your bottle does not give them the right to attack my pinning my son to the ground.

The bottle was on the floor - he could have picked it up and gone to tell a member of staff.
He doesn’t “ need “ to touch my son at all whereas my son absolutely did need to touch him as he was pinned down and couldn’t get him off by pushing and his legs were trapped.

OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 18:35

londonmummy1966 · 22/06/2024 18:32

I suspect that the school will tell you on Monday that whilst they could impose a lesser sanction for self defence they chose not to as your son was guilty of the initial provocation (kicking this boy's water bottle). His mother might also turn up on Monday morning aruing that he shouldn't be suspended as his behaviour was in response to provocation by your son. I suggest that you get your arguments ready for this.

exactly

the school were acting completely within their policy and they will refer to the “may” impose a “lesser sanction” explicit statement

the letter from the head will explain why

and i suspect that will be the end of the OP talking about “insisting” anything

out of interest op, are you still a SGL at a primary?

londonmummy1966 · 22/06/2024 18:32

I suspect that the school will tell you on Monday that whilst they could impose a lesser sanction for self defence they chose not to as your son was guilty of the initial provocation (kicking this boy's water bottle). His mother might also turn up on Monday morning aruing that he shouldn't be suspended as his behaviour was in response to provocation by your son. I suggest that you get your arguments ready for this.

Walkden · 22/06/2024 17:23

I'm afraid you don't get to " insist"that suspensions are lifted. If schools allowed parents to dictate sanctions and punishments there would be a sone badly behaved kids doing whatever they liked knowing that their parents would Back them no matter what they did.

Most schools sanction both parties in an altercation but usually if it is a first offence the sanction is pretty sortve.g internal suspension for a a few lessons or social times.

This escalates for pupils involved in multiple incidents

ExpressCheckout · 22/06/2024 17:20

kierenthecommunity · 22/06/2024 11:22

Because educators, and the police too, don’t want to criminalise 13 year olds unless it’s absolutely unavoidable.

The boy was way out of order and deserves punishing, and could be a serial bully which may justify a police interview.

Or he could be an ordinarily decent kid who just had a moment of madness and has never been in trouble before . In which case school sanctions should be sufficient surely?

Show quote history

I see your point, honestly, I do. But the level of violence which seems to have happened justifies intervention by the law.

Squabbles/pushing in the playground, fair enough. But pinning/restraining someone on the ground, leaving marks on the skin, that's assault.

Even if there is no formal police action - I agree it doesn't help to criminalise - but it would send a clear message to the child and parents.

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 17:08

ok so i’d chase if you haven’t received on monday

key is… they are acting within school policy

Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 17:00

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:50

less sanctions may be applied

you haven’t received anything in writing yet. When was he suspended?

ok so at least now you have established it is school policy

This happened yesterday.

I spoke to SLT at 1.30-2.15 and no other correspondence at all, nothing on his log system and nothing in writing

OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:51

NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:47

Nope I’ve received absolutely nothing

Where is it clear from their policy that a child with no history of violence so it can’t come under repeated behaviour or other sanctions haven’t worked etc?

Show quote history

because the mitigating factors don’t rule out suspension. They offer the possibility only of a “lesser sanction”

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:50

less sanctions may be applied

you haven’t received anything in writing yet. When was he suspended?

ok so at least now you have established it is school policy

Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:47

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:19

it is VERY clear then that the school were correct to suspend him as per their policy

have you received the written “specific procedures” from the head teacher that it refers to

And the list of “defence”… why is this listed? as reasons why they would not suspend?

Edited
Show quote history

Nope I’ve received absolutely nothing

Where is it clear from their policy that a child with no history of violence so it can’t come under repeated behaviour or other sanctions haven’t worked etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:46

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:39

an you post where it says that?

Show quote history

Attached

AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?
OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:39

NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:34

Sorry the list is for “ mitigating circumstances “

an you post where it says that?

BarHumbugs · 22/06/2024 16:36

The school is being totally unreasonable. If you are trapped and being hurt you do whatever you can to make it stop, or are they training the kids to withstand torture?

Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:34

Sorry the list is for “ mitigating circumstances “

OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:21

what is the context of this list?

AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:19

NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:15

Pages attached

it is VERY clear then that the school were correct to suspend him as per their policy

have you received the written “specific procedures” from the head teacher that it refers to

And the list of “defence”… why is this listed? as reasons why they would not suspend?

ooooohnoooooo · 22/06/2024 16:18

This happened to my gentle boy too - all on CCTV. He punched the little shit who had him by the throat against a wall.

When told that any violence wasn't acceptable I asked what the PE teacher I was talking to would do if someone had him pinned up against the wall, choking him, he shuffled around and looked embarrassed. They reduced my son's punishment.

Turn out the other child was very troubled so I didn't request any further sanctions against him and he left DS and his mates alone after that.

Told my boy that if the same thing happened that he had my permission to hit again. Self defence is OK I believe.

Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:15

Pages attached

AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?
AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?
AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?
AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?
OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:13

A school refers to being forced to suspend my son because of “school policy”

I damn well ask the school to show this documented policy immediately

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:12

you haven’t posted the relevant pages?

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:11

ok OP waiting for the policy….

because i can’t fathom this not being the very first thing you checked

Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:10

keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:01

ok so you took her word

but now you’re checking….

it will be online and take you a minute or two

I don’t know why there’s such a need for the argumentative tone.

Yes I took her word as I was quite shocked and surprised that this had happened and very worried about my son.

I was more interested in making sure that he wasn’t going to be given a suspension for defending himself than checking the behaviour policy.

Ive posted the relevant pages I’ve now found and it’s not massively clear but certainly doesn’t say “ any aggression “ is this line in the sand for a suspension as she indicated

OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 16:01

ok so you took her word

but now you’re checking….

it will be online and take you a minute or two

Original poster
NightmareATschool · 22/06/2024 16:00

I took her word when she said it was in the behaviour policy that any aggression was a “ line in the sand “ and warranted a suspension.

Bearing in mind I was called at 1.30pm, on the phone for 45 minutes before having to complete the online complaints form and lengthy email before leaving at 3 to collect son.

I then had to get him home, contact the police who told me to create an online report and email the school the reference number before we headed to a&e

OP posts:
keeptryinggirl · 22/06/2024 15:52

if it’s no where in the behaviour policy

then it is not the “school’s policy” and this would have been the very FIRST thing i’d have raised with the school

if it is in the school’s policy…. you don’t have a leg to stand on