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Original poster

Condescending phrases (lighthearted)

88 replies

FrenchFries2024 · 22/06/2024 08:05

I know these phrases are often meant in a friendly way and I am being pedantic here but AIBU to find these phrases condescending and low-grade irritating? 🙈🙈 (I suppose it is just a social interaction and I shouldn’t overthink it.)

  • ’hello/ hi there!’ (Neighbour - please just say my name - I am not called ‘there’!
  • …and ‘how are we today?’ - I want to say, ‘well, I can’t answer for you but I am very well, thanks’.

i know, not a big thing at all in the grand scheme of things but I find it condescending probably because I don’t really like the woman much. (She acts superior). If someone nice said it, I s’pose I wouldn’t mind.

Any other things people say you find annoying?? Do you remark on it to them? How can one do that without sounding a bit of a dick yourself? 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Cattery · 22/06/2024 09:30

Demonhunter · 22/06/2024 08:24

Do you know what condescending means? The things you've described, I can't see how it's applicable. What am I missing?

It’s hardly condescending is it. It’s irritating

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 22/06/2024 09:29

SOxon · 22/06/2024 09:09

OP, here as in other towns, the usual greeting from under 40’s I would say, whether in a professional, store, casual setting is ‘r u ok there?’ or ‘r u alright’ occasionally shortened to ‘alright’ - similar to the French informal ‘ca va?’ - drives us nuts - we much prefer the ‘good morning Mrs Oxon, how are you today.’ - even better if they raise their hat and bow slightly at the same time!

Wonderful!

Luio · 22/06/2024 09:29

Tagging a no onto the end of a sentence to turn it into a question. It comes across as so condescending e.g. Marriage before children is always better, no? There is an implication that you are an ignorant fool if you don’t agree with the person. One of my friends does it all the time, usually when she is moralising about something, and it instantly makes me want to disagree with her.

gardenmusic · 22/06/2024 09:28

NeverDropYourMooncup,

I know what you mean - I don't call out the 'Ah Bless-ers', but it's because I think it is coming from a kind thought. Still want to slap them, though.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/06/2024 09:26

'Aww, you're so sweet' directed at me or 'Aww, she's so lovely!' about me.

No, I'm not. I'm a fucking twat. I just can't be arsed to be a dick to people if they aren't actively being a dick towards me - and even then, it still depends on whether I can be bothered.

HuevoRanchero · 22/06/2024 09:26

FrenchFries2024 · 22/06/2024 09:14

🤣🤣
i think this may very well be my issue. I expect undue deference as if I am a lady in a Jane Austen novel or something. 🙈
(Perhaps having been an English Literature lecturer for over 20 years now perhaps means I am more fit for 18th/19th century than 21st.)🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

I’ve been an Eng Lit lecturer for 25 years, and have taught a lot of Austen, but don’t expect ‘deference!’

gardenmusic · 22/06/2024 09:24

Usually said by 'trainers' young enough to be my highly experienced team's grandchild:
'Let's have some blue sky thinking. Let's brainstorm this' 'Yeah!'

Let's not. Let's have a coffee and discuss some ideas.

HuevoRanchero · 22/06/2024 09:24

minipie · 22/06/2024 08:48

Oh I thought this was going to be about phrases like “you do you” which I always find faintly patronising. Not “hello there” Confused

Or ‘Bless!’, which makes me want to throw things.

Original poster
FrenchFries2024 · 22/06/2024 09:14

SOxon · 22/06/2024 09:09

OP, here as in other towns, the usual greeting from under 40’s I would say, whether in a professional, store, casual setting is ‘r u ok there?’ or ‘r u alright’ occasionally shortened to ‘alright’ - similar to the French informal ‘ca va?’ - drives us nuts - we much prefer the ‘good morning Mrs Oxon, how are you today.’ - even better if they raise their hat and bow slightly at the same time!

🤣🤣
i think this may very well be my issue. I expect undue deference as if I am a lady in a Jane Austen novel or something. 🙈
(Perhaps having been an English Literature lecturer for over 20 years now perhaps means I am more fit for 18th/19th century than 21st.)🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
gardenmusic · 22/06/2024 09:12

45? Oh dear. Plumbs are coming for you...

Devilsmommy · 22/06/2024 09:11

butterpuffed · 22/06/2024 09:04

'Use some boundaries' . Various expressions using the word 'boundaries' .

Mumsnet could enter and win the Guinness World Record for the number of times 'boundaries' has been used ! 😅

And triggering, don't forget that🤣

SOxon · 22/06/2024 09:11

gardenmusic · 22/06/2024 08:59

Take a breath before you read this one:
'Smile!'

Smile it may never happen - could elicit the response ‘thats whats making me gloomy!’

SOxon · 22/06/2024 09:09

OP, here as in other towns, the usual greeting from under 40’s I would say, whether in a professional, store, casual setting is ‘r u ok there?’ or ‘r u alright’ occasionally shortened to ‘alright’ - similar to the French informal ‘ca va?’ - drives us nuts - we much prefer the ‘good morning Mrs Oxon, how are you today.’ - even better if they raise their hat and bow slightly at the same time!

Original poster
FrenchFries2024 · 22/06/2024 09:09

These are great examples! Thank you. 😊

Yes, ‘you do you’ and others PP have mentioned are definitely higher on the list of annoyance!

i think I may be entering grumpy old woman territory at the grand old age of 45 and should indeed stay indoors and become a hermit as one pp suggested. 🤣

i will endeavour to maintain perspective! (‘O teach me how I should forget to think!’)

OP posts:
RefusingToPlayYourGames · 22/06/2024 09:09

"Ah, bless you"
"You're doing well"
"You've got this"(whatever the fuck that's meant to mean)
"Take your time"

All said to me, as I'm 65 and apparently at the end of my life................

Calling · 22/06/2024 09:08

A doctor with his students asked me when I was hospitalised with an infection: "and how are our water works today?" I had to stop myself from making a sarcastic and very tetchy riposte.

Tealangel · 22/06/2024 09:07

@Lurkingandlearning "”hello there” gave me the image of someone calling across a ravine or to someone far away on a moor. A land version of “ship ahoy” 😀"

that really made me laugh! 🤣

butterpuffed · 22/06/2024 09:04

'Use some boundaries' . Various expressions using the word 'boundaries' .

Mumsnet could enter and win the Guinness World Record for the number of times 'boundaries' has been used ! 😅

Greaterorlesser · 22/06/2024 09:03

Smile it might never happen

oh bless

well we do what we can

Confusionn · 22/06/2024 09:03

One phrase I absolutely hate with a passion and it actually boils my blood, is when some well meaning semi stranger says "you'll have your hands full" when they see you out with your children.
So unhelpful and patronising.

gardenmusic · 22/06/2024 08:59

Take a breath before you read this one:
'Smile!'

whosthefoolnow · 22/06/2024 08:58

I dislike "no offence but..." and then they say the most offensive thing. It's like the phrase gives them permission to be cruel and get away with it. Sorry, not very lighthearted.

gardenmusic · 22/06/2024 08:56

'Ah, bless'.
As you age, you will be 'ah bless - ed' a lot.
It is making me angry, together with Plumbs and funeral plans.

Lurkingandlearning · 22/06/2024 08:55

”hello there” gave me the image of someone calling across a ravine or to someone far away on a moor. A land version of “ship ahoy” 😀

NeverNap · 22/06/2024 08:52

I also dislike ‘chin up’ when someone is going through something awful. It sounds dismissive.

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