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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel despair at the thought of having to work for another 18 years?

67 replies

Outor · 21/06/2024 23:18

I am 52. I am deep in perimenopause, helped only partially by hrt, my ageing parents both have dementia, my kids are navigating A levels/university, my line manager is a bully, my job is stressful and I am fucking knackered. I never could afford to buy a home so I'll be paying (thankfully cheap as it's HA ) rent until I die. When I got my first job women's state pension age was 60. Now it's 67 but if I want to have any kind of tolerable retirement at all I'm going to have to work a couple of years at least past that to bung as much as I can into my pension - which I've only had for ten years because previous employers either didn't have one or had one that went under when the company did. I honestly think I'll be on my knees by then. I'm already tired! How much more tired will I be in 15, 16, 17 + years' time?

It's just shit.

OP posts:
anotherdayinbarbados · 22/06/2024 07:07

Can you take a bit of time off work and have a rest and then think about how you can sort things out?

If you are involved in your parent's care you will be very exhausted and drained with everything that is going on.

I was bullied in the workplace and managed to find another job and left and it was one of the best things I did.

I hope things work out for you

EveningSpread · 22/06/2024 06:53

I’m sorry you’re feeling like that OP! My mum is 59 and feels exactly the same. She’s exhausted from what feels like a lifetime of bringing up kids, then looking after elderly parents. The pressures on women outside of work just don’t ease up - people don’t see how much you do and how hard it is. Sending hugs.

Is it realistic to change job or go part time? Is there any opportunity for outside work pressures to ease up - anything you can say no to?

I’m 34, have been working and/or studying since I was 15, and will have to keep working for at least as long as I’ve already been alive. It’s a daunting prospect, and I fear I’ll be in the same position in the future! The people I know who cope are those who manage to find enjoyment in life and their jobs still. I think it’s easier when you’re not running on empty.

DrinkUpBabyDown · 22/06/2024 06:49

Miley1967 · 21/06/2024 23:28

I feel the same. I'm 56 and need to try to keep going until 62 at least. I do have an NHS pension I can take at 60. I think the key is switching to a job you can keep going in for longer. I switched from Nursing about 5 years ago and my current job is the kind of easy job I can fortunately keep doing for another few years. It is hard to keep going each day when you are exhausted. Fortunately in my current job no-one really cares much if you turn up a bit late or leave a bit earlier as long as the work gets done. Currently supporting two kids at Uni and an elderly dad.

Edited

What is your job? My job is also exhausting me and what you describe is what I want.

HaPPy8 · 22/06/2024 06:48

I agree with those saying look for a new job. Whilst it may not be easy to walk into something new as you say, 18 years is a long long time - almost half of a working life!!! You’ve got to live the days of those 18 years as much as possible. It’s a massive chunk of your life.

UnpackingBooksFromBoxes · 22/06/2024 06:44

We’ve all got crap we’re dealing with. I hope sharing has helped. I’m 53, have YOPD and changed jobs 2 years ago, best thing I did. Stating the obvious but only you can make the change happen. Have a word with yourself.

Danfromdownunder · 22/06/2024 01:44

Go and see the dr about the sleep. I’m exactly the same age as you though I think I’d be mostly post menopausal now. The lack of sleep nearly killed me. I would wake and just quietly weep I was too tired to even proper cry. Dr gave me a series of sleeping pills 7 days then a short break then another 7 and a longer break then a final 7 and it did seem to reset me a bit. I also bought a super fancy new bed mattress while has helped heaps.
Cant help with the work I’m aiming to be part time in 5 years I hope but it probably won’t happen.

coxesorangepippin · 22/06/2024 01:42

Yeah I agree

It's totally rubbish

Notstopoil · 22/06/2024 01:42

I think you need to find a new job? I don’t particularly like the idea of working another 20 years, would happily do other things, but it doesn’t make me despair

DilemmaDelilah · 22/06/2024 01:40

I'm 63
I have cancer
I don't get my state pension until July 2027
I can't afford not to work
I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 3 years!

Original poster
Outor · 22/06/2024 00:04

LameBorzoi · 21/06/2024 23:38

You've only got one life, so don't hang about plodding into retirement.

Get your hrt sorted. Find a new job. Preferably one with fewer hours. Get regular exercise, and make sure you are eating properly.

You shouldn't be knackered at 52.

I'm not plodding so much as lurching. At age 52 I'm not going to just waltz into a new job that pays full time wage for part time hours, and certainly not one that will have a decent enough pension to compensate for switching plans at this stage. Hrt means things are better than they were - a year ago I was suicidal. Now I'm just quietly despairing. I can't get my sleep sorted is the big thing and it's been going on so long it feels like I live a different life to everyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outor · 21/06/2024 23:51

At least I'm not alone. I'm sorry others are struggling too.

It's too long to keep on working. I look at colleagues who are in their mid sixties and they are really not coping well at all. We might be living longer but we're not fit for work for longer.

OP posts:
RM2013 · 21/06/2024 23:47

I hear you. Perimenopause has been tough. Have had to tweak my HRT but it’s helping. I’m in the same role but changed my work environment/hours 3 years ago as I’d have had a breakdown if I’d continued working 12 hour shifts on a ward. I was close to quitting but can’t afford to. Feeling better now although I really wish I was retired already!! I’m 50 and DH 56 but we will be working for the foreseeable

LameBorzoi · 21/06/2024 23:38

You've only got one life, so don't hang about plodding into retirement.

Get your hrt sorted. Find a new job. Preferably one with fewer hours. Get regular exercise, and make sure you are eating properly.

You shouldn't be knackered at 52.

SherrieElmer · 21/06/2024 23:34

Life is hard, but remember: you still live better than 80% of human population.

chillidoritto · 21/06/2024 23:31

I would look at changing my HRT if it was that bad!

Miley1967 · 21/06/2024 23:28

I feel the same. I'm 56 and need to try to keep going until 62 at least. I do have an NHS pension I can take at 60. I think the key is switching to a job you can keep going in for longer. I switched from Nursing about 5 years ago and my current job is the kind of easy job I can fortunately keep doing for another few years. It is hard to keep going each day when you are exhausted. Fortunately in my current job no-one really cares much if you turn up a bit late or leave a bit earlier as long as the work gets done. Currently supporting two kids at Uni and an elderly dad.

Noddedoffagain · 21/06/2024 23:22

Perimenopause sucks. I agree it’s going to be a hard slog. I’m lucky to work part time but if I didn’t I’d be off sick by now. I wish I had some amazing financial advice to give you but I don’t. I just wanted to let you know I feel the same.