If you went NC with a parent did you ever regret it?

Been NC with a ‘parent’ for 22 years. I it regret I didn’t do it sooner. Dread the impending death of a shared relative whose funeral I will NOT be able to avoid.

I wonder this too. I’m VLC with one parent. I think I would feel more peaceful if I was NC but can’t quite bring myself to do it. My biggest angst is worrying about them getting in touch.

Dies not does

Dh is in a cycle of no contact with his mother and will go years without talking and then try and make contact again just to realise nothings changed, go through all the emotions all over again and decide no more.
And repeat.
He can't seem to accept that she won't change and although I've never met her I've seen her break his heart over and over from a distance.
I'd never say it but I think he would suffer less if he found the strength to walk away but he lives in hope that one day he'll find the mum he needs in her.
He will absolutely be devastated when she does because there will be no more hope.

No regrets 15 years ago, should have done it sooner, frankly. Adult kids, they knew why, left it to them to decide if they wanted contact. Grandkids knew why as well. This was MIL, DH made the decision (although they imagined it was me) he added his siblings who surprisingly took her side . life is much more pleasant,he had serious phobias and anxiety before.

The poster probably felt more context was needed before offering an opinion. There’s lots of different levels of crime, and I guess some ‘crimes’ can be worked through with therapy and talking. But you don’t really need an excuse to go nc. If it’s what you want to do, and your life will be happier for it, then do it.

It's also difficult because a lot of posters have suffered life times of abuse from their parents so NC and death was a relief etc.

Reading between the lines this is not the case with you (or me) we had, on the whole, normal loving family relationships which were blown apart suddenly.

It's very difficult to get your head around and accept it.

I spent many years longing for the past to be my reality again, the only words of comfort I can give you OP is that it does get easier with time.

I went NC with my father in my early twenties and felt a lot of guilt and what ifs for nearly 10 years. After that length of time it felt as if he was already dead so when he did eventually die I felt absolutely nothing. No regrets though, he was a nasty man who lashed out at us all whilst being charming and lovely to strangers.

No regrets here. At all. There was a period of mourning, almost, at the start, but more for how I wish things could have been rather than how they actually were. Then it just felt a huge relief and weight off.

The reminders of what should have been are hard 😞

I missed the idea of having a mum, if you know what I mean. I cried once, seeing another woman's mum helping her with her baby, making her take a rest while the baby was looked after by grandma for a while. I never had that. My mother resented the fact that a baby made me less available to run round after her and reacted by trying even harder to be difficult. But I didn't miss her as a person and don't miss her now she's dead. I do sometimes feel a pang when I see grandmothers looking after grandchildren but remind myself that her presence caused increased stress, not an opportunity to take a break.

My only regret is that I didn’t go NC sooner. Best thing I ever did.

I am pretty sure that when/if my mother ever dies, I will just feel relief that she can’t hurt people any more.

This was the same for DH when FIL died. To be honest FIL was a complete stranger by that stage having been NC for years and years. He died in DH eyes long ago. We didn't go to the funeral and DH has no regrets. He did his grieving years ago when FIL was still alive.

Not ever. Well apart from the fact she died 6 years later and left 400k to the next door neighbour who she’d known a couple of years 😂

No regrets at all.

Never.
It was the best thing I could have done for myself.
🙂

No regrets.
They’ve been dead 5 years
I didn’t attend the funeral either.

they actually got much worse at the end and I had multiple relatives trying to shame me into contact.

You do what you need to. Ignore the noise from others.

That's a really lovely way of explaining a very sad situation 💐

Ah yes I think it's more the grieving of what should have been that is the worst.

I kind of feel like my life has split in two. Before the incident and after, I often think of things in this context.
It's very difficult OP, you are not alone

I’ve been nc with one for about 5 years, vlc with the other. It was very painful at first but I started getting times where it was so peaceful. I still struggle periodically with guilt. Right now the first one is dying and I feel very little, although that may change of course. It’s a decision that only you can make. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

What was the crime?