If you went NC with a parent did you ever regret it?

I’m NC with my Dad - it was a pretty mutual choice when I was 11 when our relationship just clearly wasn’t ever going to work and he tried to turn me against my Mum who’d raised me basically solo because he was useless.

I absolutely do not at all regret it and I am so glad I don’t have him in my life. He’s still alive so I can’t say how I’ll feel when he’s dead but he’s even less than a stranger to me now so I can’t see myself feeling any different.

YES defo

No regrets, one is now dead, the other will likely pass away in the next year or so as I know they are very unwell.
I accepted that I was sad about the loss of the relationship I thought we had or I wanted to have not the one that existed, they were not the people I thought or hoped they were. The situation has caused me to be NC with siblings too as through it I realised they were also not the people I thought they were and we did not have the relationship I thought we did.
Once I took the emotion out of it and accepted this is just how it factually is I realised how much better my life was not having them in it.

Again, your experience was ok. But you must be living under a rock for the last 20 years if you don't know about everyone else. And tbh, it must be hugely insulting to the victims to hear someone come out with crap like 'nobody knows the full picture '. Babies dumped in sewage tank fgs. Just be thankful you weren't one of them and don't go around lecturing people. It's really not a good look.

Nope, never regretted it for a moment. He was dangerous and my life was
better and safer for not having him in it. He died a few years ago. It wasn’t sudden and I’d have had time to see him if I’d wanted to, but I had nothing I wanted to say to him. I didn’t wish him any pain & I’d let go of any anger and hurt I’d had many years earlier. But it would have been knocking on the door of a complete stranger.

When he died I didn’t feel anything for a few days, then I did get a bit upset, but part of it was sadness at the sheer bloody waste of the family he’d had and the rest was guilt for not feeling anything. I didn’t go to the funeral and I don’t regret that either. Nor did I accept any of the money left over once his estate was settled.

I know it sounds obvious but you can only go by your own feelings. There are lots of people who subscribe to the ‘oh but you only get one mum/dad’ or ‘I’d do anything to have my parent back with me’ but you absolutely cannot listen to them because they didn’t have your parent. And the same goes for listening to people like me. God forbid but you could cut ties and they could get hit by a bus the next day and you could be wracked with regret for the rest of your life.

The only advice I’ll give is to tell yourself they have a week to live. How do you feel? Is there anything you want to say to them? do you wish you could turn the clock back and hug them again? Or do you feel grief but resolute that those ties had to be cut? Would some counselling help, do you think? Not to advise you but to sort out your feelings in your own head?

I've been no contact with my dad since I was 18, so 18 years ago. No regrets. He brought nothing positive to my life and I don't miss him. If he died, I'd feel nothing. That's how I know it was the right decision.

@BoundaryGirl3939 your posts come across as very judgmental here. I’m sorry.

Again Daniel, please don't judge. Nobosy knows the full picture. My own mother was in a mother/baby home and had a baby out of wedlock in the early 70s in Ireland. The nuns were kind to her and took care of her. She doesnt look back with anger. Her own family rejected her. I think we have a lot of preconceived beliefs about people's actions and intentions.

Which is great for you. But we're not all Catholic. It's great that you found a path to peace, but tbh I wouldn't go lecturing others on it coming from a Catholic standpoint. Ask all the victims of the mother and baby homes how forgiving they feel.

Last message I will post - I think forgiveness is important as it allows you to move on and heal. I did a lot of self healing work (through Catholicism - eek) last year. I just couldn't get over a hump and I realised that it all came back to my bitterness and resentment towards parents. There would be no peace until I forgave so I went through a process of buying books on forgiveness and trying to forgive. I did manage to forgive a good chunk and my life has felt better since. I think my relationships with friends and colleagues has improved as I'm not as easily hurt.

Ah. I would trust your feelings on this one in that case. The person isn’t who you thought they were and this has understandably shattered you to the point it’s difficult to have an ongoing relationship. Perhaps they used to be the person you once loved but for some reason something changed that made this crime possible.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I am sure it won’t be done lightly.

I’ve been NC with one of my parents for over 15 years now, and have yet to regret it. I don’t think I ever will.

Sorry to hear you went through that. I think it's exceptionally hard to forgive a narcisstic family member or any kind of abuse. I don't mean to judge anyone for not forgiving. I haven't fully forgiven people in my own life either. It is exceptionally hard.

I’ve been NC for about 8 years and have regrets in some ways. Regrets my children don’t have a grandparent or if I see my sister having that relationship that I don’t have.

But ultimately my life is better without the toxicity.

I think I’ll be sad when he dies but I don’t have it in me to reconnect.

I don’t take my parent's actions personally, why would I their behaviour is about their own issues, but their behaviour and my brother’s behaviour harmed me as a person, so same way I would protect myself from a punch in the face I protect myself from my family’s deep dysfunction. I think people need to handle trauma their own way and I think with the complexity of people there is not one way to do that.

No, it’s been 9 years and I’ve made my peace with it. They are still alive so I don’t know how I’ll feel for sure when they die.
I don’t feel guilty as I couldn’t expose my own children to what I experienced.

I heard of a lady who forgave her drug addicted mother for selling her daughter into child prostitution. How she forgave, I don't know. But I think there is a spiritual release or healing when you do it. You develop compassion for their brokenness and it brings healing into your own life and relationship.

Everyone is different I suppose? I won't be forgiving anything and I don't feel bad about it.

I've not talked to my dad for over two years. It was a mutual thing. His wife was always cruel towards me and I put up with it because I wanted him in my life, but decided to pipe up when I wanted to start a family of my own; I couldn't have her treat my kids like that. I told him how I was feeling in person and he was so sad and apologetic. A couple of days later he texted me like nothing had happened. I messaged back saying I don't want our conversation to be ignored, I would like things to change and he completely blew up at me, phoned me up shouting and swearing at me and his abusive messages to me are in my whatsapp archive. He sent flying monkeys to me a couple of months after and I'm aware of the story he's spun on this, painting me as a mentally ill villain and has pretty much shut me out of that side of the family.

I think about it all day, every day. It's completely broken me. But I know that if I tried to reach out it'd likely cause more upset. Even though I still don't have kids, I can't say that I regret speaking up for myself which lead to us both cutting off contact, even though our relationship falling apart lead to my heart breaking which took an enormous toll on the rest of my life I'm still recovering from. I dont think I could ever regret protecting myself from someone capable of causing so much upset and ruin.

Yes I can see how a poster might ask the nature of the crime to get a feel as to whether NC of a previously close and happy relationship would be regretted later on.

If it was a white collar crime at work at a large organisation with good insurance, I’d be angry with them for minimising it and putting their family under stress with court but would probably eventually focus on the close relationship we had before.
If it was a crime that hurt a vulnerable dependent of some kind - that for me would be NC territory, even with a previous close relationship and I can’t see how I would ever regret it.

You absolutely don't have to put up with abuse. Forgiveness sets you free though. Never take your parents actions personally. You forgive to release your own resentment and bitterness. I still have a lot of forgiving to do but I definitely feel lighter since I started to process of forgiveness last year. People carry their own trauma and project it onto their children.