To be annoyed at SIL-to-be?

Yabu. She is the bride - why would she want the grooms side of the family in the bridal party?? Weird. Your BIL should include them if he can be bothered. Same with the hen do. It's meant to be HER friends and family not his unless she happens to be really close to them.

I agree, am flummoxed by the ops position , hurt and reading so much into it. There is over sensitive and then there is this.

Well my SIL didn't even invite me to her wedding, and I had been married to her brother for twenty-odd years, let alone her hen do...

It would have been nice if your side of the family could have had a role at the wedding though. SIL didn't do that either even though she demanded to be a bridesmaid at our wedding before I'd had the chance to ask (I was going to, for the sake of form!)

Saves you the hassle and expense. You know where you stand. You're probably never going to have a close relationship with this one.

I don't think she has to invite the groom's family to her hen. Maybe she can't relax if you're all there.

Don't go above and beyond for her.

You said yourself you see your brother a couple of times a year. Clearly you are not that close, how well do you and future SIL even know each other? Also it is up to your brother to involve his family in the wedding if he wants to.

Hen do - fine, it's not like you are friends

Involving your DC - that's your brother's fault. He is perfectly capable of telling his bride that he wants them.

Having been in her position, my DH insisted on the flower girls. Which was fine but we both regretted it as they upstaged us in every photo by being so bloody cute.

Yes, exactly this.

Doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with her so I don't know why you'd want or expect to be invited?

I'd be delighted to be as uninvolved as possible, brilliant, less hassle for me. Are you involved in their lives much? Mine both live hundreds of miles away so I wouldn't expect an invitation but if you see each other regularly then maybe it's a bit weird.

I have three brothers and none of their wives invited me to their hen parties. Why should they? I wasn't a close or long-time friend of any of them at the time so having me there would have changed the dynamic.

Doesn't sound like you're actual friends. I would only want friends at my hen do.

Also, no point in saying "so that's fair enough" while being obviously annoyed. Their wedding, their choices.

YABU!!! The hen do is a celebration for the hen, with her friends. Every hen I have been on, including my own, was ALL friends, no family unless they were ALSO CLOSE, we went away or got shit faced on a night out and had a great time.

There is NO way I could have had fun with my in laws!! What batshit idea of a hen do is it when you have to invite in laws???

And DH involved his family on our wedding day. That was his job (which he did do and everyone was happy).

Personally I wouldn't want my MIL and SIL at my hen do but I would suggest doing a nice afternoon tea as a hen event (with bridesmaids)

She probably wants to have fun day, not overthinking how her MIL and you will judge how much she drinks, what she laughs about etc.
Imo inviting only your friends to your hen do is amazing.
If you wamt a day at the spa with your mum book one.

Blimey, I didn’t even consider inviting my in laws. Didn’t even know that was a thing, It wasn’t a slur on them.

Has she invited her own mum/sisters to the hen, or just friends? Is she only having adult bridesmaids?

Do either you or your mum have a friendship with her? If you don’t particularly then I really can’t see why it’s an issue not to have invited you or your mum. I go out of my way to avoid hen parties in general, but the two I had no option but to go (for very specific reasons) no one’s parents or siblings-in-law were there at all.

It’s rude not to invite you but I voted yabu as like you said it’s her wedding.

not that I agree with what she’s done but… what can you do? Just try and keep the peace for your relationship with your brother.

I didn’t have my mil at my proper hen but had a smaller one at home she came to.