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Original poster

To ask when you knew you had to split

164 replies

WishIwasmumsy · 21/06/2024 14:11

I had my husband back after a trial separation, we told the kids he was looking after grandparents house so never actually told them we were splitting. Since having him back I am regretting my decision, nothing has changed. He is still so lazy and goes out all the time. Last week he went to 2 gigs and was rough the following days and tonight he has just asked if he can go to one as he has been offered tickets. This will mean he will not come home from work, I think this time I am even more unhappy than last time. We don't talk anymore, I just go to bed as I am tired or just avoiding him. Our kids ae 6 and 3 and I just want what is best for them.

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 23/06/2024 12:34

@BigBoysDontCry

Can't your children take on some of the chores?

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 12:33

tothelefttotheleft · 23/06/2024 12:29

@WishIwasmumsy

What happens to a man when he doesn't have sex?!?!

I always thought it was nothing.....

Apparently if we had sex more he would help around the house

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 23/06/2024 12:29

@WishIwasmumsy

What happens to a man when he doesn't have sex?!?!

I always thought it was nothing.....

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 12:24

Sensitive2024 · 23/06/2024 12:21

@WishIwasmumsy how where things for you when you separated for a bit. ?

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Things felt a lot more manageable as he always said I needed to drop my expectations and then I would never feel let down. I dropped all expectations and felt more at ease. I am not innocent in this and I need to point out that he has never physically hurt me, other than the incident this morning and smacking my bum so hard it left a handprint, the odd finger pointing in face and swearing etc.

OP posts:
SunTanningToday · 23/06/2024 12:23

Why don’t you both go back to “I love this woman” then discuss how it’s displayed?

Sensitive2024 · 23/06/2024 12:21

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 12:17

I wouldnt say so no, I drink too much wine I know that and I know it needs to stop, it has been on my mind for a while and know I need to cut it out.

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@WishIwasmumsy how where things for you when you separated for a bit. ?

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 12:17

Sensitive2024 · 23/06/2024 12:14

Is this actually true though? I know you said your not drunk every night. But are you drunk often?

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I wouldnt say so no, I drink too much wine I know that and I know it needs to stop, it has been on my mind for a while and know I need to cut it out.

OP posts:
Prelapsarianhag · 23/06/2024 12:16

I have read his thread. What a horrible little fucker he is. He has invaded your space and deliberately posted to try to bring you down - that is not the action of someone who loves you. Kick his nasty arse to the kerb, you will be happier without this manipulative sex pest in your life. Stay strong.

Sensitive2024 · 23/06/2024 12:14

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:22

Or maybe he is better off with the kids as I am constantly drunk? im literally heartbroke

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Is this actually true though? I know you said your not drunk every night. But are you drunk often?

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 12:13

I do understand that men need affection, of course I do, but here are my daily tasks:

Get up with the kids every morning
Make their breakfast
Take them to school/nursery
go to work
pick them up from school/nursery
Make their tea
Wonder what time he is coming home as I never know
bath them
get their clothes ready for the following day
open wine usually between making tea (which I am aware has to absolutely stop, I am not in denial about this)

OP posts:
Lovelynames123 · 23/06/2024 12:08

Had this myself with the sex, these men don't see that their behaviour makes them completely repulsive and the last thing we want to do is have sex with them!

End it, nothing will improve, a man who thinks sex from his wife is his right and sulks about it is disgusting

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 12:01

He is also not addressing the sex thing. He seems to answer everything else but that.

@Pumpkinpie1
I actively encourage her to go out and do things because I agree with you, she went to Belfast a couple of weekends ago and i was over the moon because its healthy to have your own time and she knows she can have that whenever she wants
I dont think the household tasks should be done by her and I havent blamed anyone
I'm not here to defend myself which is why I have only written facts

This doesnt work for what I wanted to attempt to achieve when theres clearly another post that people are referring to thanks to those that have responded based on what I've said

He says he was happy for me to go to Belfast with my friends but the night before he told me hoped my plane would crash?

OP posts:
Bingbong2024 · 23/06/2024 11:54

Doing the best for your children is not staying in a relationship that makes you miserable. It's setting an example about what is acceptable and showing them that it's ok to advocate for yourself and make yourself happy so you, in turn, can be a better parent. He is taking no accountability so show him the door and do things on your own terms. It's not easy but do it for you, your children are watching you, lead them well. Much love to you x

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:50

Even on my working days, I get up, get the kids dressed, give them their breakfast whilst he watches videos on his phone in bed. He says he has got up but I honestly dont remember when he did. Maybe I have a memory issue or something or probably because I am constantly drunk.

I know I need to cut down on wine, that is my main focus, I do think I will be a lot happier on my own and regardless of how unhappy I have been, I should not drink wine to take that away. That is my first step.

OP posts:
Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:40

Ottervision · 23/06/2024 11:35

I'm taking his post with a pinch of salt. I struggle to believe if you were drunk every day he wouldn't have spoken to you about this. I could be wrong. His post is very woe is me and weirdly enough he's not mentioned the videos.

Regardless of whose post we believe the most of, neither of you are happy so my answer remains the same in that I think you should split

He has just said it isnt true that he physically hurt me, that might be a bit extreme as I tried to walk past him on the stairs, without saying excuse me and he elbowed my leg. He is lying about the sex stuff, I asked him this morning if we had sex more he automatically clean up/help more and he said yes. He has sent 3 videos in the past 24 hours of what lack of sex does to a man. When he says I asked him to stop showing me affection, I wanted him to stop smacking my bum every time I bent down. I think what he has posted this morning is something I cannot forgive him for.

OP posts:
Ottervision · 23/06/2024 11:35

I'm taking his post with a pinch of salt. I struggle to believe if you were drunk every day he wouldn't have spoken to you about this. I could be wrong. His post is very woe is me and weirdly enough he's not mentioned the videos.

Regardless of whose post we believe the most of, neither of you are happy so my answer remains the same in that I think you should split

LadyLolaRuben · 23/06/2024 11:34

Name change OP and continue on here, you need the support. Regardless of what he posts the relationship is toxic and needs to end for both your sakes. He needs to leave today x

ILoveNigelTufnel · 23/06/2024 11:26

This is just awful. I know everyone is able to use Mumsnet etc but him starting a thread on here feels very manipulative and an attempt to isolate @WishIwasmumsy from any support network.

Don’t leave - name change and change your password so he can’t access it.

It sounds like an awful relationship, put yourself and the children first.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:22

Sensitive2024 · 23/06/2024 11:17

That's exactly what he wants.

@WishIwasmumsy when did the changes happen. He seems to be saying a year ago ?

Honestly even with his posts. It's still the same answer. He needs to leave your better on your own .

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Or maybe he is better off with the kids as I am constantly drunk? im literally heartbroke

OP posts:
Sensitive2024 · 23/06/2024 11:17

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:11

Yes, I am really upset that he has created a post. I think I am going to leave mumsnet now

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That's exactly what he wants.

@WishIwasmumsy when did the changes happen. He seems to be saying a year ago ?

Honestly even with his posts. It's still the same answer. He needs to leave your better on your own .

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2024 11:13

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:11

Yes, I am really upset that he has created a post. I think I am going to leave mumsnet now

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Don't leave name change and don't post anything about him.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:11

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2024 11:10

Yes he is saying she's drunk most of the time but the dual posting is just to get posters to "take sides". This marraige sounds toxic.

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Yes, I am really upset that he has created a post. I think I am going to leave mumsnet now

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 23/06/2024 11:10

Hiphopopotamonster · 23/06/2024 11:08

Is the alcohol part of what he writes true OP?

Yes he is saying she's drunk most of the time but the dual posting is just to get posters to "take sides". This marraige sounds toxic.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 11:09

Hiphopopotamonster · 23/06/2024 11:08

Is the alcohol part of what he writes true OP?

I do like a wine yes, I do not drink every night though, and now I have seen he see's it as an issue I will stop as I didn't realise it was an issue. I am not drunk every night.

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamonster · 23/06/2024 11:08

Is the alcohol part of what he writes true OP?