To ask when you knew you had to split

Is he still with you ?

I hope @WishIwasmumsy is safe

Did MN ban him @WishIwasmumsy or just delete his thread?

What I mean is, is he still reading this?

The relationship is over.

Oh right - so him not being a lazy slob who needs picking up after is your reward for having sex? Well, aren’t you the lucky one?! He needs to give his head a wobble. Helping around the house is his obligation as a fellow adult. He’s using it as a way of getting more sex and it’s pathetic. God, no wonder you’re sick of him and don’t want to have sex with him.

I'm sure you'll feel the need to drink less once you get this twat out.

I thought that too. if the videos are from YouTube then please report the videos to. Arsehole incel men are obviously using these videos to control women into getting sex. And what actually does happen to men in these videos who don't get sex? oh let's guess, their testicals probably explode.
Definitely LTB op.

He's trying to prepare you for forceful sex.

He did something that many people would have divorced him for. I stayed. Then he said something that was so unforgivable it was all over. When you know you know.

Staying with their father when you feel like this is NOT what is best for them.

So the other thread has been deleted.

I could give you and him a whole load of advice and sympathy, but I don't think it would help.

He is at heart a "traditional" man or a "misogynist", depending on which way you look at it. Deep down, he believes it is a woman's job to care for the house and children, and provide sex. Anything he does around the house is "helping you", not stepping up of his own volition to do what he perceives to be his natural responsibility.
He also believes that because he earns more, that makes up for the lack of parenting and housework on his part. And that his long hours are perfectly acceptable.
And on top of that he doesn't see anything wrong with the amount of time he spends on his sports, or time he spends away from the family doing his own thing.
He thinks if you went out with friends or hobbies for the same amount of time, it would all be fine. I don't believe for one second that he realises how much you do, and if you were out as much as him then that stuff just wouldn't get done, as he wouldn't do it. Then the children would suffer, living in a dirty house, or with no clean uniform ready, or no clothes that fit as they have outgrown them, or crap convenience food, or toys all lost and broken as no-one made sure they were tidied carefully, etc. etc.

In short, divorce him.
When he is gone, you will find it easier to cut out the wine, and start re-building yourself and your life.

It feels safer to appease an abuser so that they don't hurt you again.
We understand.

In a gentle way, OP, you are minimising his abusive behaviour. He elbowed you to hurt you. Would his behaviour be acceptable towards a stranger? What about towards your children? You know it wouldn’t be and it is acceptable towards you either. How would he react if you had done that to him. You need to get away from him.

I think he's told you to backtrack.
He doesn't like being outed as a domestic abuser but we can see him.
Don't worry. A better life is ahead, when you've split up.

“I go out once a week with a friend for an hour and bring home a takeaway”
yet
“Last week he went to 2 gigs…and has just asked…”
The truth needs to be ascertained here.

I pick one child up from School/Nursery on a Monday and Tuesday in order to support as after school clubs end at 5.30/6pm
WTAF? You’re an equal parent, not a supporting act, Taupe.

So like a trade off ? No thank you it's his house too so part of the stuff that needs doing is his!

He’s an abusive dick who is trying to take away your support. You were right when you said that he just has to win, that is why he has posted on mumsnet, he is just trying to win. He can get ti fuck. Asshole.

I'm worried for you.
Are you safe at the moment?
Bearing in mind he knows about this thread and has started his own?

Take photos and videos of that sort of thing to remind yourself when you are wavering.

Yes, they already have and it wasn't much to be honest. I've also got them doing more. I sort of stopped getting them to do things as whilst I think they should do things for themselves, I didnt think it was fair getting them to clear up after their dad and also didn't want ex doing even less. Boys have always looked after their own bedrooms, changed their own beds, done their laundry etc

Most of the time it will just be me and eldest. He's autistic and works part time but we've agreed to have a proper rota and he'll happily follow it. We have DS2 home for a few weeks and it's already clear that they can manage to fill the dishwasher and wipe down the worktops without being asked.

Ds1 has been doing the grass and weeds for a few months.

It almost feels like he's brain washing you. And gas lighting.

Since he knows about this thread. Has he told you to say he has not hurt you .

He told you to drop expections. So you would not feel let down... that's fucked up.

It's not exactly the same as your situation but with my ex I felt like a slave to the house, and a slave to him. He made me feel like I had no value. When I finally ended the relationship for good . It felt a massive weight lifted. Everything feels much better without him around.

I hope you are able to end the relationship for you.

So sounds like you've always had an unequal relationship one way or another. Does it matter who's fault it is? It's not working so time to part ways, putting the kids at the centre of your discussions.