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Original poster

To ask when you knew you had to split

164 replies

WishIwasmumsy · 21/06/2024 14:11

I had my husband back after a trial separation, we told the kids he was looking after grandparents house so never actually told them we were splitting. Since having him back I am regretting my decision, nothing has changed. He is still so lazy and goes out all the time. Last week he went to 2 gigs and was rough the following days and tonight he has just asked if he can go to one as he has been offered tickets. This will mean he will not come home from work, I think this time I am even more unhappy than last time. We don't talk anymore, I just go to bed as I am tired or just avoiding him. Our kids ae 6 and 3 and I just want what is best for them.

OP posts:
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BigBoysDontCry · 01/07/2024 17:06

Well i don't know about the PP but I definitely wish I'd done it sooner. To be honest I felt like a single parent for a lot of the time over the years but without the autonomy, the child free weekends while DC were at his (if that happened) and I was the main wage earner too so it was only my own lack of confidence to go it alone and like the PP, the desire for the DC not to come from a "broken home". In reality they would have maybe had a better experience with us apart.

It wasn't all bad by any means, but I am already happier without him here. I've stopped walking about the house swearing to myself with the frustration.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 01/07/2024 15:17

sheslittlebutfierce · 01/07/2024 14:53

For me it took 19 years to admit how unhappy I was.
Unfortunately my stubborness and my desire for my children to not have divorced parents made me put up with being miserable for at least 15 years longer than I should have.

I woke up one morning with the realisation that if I didnt end it I would still be waking up miserable and 60+ and have wasted far too much life.
I turned over in bed, told him he had to go and that was that!!!

I had been married at 16 and had never lived as the only adult in the house, it was very different but my daughters were teenagers and we muddled along. Never once regretted it.

So do you wish you would have done it sooner?

OP posts:
sheslittlebutfierce · 01/07/2024 14:53

For me it took 19 years to admit how unhappy I was.
Unfortunately my stubborness and my desire for my children to not have divorced parents made me put up with being miserable for at least 15 years longer than I should have.

I woke up one morning with the realisation that if I didnt end it I would still be waking up miserable and 60+ and have wasted far too much life.
I turned over in bed, told him he had to go and that was that!!!

I had been married at 16 and had never lived as the only adult in the house, it was very different but my daughters were teenagers and we muddled along. Never once regretted it.

Caroparo52 · 01/07/2024 11:28

When I found my inner strength and decided to stop putting up with shit and make a better life for my kids and myself.
Best decision EVER. Twice.

TheShellBeach · 01/07/2024 11:22

I think you need to make a firm decision to stop trying to make it work.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 01/07/2024 09:21

spiderplantmum · 28/06/2024 15:02

For me it was when he forgot my birthday (it was also Valentine's Day. Her forgot that too). After 6 years together. I didn't mention anything to him on the day and then two weeks later we were arguing and he said "stop taking life so seriously, you're only 27!". I then realised he completely didn't have a clue. (Obviously this wasn't the only thing but it had been building for a while and this was the tipping point).

Do you feel you're at your tipping point?

Yes I think so, I have nothing else to give and just feel like I dont care anymore. I am literally pissing in the wind trying to make it work.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 28/06/2024 18:54

He seemed so quiet and nice at the start @WishIwasmumsy because that's his public persona , the one his friends probably still see now. Everyone is a bit different at home but he's really not that person, the difficult, demanding man is his true self. Let's face it, if he was like that outside he wouldn't have any friends.

spiderplantmum · 28/06/2024 15:02

For me it was when he forgot my birthday (it was also Valentine's Day. Her forgot that too). After 6 years together. I didn't mention anything to him on the day and then two weeks later we were arguing and he said "stop taking life so seriously, you're only 27!". I then realised he completely didn't have a clue. (Obviously this wasn't the only thing but it had been building for a while and this was the tipping point).

Do you feel you're at your tipping point?

BirthdayRainbow · 28/06/2024 14:57

What is he claiming happens to men who don't "get" sex?

Sharptonguedwoman · 28/06/2024 14:45

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 07:17

He was so horrible to me yesterday, I just ended up crying. His excuse was I do not give him what he wants (sex), it has been 4 days!. He keeps sending me videos of what happens to men when they are deprived of sex.

Show quote history

Nothing happens to men when they are 'deprived' of sex. Surely it should be part of a loving partnership and I'm not sure your partnership is loving. Make plans.......

TheShellBeach · 28/06/2024 14:17

OP this man will drag you down further and further. Time to end this for good.

GabriellaMontez · 28/06/2024 12:22

You've been at the point of no return for months by the sound if.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 28/06/2024 09:51

I just think we are at a point of no return. The atmosphere is getting unbearable. I was watching my 3 month old nephew yesterday and asked him to hold him whilst I sorted out OUR dinner. His reply was 'what are giving me that for'. I have tried so hard to be civil and tied to stay upbeat but I am drained now.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 26/06/2024 14:41

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 08:42

He said he has try to change, he hasn't, so now it is down to me to give him sex and he will help me out more? I just think that is revolting?

Show quote history

Yes, that is revolting. Men like him seem to struggle to understand that women need to be respected. If someone treats me like a skivvy, sex isn’t happening.

Sprogonthetyne · 26/06/2024 14:21

Well you have a full house for DARVO now.

Deny
Attack
Reverse
Victom (&)
Offerer

He's started off by saying he does more and all the problems are in your head. When that didn't work he went into attack with the elbow, shouting and blaming you for everything. Saying he has put up with abuse from you is the next stage of reverse victim. Don't buy it.

BigBoysDontCry · 26/06/2024 14:20

It actually doesn't matter a jot if he or anyone else thinks you are lucky to have him. He clearly is not good for you regardless.

Ex said to me "I think I am a nicer person than you think I am" I just said "good". It doesn't matter to me anymore how he feels about himself. I know different.

Are there worse people in the world? Undoubtedly, but does that mean I have to waste the rest of my life with someone who really doesn't care about me regardless of how much he thinks he does?

You and your children deserve better.

BirthdayRainbow · 26/06/2024 13:53

No one has said you are lucky to have him. He is massively projecting as he knows he's the lucky one. Call his bluff. He's not worth living a shitty life for. And if he was he wouldn't make your life shit....

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 13:50

WishIwasmumsy · 26/06/2024 13:46

The thing is he said he has put up with abuse from me for years, I asked him why he didnt leave me and he said the good times outweighed the bad?

I just cant believe that he was such a nice, quiet person in the beginning.

Show quote history

Bah. They usually are, to start with.
I read his thread the other day and it is obvious what a cunt he is.

Make plans and get shot of him. Who cares what he says about you? You've split up at least once in the past. Do it again and make it permanent this time.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 26/06/2024 13:46

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 13:44

OP he has controlled you and your very thoughts for years now.

Initiate the duck protocol and leave him. You and the children deserve much better.

He's a cruel, manipulative POS.

The thing is he said he has put up with abuse from me for years, I asked him why he didnt leave me and he said the good times outweighed the bad?

I just cant believe that he was such a nice, quiet person in the beginning.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 13:44

OP he has controlled you and your very thoughts for years now.

Initiate the duck protocol and leave him. You and the children deserve much better.

He's a cruel, manipulative POS.

Original poster
WishIwasmumsy · 26/06/2024 13:33

5475878237NC · 25/06/2024 17:35

Are you genuinely suggesting this is funny? I'm expressing concern for you and for your children. You seem to the only one on the thread who isn't worried.

Show quote history

No I do not think this is funny. I suppose I am in denial about what is actually happening. He told me yesterday that everybody that he speaks to says that I am very lucky to have him. He is either delusional or is letting on that he does WAY more than he does. I do think people will believe him over me (not my friends and family of course as they have witnessed it) he comes across as such a caring quiet guy and am more opinionated and mouthy so to speak, however, I do struggle with self esteem. I honestly do not have a substance abuse problem, I was enjoying wine a little too much and recognised it and pulled back. I was not drunk on a daily basis at all, letting him think that he has anything on me has made me want to stop drinking altogether but my family and friends seem to think there is no need.

OP posts:
5475878237NC · 25/06/2024 23:32

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 25/06/2024 18:01

I suspect the abusive man has switched up his manipulation and emotional abuse, making the OP feel guilty, and she’s backtracking as a result. Very sad.

I hope you someday see this man for the piece of abusive shit he is @WishIwasmumsy.

So sad for all concerned.

TheShellBeach · 25/06/2024 18:20

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 25/06/2024 18:01

I suspect the abusive man has switched up his manipulation and emotional abuse, making the OP feel guilty, and she’s backtracking as a result. Very sad.

I hope you someday see this man for the piece of abusive shit he is @WishIwasmumsy.

Yes 100%

Ialwaystry · 25/06/2024 18:05

WishIwasmumsy · 23/06/2024 07:17

He was so horrible to me yesterday, I just ended up crying. His excuse was I do not give him what he wants (sex), it has been 4 days!. He keeps sending me videos of what happens to men when they are deprived of sex.

Show quote history

Omg this is enough in itself to go solo.

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 25/06/2024 18:01

I suspect the abusive man has switched up his manipulation and emotional abuse, making the OP feel guilty, and she’s backtracking as a result. Very sad.

I hope you someday see this man for the piece of abusive shit he is @WishIwasmumsy.

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