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dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

159 replies

BeWarmOtter · 21/06/2024 12:37

My dd is 15. We are not in the UK so she still has 2 years at her school with her cohort. At the start of the year, she got to know 2 girls in class. As they just got to know each other, dd's bestie told her that she overheard the girls calling her a pick me and was plotting to trick my dd into playing a sex game. My dd dismissed it at first but the bestie kept on telling her it, which made her freak out. The bestie suggested going to the form teacher about it, and dd went with her as she was so scared it might actually happen to her. She didnt know the girls well then.

The form teacher instructed dd not to interact with the girls anymore, but somehow dd felt upset about the instruction and continued to gauge interaction with the girls. She had the feeling that something isnt quite right and she missed the girls but she couldnt dictate what exactly was the issue. After the holidays, in a class my dd was having a little bit of fun with the girls as she had finished her work. That afternoon, her bestie informed her that a friend of the girls sent her text messages about how the girls was saying a bunch of really mean comments about dd. dd was really angry and upset and got passive aggressive with the girls.

The bestie promised to send dd the screenshots as prove but still couldnt send it for a week. The day when dd was literally rushing her to give her the screenshot she suddenly lost access to everything that she could have screenshotted with. When she could finally give dd a screenshot it was very obviously fake.

The girls believed that dd was part of the plot and they dont trust dd anymore. Around the same time dd discovered that the bestie was also making ridiculous things up about her other friends, aiming to isolate her with everyone but the bestie herself.

Dd felt horrible that she falsely accused the girls of the stuff to the form teacher as the girls got into trouble. She wrote them an apology letter but now she feels like its cringe. The girls have been acting weird around her; we are on holidays now and they snap her less often and replaced with surroundings instead of their usual selfie.

I want to give dd insights of how to navigate the situation but I don't have much. Any insights will be appreciated. She misses the girls but she doesnt want to make them feel pressured into anything. She cut ties with the bestie but now she is scared of her as the bestie already made fake screenshots of her badmouthing her good friend, who doesnt know who to believe.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/06/2024 13:12

The girls have been acting weird around her; we are on holidays now and they snap her less often and replaced with surroundings instead of their usual selfie.

That's not really weird though is it? Although I'm surprised they want anything to do with her at all.

The best way to 'navigate' this is to help her accept she was duped by her 'bestie', and that if this sort of thing was to happen in the future, not to accept gossip without proof.

But I suspect she's learned her lesson, so the next part is to move on and accept what she's done means the girls will probably strongly avoid her now.

Shortfatsuit · 21/06/2024 13:05

I think all you can do at this stage is to talk through how she could have handled the situation differently.

And obviously ditch the "bestie" if she hasn't already done so.

AgentProvocateur · 21/06/2024 13:04

Your DD needs to find new friends and remover herself from the drama

CassieMaddox · 21/06/2024 13:01

DD needs to immediately ditch her "bestie". That is not how friends behave.

Bestie will then probably move on to do this to someone else and the other girls will see its bestie related drama and not your DD at all.

It's hard when this happens, poor DD

biscuitandcake · 21/06/2024 12:54

I wouldn't be a teenager again for all the money in the world. I don't have any practical advice, but do tell her the crazy teenage drama stuff gets better as everyone grows up and that what seems life ruining now/of deathly importance won't matter in 5 years time.
She needs to avoid the crazy friend completely - by which I mean don't try to be friends but also don't get involved in more conflict/tit for tat either. Even if she is now going around badmouthing her with screenshots etc, that is likely to become less and less effective as people figure out what she is like. If she (the friend) is always the one in the centre of drama other people will figure it out.

Notacrab · 21/06/2024 12:53

I think your DD has just learned a valuable lesson. You getting involved won't help.

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/06/2024 12:51

A salient lesson in not listening to hearsay, gossip and second-hand news. I'm not sure there's much she can do really except try to widen her social circle.

NeedToChangeName · 21/06/2024 12:50

My advice to my DC has always been quite straightforward -

(1) hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself

(2) avoid the ones who bring you down

(3) avoid drama

(4) be kind, but not a pushover

(5) this is how adults do friendships

Good luck. I think your DD might be best just avoiding these girls completely and looking for some nicer friends

BeWarmOtter · 21/06/2024 12:46

bump

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