dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

And if it wasn't for her willingness to go to the teacher without any proof at all.

She has to accept her part in this, otherwise how will she ever learn from it?

I think it's best left now.

She's written them a letter, anything else could be seen as overkill.

She can't force them to be her friends.

Buy your daughter a copy of Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman. Make her read it. You should read it too.

Your daughter needs to go to the teacher. You should go with her. Request a meeting.

The shit stirring of the 'bestie' needs to be explained to the teacher and an apology made to her.

Maybe a restitution meeting between DD and the group who were in trouble over this could be moderated by the teacher?

Is your daughter a little needy?
A little immature for her age?

Lost me at 'Bad Bestie'.

I hope so as the thought of an adult saying the word cringe rather than cringeworthy is making me feel billious.

On the positive side - they have not cut her off totally. So there is a chance to come back from this - but your DD needs to understand it would take time to rebuilt trust and if she pushes too hard she will break the friendship forever.

She should continue to be nice and positive. Never say anything negative or moan about this. Show an interest in them, but at a safely superficial level - asking about holidays is fine, asking about boys/other friendships is not.

she must maintain this for months - this is not a quick fix. Steadily she can mention that she’s ’doing X’ at the weekend and would one of them like to come too? If they say no, cheerily say ah well and move on happily. Eventually someone will join in.

and throughout she must (1) avoid ex bestie - who is clearly toxic and dangerous (2) make different friends so she has balance, a wider circle, and doesn’t come across desperate.

What difference does it make though?

She was still willing to believe another girl over them, to the point where she went to the teacher and got them in trouble, without insisting on seeing proof first.

I do feel terribly sorry for teachers having to deal with this sort of nonsense. Must be very wearing!

At this point, your DD needs to stop hanging out with the girl lying and causing drama (if she hasn't already) and then focus on building friendships with people who weren't involved in any of this.

The other 2 girls being friendly is a bonus, but honestly you cannot blame them for wanting to keep your dd at arms length. Your dd would be better off accepting that and going with it. Maybe they'll get closer again as time passes, maybe not but either way trying to force the issue will be counter productive.

I apologise if lm wrong but is this the op who pretends to post as an adult but is actually the teen? The opening post is written in a very ‘teen’ sort of way…

Well, I don't really agree with the concept of being a "bestie" personally, and I always discouraged this kind of thinking. And frankly, if not listening to toxic gossip without any evidence makes you a "bad bestie", then so be it. The "bestie" clearly wasn't a good friend in any case.

I always taught my dc to behave fairly towards everyone and not to get involved in this kind of drama.

Yes, it was maddening reading it but that's on me sticking with reading the thread lol

@Shortfatsuit Yes, that's also part of my advice to my DC. Have a wide circle

OP, imagine you were the mother of one of the falsely accused girls. I imagine you'd be telling them to give your DD a wide berth, to protect themselves from false allegations?

Your DD has learned a tough lesson and I'm sympathetic to that, but sometimes, you can't turn back time. Actions have consequences. Treat it as a learning experience, not a failure

I really hate the word... and the concept tbh. Imo, we should encourage our dc to develop multiple friendships rather than relying on single individuals!

Sounds like the ex bestie has confidence issues and a jealous streak, the trouble is she sucked your DD in and she believed her rather than her two other friends.

The letter’s been sent now and hard as it might be, I’d try and take your DD’s mind off it, she’s tried her best to apologise, that’s all she can do. Has your DD also spoken to the teacher letting her know what’s been going on?

I've never seen the word 'bestie' typed so much or realised people said that in real life. I'm sorry this is such a pointless post lol

Nobody here can answer that really, but it seems unlikely that they will trust her again as she has proved herself to be a pretty poor friend. Yes, she was "duped" by the "bestie", but ultimately that was the result of the choices that she made to listen to the other girl's toxic gossip. She could have chosen to handle it differently but she didn't. Lesson learned.

If the girls are still being civil and friendly towards her, I think she should count that as a win while accepting that they probably won't want to get too close to her going forward because of the lack of trust between them. In the meantime, I would encourage your dd to branch out and build new friendships with people who haven't had any involvement in all of this silly drama - it's a tough lesson, but she needs to understand that if you treat your friends badly, apologising for it afterwards may not be enough to "fix" the friendship.

The may believe her but that may not be enough. If it were me I may believe her but I also wouldn't trust her again. She believed something someone else was saying about me and didn't even speak to me about it or get proof and she went to the form teacher about it.

I think your daughters learnt a lesson here and she should ditch the bestie and find some new friends.