dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

Whilst the written apology is a nice start, I do believe being able to look into their eyes and convey just how deeply she feels bad for what happened and owning up to the role she played is critical to rebuilding the trust with them. Whilst she was clearly manipulated by her bestie, she still chose to take the actions she took (going to the teacher and acting passive aggressive towards the girls) instead of just speaking to these girls and asking them directly if the rumours were true.

I’m not suggesting she try to force herself on them as a friend, but no harm in following up the letter with an in person conversation with each girl individually so she can show them how much their friendship means to her.

Not sure if this is real but if you are, you need to resolve your own anxieties if your daughter is to resolve hers. This is teen drama and angst. Tell her to move on and don’t worry about all the ins and outs and what ifs. Just tell her it’ll get easier as she gets older and support her in finding new friends. You’re getting really caught up in it all and that’s not healthy.

Yes she should change seats to be away from the ex best friend. She should avoid this girl like the plague and have a very long memory.
Fine that she has written a sincere letter of apology. Let the dust settle over the summer. Be light and friendly - don’t push friendships with the other girls who were involved. They will take time to rebuild trust.

Broaden her friendship circle and ditch the idea of ‘bestie’ and the word. Say best friend is needed.

Really not sure why the teacher has to sort this out. She refused to take the teacher's advice. So...why don't you sort it? Don't teachers have enough to do already? FFS

Just remember there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness doesn't mean full restoration of relationship.

Do they keep the same seats every year? Even when they are 16? Don't they pick different subjects by that age. It sounds like young children, the way they are treated. She should definitely move seats and say, sorry, I have to move away from the old best friend. She should just be open and honest really as they are reaching the end of their school years now.

I remember at the age of 14 almost my whole friend group of 6 other girls turning on me during the summer holidays after one of the girls manipulated others and twisted some things I’d said to make it look like I was talking about them all behind their backs.

For those 6 weeks I was lonely, miserable and stayed in the house, whilst they ordered taxis and prank silent called. In the end, my Mum contacted the operator, got the number which was one of the girl’s landlines and then called each of their parents to tell them what they were up to. To be fair it stopped, but I remember feeling so scared about going back in September as I didn’t know who I would hang around with.

Out of the 6, when the calls and nastiness started, one of them immediately refused to be involved, reached out to me to make it clear she thought it was appalling and didn’t believe their lies and we ultimately remained good friends through the rest of high school and sixth form. She almost immediately stopped hanging out with the others.

One other eventually realised by the very end of the 6 week holidays that what they had told her and she’d chosen to believe was total rubbish (just one of the lies they peddled was that I’d mocked the fact that she was a diabetic). To give her credit, she rode round on her bike and apologised to me on my doorstep and asked if we could still be friends. Whilst I respected that she’d had the decency to admit fault, say sorry and to ask for forgiveness, I decided I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to trust her fully again and I was honestly just so hurt that firstly she would even believe that I would have said such horrendous things about a friend and then finally that she would join in with all the bullying, including (as I subsequently found out) a plan to lure me out one night and then jump me.

None of the others ever apologised for what they did, including the girl who was meant to be my best friend. Two of them, including the main instigator, I never spoke to again. The other two were in a number of my classes, so I adopted a polite, yet cold and distant approach with them.

At 14 everything feels bigger and your friendships are the most important thing in your life. Your DD needs to approach these girls and make a genuine, heartfelt face to face apology. I think it is likely the only way forward here in the hopes repairing the friendships. But she will also have to accept that they may not choose to forgive her and she may need to start building other relationships with others.

She also needs to ditch that Bestie, who is nothing of the sort!

I'm not insider enough to be able to suggest what course of action your DD should take about this. She is going to have to own the consequences and understand healing takes time, sometimes a lot of time, and sometimes can't happen, no matter what she decides.

And doesn't want to make herself uncomfortable too. She can not make them uncomfortable by having a polite relationship with them. A bit like a casual work colleague you have to smile at and acknowledge but not have a relationship or expectations with.

And maybe have a discussion about how serious allegations can be. Right now it might be school squabbles. In a few years, it can be legal issues for herself and the falsely accused.

If my children were falsely accused of those crimes I’d be doing everything in my power to get the accusers expelled or moved to another school. But failing that, as a minimum, I’d expect distance. Your DD needs to take this as a lesson in not to believe others blindly and move on. She must accept that she can’t be their friend any more.

Maybe she'll have to settle for a polite but non-friendship relationship with all those girls? You can get on without having to be friends or enemies. There's middle ground.

Help her understand the insignificance of these people to her overall life - that it may feel the be all and end all but she will look back and wonder why she cared so much. And then use that understanding going forward to avoid getting caught up in shitty dramas

She didn't accidentally accuse those other girls!

She chose to believe the words of one girl (bestie is the most stupid thing I've heard in awhile) without any proof or evidence or seeing or hearing things for herself.

She allowed herself to be influenced by someone pressing her buttons instead of thinking doe herself.

She's learnt a valuable life lesson sadly that some girls are nasty and play sill games out of jealousy and a desire to manipulate others.

Regardless, your DD has accused them of something horrible and it's sensible and logical for the other girls to want to stay away. The lesson here is to make sure of your facts and have evidence before making accusations.

The bestie is no friend but you can't blame the other girls for not wanting anything to do with your DD. I'd be advising my own DDs not to be friends with her. She's thrown horrible accusations at them (no matter how she learned them). Of course they don't trust her and that's quite reasonable. Huge learning curve for your DD.

Your daughter cocked up. She went along with the games played by her ex friend and hurt her new friends in the process.

They do not have to be friends with her and there’s no advice anyone can give to help that happen. If one of the new friends was my child, I would tell them to keep away from your daughter so them being civil is more than most would do. Kudos to those girls for being mature.

Ultimately your daughter needs to find new friends.