dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

Thank you! The only thing was the bestie was very specific in how she knew (she overheard) and did tell dd a specific sex game and even their specific plan.

What was the sex game? I have no notion what this could be?
Such talk from bestie is a massive 🚩she must have some issues. Have you spoken to bestie's parents about what she did? It's pretty serious. Has the school dealt with bestie? In fact have you spoken to the School and reported that besties misled and made false accusations?

But is it worth how exhausting analysing the minutiae of this? A fresh start sounds healthier for everyone

Can you just move schools?

But what would the teacher do about it? Imagine going to your teacher as a 15 year old and saying my friend told me these girls are going to trick me into xyz. The whole language is quite young, I'd expect this maybe in year 3 or 4, not year 10 or 11. If your dd had told you instead of the teacher (did she tell you about this before speaking with teacher?) you could have advised her to stay away from the group and be vigilant and cautious, not send messages with them, not ever meet-up or be alone with them. You could have also explained that her 'bestie' seems to be saying a lot of gossipy things, creating dramas and to beware of people who cause issues like that. You could explained that besties are not always the best ideas and she should preferably have several good friends, it would have been an opportunity to talk about what she expects in a friendships and that there are gossipy scheming girls to stay well clear of. You could have encouraged her to ask her friend more questions, e.g. how did she know, what was this sex game. You could have asked dd if her and her friends talk about sex and in which way an how she feels about that. Just done a lot more asking and fact finding but not running to your teacher 🙄.

Going to your teacher with allegation on hearsay and gossip is quite something. It's as if your dd already saw herself as a victim. This would alarm me and I'd try to boost her social confidence and skills.

dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

does suggest that she has no agency, it wasn't accidentally she made choice, the choice was very bad. But mostly it was naive. I hope your dd gets the support she needs to wisen up. 'Besties' like you describe are absolute scum though. We all need to teach our dc to be very wise to nasty bullies like bestie.

The sad thing is it needn’t have ever got this far. Her “bestie’s” initial “information sharing” was a huge red flag. There’s lessons here for both of you.

I think she should just walk in, sit down and if they make eye contact / look over just smile and say hi, then just start getting her text books, pencil case etc out of her bag and get ready for the lesson. Don’t make it a big deal. Don’t put any pressure on it. Just keep it lowkey and casual. It’s then up to them how they respond - whether they ignore her, just say hi back or start chatting away to her as if nothing has happened etc, but at least this way the ice is broken and she’s demonstrated she is willing and able to be polite and friendly.

Sitting next to them is not initiating interaction or putting pressure on them to speak with her. I'm sure there are many situations where you sit next to someone and don't interact with them? This is an option the girls have too. There is no need for anything other than a smile or polite hello.

This is great

Sorry, did I miss that your dd is ND? That's a whole different story as this would make her vulnerable.

"Best friend has been telling me these girls plan to trick me" was exactly what she said to the teacher. The teacher couldn't find out the truth so she just had a word with the girls.

This is quite a naive thing to say to a teacher in secondary I think not even in year 5 or 6 would this go down well. If your dd is ND, can you do social stories to help her deal with the complexities of relationships?

At the end of the day, she snitched and really should't have. There are much more clever way to deal with this. As a rule of thumb if a 'friend' tells you that other are saying horrible things about you, it's is probably NOT a friend.

Ditch the concept of bestie, too much expectation attached to this. Friendships should be about, fun and mutual support and respect. If you feel shit around your friends, they're no friends.

I think you're making a much bigger thing of this than it needs to be. She could go in, stand by a seat and ask if they mind if she sits there, casually. It really doesn't matter where she sits (other than her own discomfort with either position) because sitting near someone doesn't mean having to interact more than necessary to be polite.

We would understand what a best friend is, it's not some secret code 😁

It's stopping me being able to post sensible advice reading 'bestie' 5 times within a 6 line post. Obviously you can write whatever you choose.... But I'm glad I'm not the only one driven insane by it haha

Don't get me wrong I am not involved with the at the school or in the situation I am just looking for better advice to offer to my dd!

I think if she sits next to one of the girls that's fine.

Plenty of people manage to get along with/be polite to/work with others that they aren't friends with nor want to be.

It's certainly part of 2ndry school.

Was she asking you for advice about the situation at the time?

I think also OP it is important to be clear that contrary to your title she didn’t “accidentally” accuse the girls. She was peer pressured and lied to, which I understand that if she is autistic for example it might be harder for her as she may find it tricky to tell when people are lying, but she made the choice to report them based on hearsay. Probably she did this because she was scared? However it wasn’t an accident, it was a decision. Her ex bestie sounds like a piece of work however she will need to find an appropriate way to deal with arseholes (don’t we all), for example if something similar happened again she could speak to a trusted parent or teacher reporting what she knows rather than what she’s been told. In this case it would be “Best friend has been telling me these girls plan to trick me.” It’s then the job of the parents/teacher to help her think out whether this is the case And try to resolve the whole thing without letting it get out of control.

Indeed. And when parents get involved it usually makes even more work for teachers.